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From the ghost land of the easy life.

22 March 2008

no one is watching me slide under street level barely alive :
Right this second I feel very run down.  Almost run over.  Life is disappointing these day at best and I don't know how quite to turn th\is frown upside down.  People appear to be creatures of lies and fear, and I'm really tired of all of it.  I'm tired of other people's dear and their obnoxious lies.  It's all getting to me this full moon, and while I don't have to deal directly with the freaks that come out as customers on these days, I have plenty of freaks to deal with right where I am.

From listening to someone do the simper and moan about their incompatibility with their other, pandering for someone to tell them they are not a freak and they are right and justified.  I can see the end to the relationship coming, if you're so needy of outside validation then inside not only is it not there it's not EVER coming.  I watch people everyday who don't tell themselves the hard truth, who fear to do what they want and beg others to assist them in justifying it.

Do I justify that Belgian chocolate pound cake I got for Easter?  Nope.  I bought it and I ate it and if I had another I'd eat it too.  I also ate the yummy rainbow trout fillet I got and I'm going to keep eating because I need food to eat.  Am I over eating?  Yes, not as much as I have in the past, not for the exact same reasons either, but a little none the less.  And I am aware I will have to work on that.  I am responsible for it and working to not do it.  Like any bad habit it is HARD to break.

On the other hand I am getting exercise.  Ice, snow, slush and rain can't stop me and I have sore legs to prove it too.  Just getting to the street these past weeks has been a hike and I never thought I'd like hiking that much.  Apparently I do.  I also like living alone.  Of course I have to force myself out of the house on a regular basis.  Not because I love the privacy and low stress so much, but because I have no motivation to leave the house now.  Disliking living conditions is a sure fire way to get oneself moving and otherwise you are just finding something else to do.  It's what I do anyways, I just excuse my reticence to leave the house by manufacturing something more important to do.

I'm giving up excuses for Lent, and forever.  I am tired of them and the lameness they inspire.  Instead I plan to work harder to make the thing I want happen.  I haven't quite built the solid resolve I need to not fall back to making excuses, but I'm trying and that's half the battle right now.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:25 AM

MenTal fUrbAll