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Today's Honoured Guestmy peeps The Boys
RaJ
Tayster
factory_peasant
Surfer Mitch
Ciavarro
Scared Bunny
Jake
Hof
my peeps The Girls
Sass
Pajiba
Tristan Roy
Radiohead blue eyes,
crooked teeth,
intellectual,
goofball,
slacker,
socialist.
Stuff and Nonsense
You LOVE Me THIS much
Steff
Crystal
Lyvvie
Cate
OEN
--spared--
Rachel
bitchy
Dlisted
Janet Charlton
MPH
Go Fug Yourself
the pretty pictures
Owen Billcliffe
No Traces
Sam Javanrouh
the professionals blog
Matthew Good
Margaret Cho
Rick Mercer
Tony Pierce
Whil Wheaton
Waiter
shameless self promotion
About Me
My influence
[1338.4]
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What Came Before
2005.05
2005.06
2005.07
2005.08
2005.09
2005.10
2005.11
2005.12
2006.01
2006.02
2006.03
2006.04
2006.05
2006.06
2006.07
2006.08
2006.09
2006.10
2006.11
2006.12
2007.01
2007.02
2007.03
2007.04
2007.05
2007.06
2007.07
2007.08
2007.09
2007.10
2007.11
2007.12
2008.01
2008.02
2008.03
2008.04
2008.05
where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods
:
It's been a while, but I've been trying the whole put a positive spin on things slant. So while I've been flipped from midnight shifts to straight mornings with but 2 days grace to get used to it. And while I HATE billing contracts and people screaming about 3 cents I sit every day praying that I'm not brining on any kind of hypertension or raising my blood pressure to damaging levels because I am pushing 40 and I don't want to be another statistic especially based on my family history.
I still hate my job, most all of us in my training class do. Hardly anyone has quit yet as we all need a paycheque to replace this one before we can do that. If I was certain I could get 2 part time jobs as soon as I left this job I'd leave now. I can pay my rent for next month already, I can scrounge for more. Thing is though, there have been a lot of lay offs in town recently, layoffs of people doing the exact same job as I was who are now coming to my workplace to get hired because it's not the same job but we're always hiring. Call centres can't keep people because they're designed to shoot you out. With crappy shifts and outrageous work loads for not even remotely what someone hired directly by the company would get, people don't feel allegiance to the job or the company paying them, usually not to the company they are being paid to represent either. In some cases they will feel allegiance to having their rent paid or their mortgage so they stick it out. That doesn't make having a shitty job any easier.
So I am applying like mad to higher paying, or about equal paying jobs and hearing nothing. I did get some kind of computer generated response telling me I was way over qualified to work for X company and to try somewhere else. That so didn't make my day. In a country where all you are hearing about is shortages and giant flocks of retirees leaving and a demand to replace them, you wouldn't think being over qualified would matter. If we are really supposed to change jobs ever 5-7 years (more like 3-4 for me) then why is it so hard to get into a position that you have experience doing? It's either not enough or too much and no one wants you. Thing is you can never gauge by the add and tailor your resume enough that you are showing only enough to make them interested.
So this is what I've been doing. I've been trying to figure out how I ended up in generation gets fucked over. It's really starting to seem like all those things I was promised while growing up, that there'd be lots of jobs and there'd always be a need for hard working people - well it's bullshit. Unless someone owes you a favour you aren't going to get a better deal. I've passed all the tests, dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's and I may end up becoming a maid, because they'll take anyone who can drive and pass a criminal check, they pay as well as where I am now and they really don't give a shit if I'm a rocket scientist they want someone who shows up and does the job. Which I totally am. Too bad the rest of the employers out there don't seem interested in a worker who wants to work.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:36 AM
11 April 2008
don't stop me now
:
It's a rainy grey day here in old Ottawa. It's dull and dreary, just like the outlook on my current job. Billing is something I have never enjoyed, and working in a call centre doing billing makes me wish I could just be punched in the head for pay. Yeah I really don't like it. I went and applied for a few other jobs, but those will take time to hear from, so in the meantime I have to stay where I am and try not to burst into tears. I've never been that good at raging insincerity, but I know a lot of people who are and they will excel in this job I'm sure.
While looking for jobs I got myself a credit card and I got a new hard drive and ram for my computer. In my remaining spare time I hooked back up with my BBF pre college and perfected my low fat, wholewheat oatmeal chocolate chip recipe. Yippee. So my current weekend will be full of reformatting and installing hard ware, which I'm sure will make me homicidal so I'm also looking to shop a bit. I'm thinking about what exactly I'll go looking for but rest assured I'll find something to amuse and satiate my need to own stuff.
In the past, since the last post, I have also become one with my inner conflictionary - and have decided that I am giving up that need for conflict. In the absence of that drive consumerism has taken over and has been constantly at war with my inner scrooge. Scrooge is winning, funnily enough, so I see no harm in indulging the consumer with some window shopping. At worst I buy a lot of things, at best I get a day out, a bottle of Jack Daniels and a new pair of sneakers. All things I actually need. Keeping to the do-I-really-need-it mentality has been keeping money in the bank. Of course all that personal do goodery is making my outward pessimist panic and things I can't control are generally on the worst case scenario tip -> but it's all good.
Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 6:05 PM
22 March 2008
no one is watching me slide under street level barely alive
:
Right this second I feel very run down. Almost run over. Life is disappointing these day at best and I don't know how quite to turn th\is frown upside down. People appear to be creatures of lies and fear, and I'm really tired of all of it. I'm tired of other people's dear and their obnoxious lies. It's all getting to me this full moon, and while I don't have to deal directly with the freaks that come out as customers on these days, I have plenty of freaks to deal with right where I am.
From listening to someone do the simper and moan about their incompatibility with their other, pandering for someone to tell them they are not a freak and they are right and justified. I can see the end to the relationship coming, if you're so needy of outside validation then inside not only is it not there it's not EVER coming. I watch people everyday who don't tell themselves the hard truth, who fear to do what they want and beg others to assist them in justifying it.
Do I justify that Belgian chocolate pound cake I got for Easter? Nope. I bought it and I ate it and if I had another I'd eat it too. I also ate the yummy rainbow trout fillet I got and I'm going to keep eating because I need food to eat. Am I over eating? Yes, not as much as I have in the past, not for the exact same reasons either, but a little none the less. And I am aware I will have to work on that. I am responsible for it and working to not do it. Like any bad habit it is HARD to break.
On the other hand I am getting exercise. Ice, snow, slush and rain can't stop me and I have sore legs to prove it too. Just getting to the street these past weeks has been a hike and I never thought I'd like hiking that much. Apparently I do. I also like living alone. Of course I have to force myself out of the house on a regular basis. Not because I love the privacy and low stress so much, but because I have no motivation to leave the house now. Disliking living conditions is a sure fire way to get oneself moving and otherwise you are just finding something else to do. It's what I do anyways, I just excuse my reticence to leave the house by manufacturing something more important to do.
I'm giving up excuses for Lent, and forever. I am tired of them and the lameness they inspire. Instead I plan to work harder to make the thing I want happen. I haven't quite built the solid resolve I need to not fall back to making excuses, but I'm trying and that's half the battle right now.
Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:25 AM
