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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

30 December 2005

now that we're here so far away :
I was out and about. I had blood tests done and the tech chatted me up. I got the champagne for tomorrow night. I got Asti Spumanti and a Canadian Champagne rosé. I thought a sparkling wine couldn't call itself Champagne unless it was from that region in France. Not unlike how Scotch must be made in Scotland. I was at the Highlander again and I always read the info/menu at the table. It's the reason I have so much useless knowledge. I read whatever is around. I watch all kinds of edutainment shows and I even file the stuff away to use again later, mostly as a question because I'm running out of brain cells so I think my brain is short forming the info and I'm having a bit of fun recalling the actual data.

So like I said I thought the champagne had to come from a region in France. I know I saw that on TLC or A&E or maybe Sunday afternoon on Wine and Spirits after the car show. Anyhoo, this place in Niagara Falls doesn't know and doesn't care and is calling their stuff champagne. It was actually the ONLY champagne in the entire LCBO. The rest were all sparkling wines. I was not going to hike down to the BIG LCBO to see if they had an actual selection. Foot notwithstanding, I didn't want to trek out too far in thw -18 celsius. Sure it's way better to have the Canadian subzero sunshine thing then the newly annoying, ice rain for breakfast-lunch-dinner-you-didn't-need-your-
ass-anyways-clean-pants-are-overrated weather we had the two days prior to that. I like rain but I'm against the hitting the ground part of falling down. That always hurts and/or ruins my clothes.

To have fun and make the day interesting I went to the movies and then the Highlander. I guess the movie, Fun With Dick and Jane was ok. I wouldn't see it again. See when I was a young one I loved George Segal and saw all his movies. I have seen the original and have fond fuzzy memories of it. I believe it was better than this one. This one is funny, but it's also kinda lame. Hollywood put a moralistic ending in there and it kinda killed the fun. I won't ruin the ending for you k?

Afterwards I went to the the Highlander where I was the source of entertainment for many. I walk in and hit this never before noticed rack of menus, knocking them to the floor. I proceed to replace them and they in turn fling themselves onto the floor. I was a sight gag for about 7 minutes. No lie. Then comes finding a seat. The table I wanted was blocked off by some rude poeple who looked at me like I was going to have to climb over them if I wanted to sit there. I didn't have the guts, writhing in shame from the sight gag - so I took a table with a stool. I'm tall. I'm fairly capable. It took 10 minutes for me to sit down because my pants kept catching the chair and moving it at angles that wouldn't work for me to be sitting AT the table. I developed some issues from 3-4pm today.

The waitress was wondering wether or not to approach me after that. My issues and I had not gone unnoticed. I'm sure she was betting I wanted a stiff drink after my fights with the menus and furniture, she was so shocked when I ordered a pepsi. I shoulda drank, but at that point I figured I would take a header off the chair and either miraculously claer the low wall and tumble into the basement or sprawl across the bar removing my teeth at least. Better safe than sorry so I had the pop and the veggie burger. Another astonished look. I'm not a vegetarian really. I'm an omnivore. If it's good and I can stand to eat it I probably will. The grilled eggplant and portobello mushroom cap 'burger' called to me. I love eggplant and mushrooms. They came out dast and HOT. I got burned throught the bun that's how hot it was. AND IT WAS GOOD. I'll have it again. Next time I'm getting wings tho. Hot waiter wasn't there but that's ok, at least he didn't have to see me having issues.

Keep blogging. Merry New Years!!!!!!
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 8:18 PM

29 December 2005

tonight i'm gonna give you all i got :
So this 'like new' bed is here. It was LIKE new in 1930 I believe. I have a movie with Keanu Reeves in it, where his girlfriend is handcuffed to a bed very similar to this one. The take it apart and escape with the headboard, I love tha movie. The bed I was motrified at.

It isn't that I don't appreciate the fact I got a bed for Christmas. IT WAS on the list and Santa was listening obviously. Thing is Carpool guy said it was new. He never disabused me of my belief it was a boxspring and mattress and a dinky little frame. Most of the bed is the frame. Infact the frame is 5 seperate pieces that I, myself, have no clue how to assemble. Lins , my bffc, and her man came by and were kind enough Tuesday to help me move the bed and buy me breakfast. Love y'all!

Lins's Andrew put the bed together. It seems to me to be somekind of brain teasing puzle. Apparently I can't think around that corner. I was adamently urged NOT to pay for the bed. The reason being that it's in BAD condition. Not the frame so much, it's steel and can be painted (red Lins knew right away) but the mattress looks like it was through hell and back and the NEWest thing about it is probably some of the holes.

I sprayed it with so much no name febreeze that my room smelt sparkling perfumed fresh. The bed is a sponge and the more I put on the more it soaked up. I felt DIRTY touching it. Seriously, I developed an OCD and had to wash repeatedly after every contact with it. Lins was covered in cat hair from it and I was wondering who or what had peed on the bed repeatedly. After breakfast I came home and spent half an hour vacuuming the mattress. Then I soaked it with the no name febreeze stuff again, opened the window and went to work.

Fast forward to 10ish and Kid N and J are home now. I show them the bed and ask Kid N to help me find something better than a book to hold up the bottom corner where there is a missing caster, and to possibly help me get some plywood or 2 by 4's to plank the bed and keep it from sagging incredibly. I slept on it that night. I didn't die but I should probably be boiled.

The next day Kid N wisked me off to Ikea where I got a brand spanking new mattress. for a mere 160 dollars I now have an most excellent bed. I haven't paid Carpool guy yet. I will because I said I would and I'm honourable that way. He did bring it all the way here from Brockvegas and all. He could have told me it was his cat's scratching post and someone/something had accidents on it. But I think he knew that would lower the price. At least I know what he thinks 'like new' means. I'm very afraid of what NEW means to him. it's flashing Dr Frankenstein images to me right now.

The Ikea mattress is a 20" Sultan coil and foam. It's so amazing that it reduced the sag of the bed and it doen't feel like a spring mattress and I got a normal nights sleep at last. No allergies making me cold or anyhting. I am so happy. I am so going to have to smile all day :) That and the sight of the original mattress incased in ice in the back yard (it can't contaminate anything frozen like that), will put smile lines on my in no time.

I get to have my foot ultrasound the 9th. I figure the glass should be out before my birhtday. I'm gonna have a party and sing 50 cent because I can. And it will be fun. I am so determined. We're having ice rain today. It started last night and so I'm procrastinating from going out because I don't like hitting the ground all that much. I'm going to drink Cahmpagne on New Years so I have to go out and get some soon. I work New Years Eve and Day so I'm going to have to drink responsibly. Kid N says that anyone wat the house will be shit faced by the time I get home at 10ish. I don't care as long as Kid M stays outta my way. If he's worse as a drunk I'd probably spank him, I'm so not in the mood. From what I've heard he'd make me his new bit on the side for that tho. Apparently he openly cheats on his woman of 5 years and she stays. Whatever. Doesn't help his points in my book.

Keep blogging pretties.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:43 AM

26 December 2005

too far, too fast, too soon :
So my pretties I'm home. I took the get out of jail free card, also known as fo home early tonight. I'm a bit tired and cranky. Cramps - Nuff said. Of course it stops raining/snowing so Carpool guy is all raring to go to get my bed over here but I'm dying for the down time. I don't feel like I've stopped moving in about a thousand years. Since I'm not a shark it's not necesary to my survivla to be continuously going. However I am very awed by their stamina.

So it's another night of cookies for desert. This paycheque is all mine and I'm looking forward to getting a lot of food for myself. Now if only I didn't have to worry about getting my food ruined or stolen by KidM, the idiot asshole roommate. Yea it's a bit Christmas Grinch of me, but I'm like that when I'm left a boat load of dishes for Christmas by someone who has no impairments or reasons for not cleaning up after himself, other than his pure arrogance. I detest the arrogant.

I'm so basking in laziness right now. It's not even funny. More than anything I'm ready for a ten hour nap. It's rare that it's quiet enough around here that I get a solid sleep. The drawback of roommates who are self absorbed to the maximum. I was like them once, this is the payback part of karma I know :) I didn't spend all holiday drinking the tequila I got. Tarantula is pretty good really, it mostly takes like the wine it's mixed with (to give it the citrus flavours) to me. Of course all the chickens here won't even try it, but waste no time in telling me it's not REAL tequila. If you won't do a shot I don't value your oppinion on the liquor. And then Kid M, before he left, thought he'd tell me when I should drink it. I guess he didn't feel gutsy enought to come out and say he wanted some, or smart enough to ask if he could try it. Instead he took the "Tonight's the night for the tequila." route and I just said nope. Wonder if he pissed on my tooth brush for that. Apparently, he's glad to tell, if you act like he does he'll piss in your scope or on your toothbrush or whatever. Most excellent knowledge to have huh?

Note to self, use back up toothbrush and keep it in your room at all times!!!!!!!

I'm revelling in the tape I got of Sense and Sensibility and A Walk in The Clouds. They were a double bill on tv the other night and I taped them. Mr Reeves notwithstanding, I love the Ang Lee movie. It replaced A Room With A View, as my favourite period piece as soon as I saw it. The top 3 there are Sense and Sensibility, Dangerous Liasons and A Room With A View.

Just in case you wondered. Keep blogging :)
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:38 PM

25 December 2005

so load up keep driving :
I'm in weirdo mode. I'm bored and all over doing anything. I did laundry last night. Watched a movie and washed a load of dishes. Tonight I've got a shower, another movie, the blog and I'm gonna bake cookies. I don't really have the ability to do anything else but plan for my bed. It's in town, but in the Murphy's Law tradition, it's being held hostage by really shitty weather. Since it's the rainy season now I have to wait to get the thing the block we have to carry it. We're planning tomorrow weather permitting if not Tuesday. I guess that's better than Wednesday when I have assorted plans with 4 other people. Popular after the holidays.

Anyways I wanted to say happy happy to everyone. I'm having a blaa being alone, it's really only for 2 days and 3 nights, but it's some kinda heaven. I'm just hanging in style in my fabu nightie, it's all old lady but I've got crapt to move and such so I can (I pray) get my bed in here tomorrow. Sheer force of will, will make it so. I fell in love on the bus the other day. I saw a great guy. They are so rare I had to fall for him.

Of course I don't know him. He was wearingthis funny blue, red, yellow and white striped sweater. He had on a hat and a leather jacket and some jeans and I only noticed (sweater now withstanding because I have an inner fashionista) because he did something so entirely rare. On a crowded Ottawa bus, instead of just taking the next available seat he offered it up to the women who were standing also. Not just the young or the old ones, or the cute ones, or just one, he offered it to everyone. I have to love that. Anyways dude, way to go. You should be cloned.

Have a happy. I'm gonna go make cookies for supper :)

Keep blogging.

Mental Furball

10) i'll be home for christmas - bing crosby
9) let it snow - harry connick jr
8) going all the way - matthew good band
7) back to you - john mayer
6) gimme the light - sean paul
5) do you want to - franz ferdinand
4) because of you - kelly clarkson
3) precious - depeche mode
2) don't bother - shakira
1) the real thing - bo bice
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:31 PM

24 December 2005

for they are only fleeting things my elusive dreams :
I saw my doctor today. He told me there is 'definitely' there, in my foot. I get to go have 'it' exposed to the world with an ultra sound, sometime. They're gonna call me and tell me when. Hopefully I get enough notice that I don't have to skip work to go get it done.

Most of the house is gone. Only Kid M remains. He leaves tomorrow sometime. He may or may not do the dishes before he goes. He did, however, allow me to use his Xbox today. Mind you he's taking it with him tomorrow so fat lot of good that does. I'm fixing to be real bored as I can't get the DVD player in the front room to work and I'm not dying to spend the entire holiday locked in my room when I have the house to myself. It just seems Wrong!

Hope y'all are having a good Christkwanzukkah. It's my ne fave season, as far as I have enjoyed it the past 18 years. Actually I've been dreading it to the point I've gotten a bad stomach over the last few days. I'm just letting everything drag me down. Mostly because I'm WAY TIRED of the whole holiday, poor thing, sad looks, confused people thing. I'm not the poster child for bad family values. I don't want your pity. If you can't include me in your holidays then don't ask and act all concerned like I'm moving up the totally pathetic charts straight for number one. I'll be fine and all your false concern and BS sympathy make me want to KICK YOUR ASS!!!!!

I have a wee bit of holiday rage going on. Mostly because of the traffic today. I left 1.5 hours early for my appointment to see my doc, and I was late because people are stupid. See, we had a lightly snowy day. So naturally everyone who could drive, got in a car and headed out into the street and got an instant snow lobotomy and forgot HOW TO DRIVE. I've managed to not actually shove any of the thousands of people that go and get into the way of walking while I'm downtown or at the mall, all month. You've seen them. They hustle up in front of you then slow right down or STOP. Like they didn't actually see you as they RAN past you to become your roadblock for the half hour. I don't understand it but I have developed an uncontrolable muttering problem where I just weave my way through saying "fucking people get the fuck out of my way excuse the fuck out of you doesn't anyone say excuse me anyfucking more" like some magical charm that will protect me from whatever it is that they sre afflicted with.

Let's face it you don't go out in the highway and just stop in the middle of traffic without something bad happening. It should make sense that in walking traffic, coming to a complete standstill without moving off to the side will result in someone either hitting you or getting mad. I generally have a low level mall rage going at the busy times of year but people are being extra dumb or I'm extra noticing it, because this year I'm so having an ISSUE with the random insanity that is being a pedestrian at the holiday times.

Yea ok I guess it's a holiday rant. I won't appologise because I doubt there's anyone reading this and I'll post more and this will be forgot after all, it is being pointed out to me all day everyday that - everyone has something to do for the holidays BUT ME. I do get a reprieve for New Years, the Kids will be back, N&J anyways (Kid M wanted me to know he can't decide if we're good enough to do New Years with since he got invited to an embassy) so I can have people to say Merry New Years to. I hope no one wants to sing Auld Lang Syne. I don't know the words.

Anyways I'm hoping there's no percipitation tomorrow because I want my bed. Carpool guy won't go get it and bring it here if there's even a drop of rain or one snowflake falling, so it better all be on the ground by the time he crawls outta bed tomorrow. My BFFC Lins is supposed to be in town soon too. It's all okayed through the Kids that she crash here while in town but I have no idea if she got my message or not and I don't know if she will come stay here or if she's trapped in a booked and paid for hotel room. I'm so outta the loop I don't even know what day it is today. I forgot my own name briefly too today, so it's not improving my less then fuzzy mood.

Anyhoo I have to go shut off the heat in the living room. It's strictly forboden to leave it on all the time. Infact I think it's perferred that we never turn the heat on outside of our own rooms. We're all supposed to be energy misers. Which has advantages and disadvantages. It can actually hurt, and maybe I'll save that story for drunk blogging on New Years. OK?? Have a good one. Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:43 AM

20 December 2005

if it makes you happy it can't be that bad :
I went on my date today. I want to meet him originally at the James Street Feed Co and I was early. I take the bus so that tends to happen - you are either early or late. I waited for him 35 minutes and he didn't show. I did only give him 15 minutes to be late in. I was miffed so I left. When I got to the Rideau Centre I called him to leave a snarky message. I was going to thnak him for wasting my time. Of course he answered the phone, so I had to talk to him. His answer was "You sound pissed." I was like yea cuz you didn't show.

Anyways long story short I met him. He pried as hard as he could but I was enigmatic. I didn't mention my ex once but he totally shut down when I turned the tables on him and asked about his girlfriend(s). I think he's got one right now. I also think he didn't like me being taller than him, It was all fine till he wanted to leave and I stood up and he realized I have leags tht go all the way down and so I'm tall. Taller than he is. Thinks got chilly after that, but it was ok. He said he'd call. Vegas odds are high that won't happen.

I shoulda known that today would be crap. I got on the bus to return that huge red shirt I got for the Christmas party. And there. In the back seat. Is My EX. EEK.

I held it together. He didn't notice me as far as I know. He was going to work and that meant he was going to be standing right in front of me when he got off the bus. He didn't look at me at all. I can't be sure he didn't see me. I can't be sure but I suspect if he had there would have been trouble. He loves to make a scene. I know he has a girl friend because he's gained weight in the almost year since I last saw him. He was dressed in some ridiculously short pants and all the stuff I had bought him way back when. I'm glad he's eating, because left to his own devices he spends all his money on drugs and booze; at least he doesn't look like a walking cadaver anymore. I was so glad he didn't seem to notice me. I'd rather never speak to him again and I like that idea so I'm hoping I don't run into him anytime again soon and he actually notices.

Aside from that my day was tame. My foot is acting up so I'm real glad I have a doctor's appointment Friday to see my old doctor. He always said I could come back. I guess he was right because the appointment is confirmed. Anyways hopefully he can fix my foot. Maybe the thing will willingly just pop out, but it's getting more painful as time goes on. It sucks. It also sucks that everyone is so incredulous that I'm working all Holidays and not Christmas shopping. I did, however, get my Christmas wish. Carpool guy is going to sell me that twin bed he has that he says was never used and he was going to throw out.

I don't know now if I mentioned that the last time I was helping him bring stuff to town, that he had a desk and a bed he wanted me to take. I couldn't take the desk cuz it's actually a full sized drafting table and I have a wee room. But I was way interested in the bed. I'm giving him 50 bucks for it, but not until I've slept on it a couple nights. I'm so excited. The air mattress isn't the best to sleep on when you're a side sleeper. I'm getting really sore from having to stay in one position to maximise heat and comfort. This room is pretty cold and that, for whatever reason, makes the air mattress REAL cold. No matter what I cover it with.

Anyways I saw the Denis Leary Merry Fucking Christmas Special. It's crass but funny. I wanted to donate to tits for tots and I loved that the Barenaked Ladies turned up, were silly and sang along. Here's the lyrics:

Merry F@#%in' Christmas - Dennis Leary
Old Saint Nick's got Bourbon breath
It's so cold you could catch your death
A cop sold me some crystal meth
It's a merry fuckin' Christmas

Everything's so Criss-muss-ee
The streets are twinkling with frozen pee
My priest just sat on Santa's knee
It's a merry fuckin' Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night
To dream what Santa brings 'em
Unless they're Jewish or Muslim
Or some other gyp religion

Crappy toys flyin' off the shelves
Midgets dressed up to look like elves
Spread good cheer or burn in Hell
It's a merry fuckin' Christmas

Cracklin' fires to keep me warm
And my collection of Asian porn
Cradle my bells and work my horn
It's a keep-on-truckin'
Merrrry fuuuuckin' Christmaaaaaas
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 9:15 PM

19 December 2005

if there's somebody calling me on :
Post 211. I didn't forget the mental playlist either, I just didn't have the energy to blog last night. I watched a bit of American Pie 2 instead then went to bed. I didn't want to get up this morning. It's a Monday thing. :)

So I'm probably going on a blind 'coffee' date tomorrow. I can't think of a good reason not to and I think the guy is decent enough. He says he'll meet me anywhere and at least that way I get to pick where I'll end up spending my time and possibly money. That's, of course, if I even want to get outta bed. I'm having a mondo allergy attack so I feel crappy. Hopes are it's gone by tomorrow.

I want y'all to go by Sassinak's and read her feeler post. From my head to her blog I swear. Now if only I was doing anything remotely resembling exercise going on in my life. Other than walking around I don't do much, but things will change because soon I'll have money to take classes.

Onto the top 10:

10) i'll be home for christmas - bing crosby
9) blue christmas - elvis presley
8) montreal calling - mobile
7) on my own -hedley
6) it's beginning to look a lot like christmas - burl ives
5) reggae christmas - bryan adams
4) gimme the light - sean paul
3) fell on black days - soundgarden
2) have yourself a merry little christmas - chrissy hynde
1) silent night - stevie nicks

I'm working Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day. I'll be working New Years too so I'm underwhelmed with making any kind of fun plans. Since everyone pretty much wants to hang out ONLY on those days, it's like some kinda curse to NOT be available. On the other hand I'm gonna make some righteous coin so I'm not Totally bummed.

I'm off to make my 'coffee' date. Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:37 AM

17 December 2005

you follow me around :
There is nothing like going to see back to back movies. I saw Just Friends and The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe; yesterday. It was fun and I had way too much sugar (one giant rootbeer) and some chocolate bar. But it was fun and then I came home and made pasta with oil, garlic, peppers and chicken. I managed to go to the movies and dispell the myth I couldn't cook at all.

Not anyone here is having anything much to do with me. They are hanging out in the basement talking. I think it's kinda rude but then again it doens't much matter what I think because I never say anything. I don't need to hang out with them. The obvious seperation of them and me is just a bit of segregation that makes me wonder why they would ask me to live here and then make a point of making no effort to get to know me. Kid J was totally shocked I did the dishes. She seems to think it's the rare bird here that helps out.

Speaking of rare birds, I had lunch today with Beatle's guy. He's new. He's trying to figure me out but I was half way done lunch and he was just half way into his when I had to leave. It was like speed dating. Only I think it frazzles him that I just keep walking away. Well I am a stickler for trying to be on time. I don't always succeed. I try. It's all I can do right?

I watched the rip off remake of a Christmas Carol with Thomas Everett Scott last night and tonight. It's ok but I'm not so in love with TES these days that I didn't notice how he didn't really do the role justice, Infact I think it was mostly lame. I did like the Mr. Rose-Cogg actor. I always like him. An old favourite. I think my problem with TES is that he doesn't really bring honesty to the cranky and Scrooge-ish role he's supposed to be embodying. He did nuts ok when he was on ER but the whole mean and evil thing just lacks a certain authenticity. I can't buy it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Anyways I'm all happy go lucky. I'll be making the big bucks working Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day too. I'll have lots of bed buying power come January at least:) Now if I can just avoid catching a cold it'll all work out splendidly and everyone will be oh so happy and successful and it will be an excellent New Year.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:12 PM

15 December 2005

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas :
It got so cold today that the whole world frosted at 4 o'clock. Seriously everything was surreally white and it was super chilly. It was dealbale as long as the wind was down, shich wasn't for long. Apparently (weather channeling) we're in for a snowy ass kicking tomorrow. And I's just decided to do groceries tomorrow. MOstly because I didn't want to do them today. I dod get that bottle of Tarantula tequila. I did drink about 12 shots of it. I killed a quarter of the bottle and one tequila rose freebie shot and decided I wasn't going to drink anymore. I don't want the spins or to be sick tonight or tomorrow.

All the kids in the house are wussies. Not one would even try a bit of the tequila, let alone do a shot. It was nice to know that I can hang with them but none of them will make the slightest effort to hang with me. I can sit and talk shit about video games with Kid M and KId N and Kid E but none of them will hang out with me and watch tv. I know Friends isn't the greatest tv show, but if you are going to laugh at it then don't act like it's the bane of your existance.

Yea I'm underwhelmed at drinking alone. I'll get over it. Hopefully tomorrow isn't too bad and I can get out and see a movie and get groceries and all. I can't honestly sit around doing nothing all day. I was out walking the malss and bussing the streets most of the day before I sat down to drink a bit and watch copious amounts of laugh tracked tv. I got my mashed potatoes and gravy and chicken wing cravings all satisfied in one sitting at The Highlander Pub. They were nice enough to give me the potatoes, even tho they are generally only substituted for fries. I was so happy. The teeny bopper waitress kept calling me dear, like I was some little girl she was baby sitting. It happens often to me because I say please and thank you alot, and because I look you especially with all the rosy ceeks and -21 (celsu=ius) winter gear on. Oh it was fun to go out.

I called my family today. Everyone is good. My mom's operation went well. My sister is still going strong and my nephew is getting himself into uncharted territorie of trouble. They're having their usual holiday season. I'm wondering if I'll be working Christmas cuz we don't know yet and I don't work til Saturday. I'm gonna check to see if I can find out online. Nope of course it doesn't f-ing work. POS!

Anyways I'm all looking forward to having another day off. It always seems to bee too long between them when you have your weekend spaced out one day atht e opposite end of the week, so that when you get two days together it's a special treat to enjoy. I think it's just me though. I'm just weird. Not just because I say so but also because I really like to have my picture taken with santa claus. I want to do it this year but if I don't do it otmorrow he'll be gone from around here so I've got some decisions to make. I really don't know how Santa views the older girls getting their pics taken, but I don't really care either.

I got my only Christmas present this year. Work gave us all coffee mugs from the mall. They have a bunch of useless coupons in them like free coffee (I don't drink it) and money off a man's haircut. I'm not a man so that so doesn't work for me. My roommate Kid E likes the free coffee thing and was tres happy to get the free coupon. He's the only one here that does drink the stuff I'm told. Anyhow I don't have anything major or fun to say just thought I'd drop by and say hey.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 9:56 PM

13 December 2005

i fall behind the second hand unwinds :
Thanks my peeps, for the support. I didn't crash and burn in the misery tho - it may have seemed that way, but really I was better the next day. All it was was the 14 days til Xmas blahs but I'm over it now. Chatting people up, as I'm wont to do, always helps. That I managed to NOT freeze to death while sleeping last night and it was -25 out, with the windchill. The insulation/heating here sucks.

I'm living for tomorrow night because it starts my 2 day weekend. It's such a luxury to have 2 days off in a row that I'm really wondering what I'll do. In the mean time I'm going to have to budget and comparison shop - cuz before my birhtday I'm getting a bed. No ifs ands or buts.

I had a deja vu today, over the Tony Danza show. When ever I have a deja vu, I've learned, it means I'm going to make a significantly life changing decision at some point. No matter how small it is it will change everything. So now I'm a little anxious because I don't want to make the wrong one. I do, however, want to drink, eat a bit and be merry do getting paid Thursday will boost the funness of the weeks ahead a lot. In the meantime I'm hoping the Grinch goes by Y's place and cleans her out big time, bad karma for me but fair karma for her.

I'll be back later. Have a wonderful day people. Keep blogging.


I'm having delusions of home cooked meals. I want some mashed potatoes and gravy so much now I'm almost ready to make a roast. Of course I don't have one or the potatoes so I'm SOL there. Lins just gave me a rocking recipe for gravy without making a roast. WTG best friend from college!!!!!

I'll be dreaming about asparagus, roast and potatoes with gravy all night. I'm starting to wonder why I don't want to cook more, oh yea it's because I'd be eating roast 2 weeks. Hell the can of salmon I made this week is going to get me sandwiches all week. I'm not a fabulous fan of endless leftovers tho. So mainly the idea doesn't appeal.

I'm going to be so excited to be paid tomorrow I may have to stop by the Quickie and get a crispy creme donut to celebrate with. They just got them there today. Yeeha. I've got no one in my life right now so all I think about is food. Draw your own conclusions.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:35 AM

11 December 2005

and gravity lets you down :
I've never been good at enjoying being alone for very long. I miss having people I can talk to and who really listen. I met a guy like that at the Christmans party but I walked away to go play pool. I don't even know his name.

I enjoyed the party, tho I was bored for the majority of it. ALL the couples being couply and not a single soul talking to me. You could say it was the music but I was underwhelmed and it showed. The food wasn't great(like everyone said, I found out too late my top was see through and I had not one soul to talk to. True to form Carpool guy was nice enough but his g-f had to keep popping in to show off how he was hers and then she'd bring her friends to buffer, none of whome would talk to me let alone say hi when I did. It was really embarassing. I shoulda sat at the bar all night talking to the guy I met. Maybe I would have gotten his name.

So it's holiday time and as much as I'm looking forward to being alone for a bit here I'm also not looking forward to being lonely. Under the circumstances I'm going to be working the holidays anyways so I'm not worried about what I'm missing. I'm just tired of being alone. It's been me, myself and I too many times for the 'family' get togethers. I don't have a perfect family or even good friends to hang out with right now and, for wahtever reason it's making me really sad today.

So as I'm wasting away, dropping dress sizeas through (apparently) utter despair - I'm not that much appreciating it. But without further ado I'll let you get to the Mental Playlist which is much cheerier than I.

10) hung up - madonna
9) montreal calling - mobile
8) the messenger - the tea party
7) sugar, we're going down - fallout boy
6) fallen angel - traci lords
5) sway - michael bublé
4) songbird - eva cassidy
3) you're beautiful - james blunt
2) lsd - paul oakenfold
1) dreamer - amber

Amber - I'm A Dreamer Lyrics

No more I love you
No more I love you
No more I love you

I'm a...
I'm a...
I'm a...
I'm a...
I'm a...
I'm a...

Love, life, and laughter
Is all I believe
My savior is pure now
Because my lonely heart would pleed
I never learn how to hold love
And stay strong to love
Now I close my eyes now
And I'm dreamer right were I belong!
Oh, Oh, Oh

Here we lie all alone and I'm a dreaming
Your as smooth as my soul its unbelieving
Now you got me feeling
I'm a feeling
I feel your hands on my lips
Its a dream of a body
I'm a Dreamer oh oh oh!!!
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer


I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:59 PM

07 December 2005

take me home cuz i don't remember :
In the name of getting a post on here by the right date I'm here. I don't have much to say except I think Kid M has his girlfriend in his room. I don't know if we can have 'guests' but if she isn't in there then he's making some weird noises I don't want to think about. Eww sorry.

Y didn't bother to answer the phone when I called. Who here is suprised? I have a nice pointy hat for you to wear, now go stand in the corner with gum on your nose k? I'm waiting out the last one day weekend. I only have Saturday off then I get to work until I get 2DAYS in a ROW off. I'm psyched. Of course getting PAID that time make me happier because I'll be able to go do stuff. Oh and NEXT time I donate to charity it will be a REAL charity where people who need it get stuff, not selfish assholes. IF I ever see her again it won't be pretty.

Anyways I do have real friends. One said they'd come with mr to get my stuff back, and shoot the dog if it got in the way. It's a nice thought, not that I condone animal cruelty. I realize it's all talk tho, if I'd had a car waiting ther'd have been an excuse forthcoming cuz people are like that. I don't care any ways. I'm done with Y and her bullshit. I'm so happy I didn't become her roommate I'm ready to shop, and I only have 10 bucks to do it with so the idea is funny. I can grocery shop with that but not much else.

Anyhoo I'm off to watch LOST and sleep and such. I'll regale you all later with my exploits and eventually a new site design and some more poetry. Thanks for stopping by.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:40 PM

she makes me wanna die :
So I’m pissed. It’s not PMS either. I was screwed over by Y, that so called friend. She gave me a cheque for the stuff her and her b-f were getting off me. Guess who cancelled said cheque and now has NO TIME to talk to me. BITCH.

Anyways my day was nice until I got home and saw that shit. Because now I am in the minus and I don’t have overdraft so that should be freaking impossible. I know it’s because all this BS happened over the weekend and the cancellation of the cheque didn’t get processed til today sometime or I’m sure I would have seen declined all over the place, every time I tried to use my bank card. Oh just once can’t someone who owes me money actually give it to me and not lie, avoid, and not bother about it? Why doesn’t anyone actually pay their bills? I do, when I can. I don’t give someone a cheque they can’t cash, that’s for sure. (not on purpose anyways). Also now my next pay is already reduced more than the day I missed, it’s down almost an entire day on top of that.

Well at least I wasn’t needing anything like food or such, think I’m covered. Of course now I’ll go to the Christmas party with a bag so I bring stuff home, just in case I need food before NEXT Thursday. I’m tripping right now because I coulda hocked a lot of that stuff and gotten real money for it not this BS where I could have money for it if someone didn’t take the time to go PAY to have the cheque Stopped. I know that costs money. I have cancelled a cheque or 2 in my time and if she’s as cheap as I know she is (I KNOW she is), it musta hurt like hell to PAY to stop giving me the money she owes. Which means it was there - but she didn’t want me to have it. I’m no fool about STOPPED cheques.

So now I’m gonna stew about that til I go eat my Caesar salad and relax with some NCIS. I was having a good day til, now I wish I had a car cuz somebody’d be getting a personal house call and giving me back my stuff. Dog or no dog.

Speaking of pets. Pets LOVE me, have I mentioned that. The housecat here loves me and my room. Mostly because I sleep on an air mattress and he can’t get in here when I’m not here. I don’t want it popped. He visited earlier tonight, crawled under the blanket on the bed and the tried to attack me through it. Ah good times. Now that I’m smiling I’ll be off.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:40 AM

05 December 2005

ain't no use in complaining :
Except it makes me feel better. I was oh so good at work. I went, I stayed, I was polite. I came home and I waited until I could get a decent connection to blog. I'm waiting to go (hopefully) LMOA hysterically to kitchen confidential with Bradley Cooper and Michael Vartan in it. Fox is airing it, if it's not on there is How I Met Your Mother.

I thought I had a head cold a week back and I don't know if it's lingering or if I'm in a new house and just breaking in a differnt set of allergies to go with it. I'm awfully tired by 8pm, which is so unlike me. I'd say it'd SAD but I don't think so it's sinus stuffiness and congestion and it's probably half weather related and half not but it will hopefully go away soon.

I find it necessary to troll memeory lane these days and see what I'm so not rmemebering anymore. I am rabidly keeping track of who links here but can't recall my own (brand new) address or phone number so I can't even order in last night. I did but I had to ask Kid M and E for the info. I love theat WTF expression people get when I have a blonde moment. Oh they're still coming and I'm refusing to call them senior momonets yet, as my own Ma isn't even a senior yet (under 65 still) and I so don't wanna go there.

I'm thinking I'm so gonna tie one on at the Christmas party. I need to have some fun and there is Carpool guy who's going, that means I have a ride there and back so I don't have to worry about the bus at all :) I'm probably gonna return the shirt I bought that is WAY too big and just go with something I already have. I'll see if someone will take a pic of me so I can post it. I'd like to say I'm NOT paranoid but the comments pretty much died completely after I posted that pic of myself. Maybe I should never have gone there. Oh well.

Gotta run off and secure the telly for the show then it's nighty night for me so I can get up and do some grocery shopping and buy more bus tickets tomorrow am before work. I'm so planned out :)

Keep blogging.

PS if you wanna make my blogroll link me I'll add you NP.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:13 PM

04 December 2005

don't know exactly where i am :
So, lucky peeps, this is post 200. Monumentous? Nah but I like 200 as a number so I thought I'd share :0)

I went shopping for a chair. Dind't get one. Got some bath stuff and ANOTHER John Mayer cd. I got Travis's The Man Who too, so I'm all well rounded girl. Turns out, as I went clothes shopping today, somewhere along the last month I've dropped a clothing size. Actually I was between sizes before this so I lost like a size and a half. Oh my I feel good. I got that parmasean chicken sub for lunch, from subway. Yuck. It's frigging chicken fingers with pasta sauce, it's so not worth it. I shoulda gone for the meatball sub. I just want the cheese and the tomato sauce, I don't get to eat a lot of tomato sauce cuz them tomatos (and onions) hit me like I drank battery acid. It sucks because I love salsa and spaghetti sauce and now I just avoid them unless I feel the need to be ill.

Anyways. I'm gonna be honest I was almost a total sucker toady. I saw this flag thing in Wicks, and it's got an inspirational quote from Nelson Mandela on it. And I was THIS CLOSE to getting it to put in my room then I saw the price. 49 bucks. Err NO. I'm giving you the quote for free readers, cuz it's cool and I play that way :)

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask oursleves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our prescence automatically liberates others." - Nelson Mandela

I know 2 things. I am so gonna get the rest of the Buffy seasons this christmas - I only have me to buy for so I can plan that and make it happen. AND all I want for Christmas is a bed and a chair.

I'll roll on about the roommates now k? Since I'm the Old Kid on the BLock the rest are going to be known as Kid *. Now there is my landlord and his fiance Kid N and Kid J. They are cool and sweet and she is an amazon compared to him. One of thos odd couples but it works so what the hey. There is Kid E who seems nice but doesn't make much effort to get to know me. Then there is Kid M, who is making no bones about being a total JERK to me. He's shocking EVERYONE with it. Kid N says things like "It's so not like him." all the time and Kid J, who happens to be Kid M's sister (I didn't know BOY was she surprised), told him off after he was bitchy to me yesterday because I accidentally pressed the wrong button on the XBOX and didn't turn it off I opened the drawer instead. I appologised and all but he went totally postal and told me to NEVER touch it again. Bite me. As far as I can tell he's a spoiled brat who needs a good spanking and he LIVES to be the centre of attention and who knows WHY he has a problem with me (OR WHAT it is even) but he's making an effort to make an enemy of me.

When I get my next 2 days off together I'll make a roll call list of everyone I talk about here so anyone wondering will know who is who (sorta) and what their signifigance is. I know not many people read this really and not many take the time to say hi or blog roll me but if being ignored was all it took to get rid me of my family woulda lost my ass a LONG TIME ago. I'm resillient that way. I JUST DON"T CARE!!!!!!!

So yea I have the top 20 to get out here before I sign off, 2 weeks worth of MENTAL PLAYLISTS coming your way.

20 montreal calling - mobile
19 count on me - default
18 gravity - john mayer trio
17 if i had a boat - lyle lovett
16 heartbeat - the psychedelic furs
15 sober - tool
14 hello time bomb - matthew good band
13 rearview mirror - pearl jam
12 satisfaction - benny benassi
11 anger as beauty - hawksley workman
10 anyone can play guitar - radiohead
9 escape (the pina colada song) - rupert holmes
8 don't forget about us - mariah carey
7 i can dream - skunk anansie
6 because of you - kelly clarkson
5 crystal - new order
4 my stupid mouth - john mayer
3 bound too long - the crystal method
2 ex girlfriend - no doubt
1 smoke baby - hawksley workman

Smoke Baby
By Hawksley Workman

In your underclothes
You went out for a smoke
I call you in
Just before the storm begins
Your last breath of smoke
You let out in the room
It makes a cloud
Like the greyist
Perfect plume

Smoke baby, smoke baby
More alcohol baby
Cocaine in Montreal
And black out on a plane baby
An early flight will leave
And on it will be me, yeah
I'll be half asleep
And you'll get up at three

wholl give you time to cry
wholl give you time to find yourself

Casual as a light
Flickers before it's night
Sadness comes
And the daylight turns and runs
As the sun is setting you'll be betting
I'll be getting through
I'll find a payphone baby
Take some time to talk to you

Smoke baby, smoke baby
More alcohol baby
Cocaine in Montreal
And black out on a plane baby
An early flight will leave
And on it will be me, yeah
I'll be half asleep
And you'll get up at three

Who'll give you time to cry
Who'll give you time to find yourself
Who'll give you time to cry
Who'll give you time to find yourself

And I have never felt
Quite this close to hell
All this rock and roll baby
Only time will tell
But we're young now, having fun now
On the town now, get around now
It's fine for now
But someday we'll settle down
But not now baby

Smoke baby, smoke baby
More alcohol baby
Cocaine in Montreal
And black out on a plane baby
An early flight will leave
And on it will be me, yeah
I'll be half asleep
And you'll wake up at three

(2X) Somewhere on the outside

Get a little naughty crazy
blow smoke baby
Im your god hottie for shure not maybe
This lady wants you to take it off too
felt that way first time I saw you
Stur up trouble the kind I like
Hopein' I dont mind
Its a time when wrong is right
Break it off till your crew get lost
or else this heat might turn to frost
You know I bite and what its like when we fight
These drunk lips curse for spite
So lets do this right
make love all night
Wake up in time to catch the flight

(6x) Who'll give you time to cry
Who'll give you time to find yourself

(7x) Smoke baby, smoke baby

(4x) Smoke, smoke

Keep Blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 5:18 PM

02 December 2005

i’ll drink you slow but for a price :
Got some attitude from Carpool guy. I did him a favour of taping Survivor and Lost cuz he doesn't have cable or his dish working. SO I get this nasty email accusing me of quitting work to avoid him, cuz that's so realisitic. Aside from being massively weird and annoying he is also legally blind because he can't see me when I'm right there.

Add to that there's this chick at work. I call her princess slippers because she is SO at home at work she wears these gold beaded slippers and has a bag full of skin care products. This woman is always in the bathroom washing, or slathering something on her face. It's not like she's using proactive, she's using Alpine Secrets apricot facial scrub and moisturizers. It's not like she's applying Accutane and all the primping and posing and polishing isn't even for makeup. Seriously I'm wondering why she spends so much time on her face. She doesn't have the best skin but seriously I don't think what she is doing helps at all. Maybe I'm wrong it's just weird to see someone spend that much time on their face in the bathroom NOT putting makeup on it.

And then I got a toque today. I got it because I want to keep my damn hair outta my face (eyes, mouth, nose). I've got a giant head. I've got a lotta hair and finding a hat/toque is a chore. This one fits ok but it would never actually keep my head warm, it's far too snug. I love hoods for keeping my head warm but they do squat for keeping my hair in the off-the-face position. K guy said to me tonight, why don't you get it cut? Well I don't because guys seem to like it and because I want to get guys I keep it long. Plus I'm too cheap to pay someone to fuck up cutting my hair and have to live through anothe BAD haircut that makes me nuts. This way I can just put it in 2 or 3 ponytails (whatever it takes to stop the headache one creates) and go on my merry way. I have entirely too much hair and it growns like a weed. I could make a decent living as a hair donor, but they don't have those yet.

I'm boring because I'm tired. I need to sleep so I don't go postal on the phone at the next wondernut who keeps me on the phone nearly 2 hours doing the same thing over and over because she had some kind of brain tumor or deficit whereby she didn't remember what had just been done. Oh I snapped at her. I eventaully told her that she had to choose what she wanted to hook up because we weren't going to keep hooking and unhooking things willy nilly and trying to keep it all working when one thing didn't work no matter how many times we tried. She didn't like that, she didn't like me much but Oh WELL. Maybe she will get her problem fixed but not over the phone and NOT with me.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:42 AM

01 December 2005

here comes my life of crime :
She said "There's one thing you've got to learn is not to be afraid of it."

I never learned that. I maybe never really will. I have learned some other interesting stuff over my years tho. I know that some people never really learn anything and my goal has been to NEVER be one of those people. I'm dumb as a stump occassionally but so far I do manage to learn from my mistakes. I have lost som allusions over the years. They're marked by my greys, and I do have greys all you blind people can't see them for what ever reason - but they're there just like the everything else.

I'm happy enough. I'm obsessed with getting my room finished off. It's not letting myself get overly zealous about it because then I'll be stupid and over spend and it'll be bad. I'mm all about trying to be good. I got 2 new cd's to make myself feel shiny happy and it was fun to shop with the knowledge that whatever I got I still had money in the bank and lots of time to find what I want. I've got a split weekend again. I don't get 2 days off in a row for 2 weeks. I do however have the night of the Christmas party off and I'm so looking forward to going. I'm gonna splash out a bit and get a nice top and it'll be fun.

Since it's all I'm doing for the holidays it better be fun. I hope I can at least get someone to take a pic if not pick me up. Yea Ottawa has turned on all my self doubts because here there really is no good reason not to date. I mean other than the fact that I don't know if dating someone from work is a good idea and that I don't have a social circle to go out with to meet anyone else. Oh I'm slightly obsessed with getting back in the swing of things, it's been 1.5 years I've been avoiding dating entirely. I'll forget how soon because I never did it much to begin with and dislike it even with the best of people.

So I have a few plans and a few ideas and all I wanna do is have some fun. Now if all that wasn't giving me weird ass dreams and keeping me awake at night long enough to be tired during the day. In a way I'd love to be able to take a mental health day but I was just 'sick' 2 days and I'm already going to need a note to take another break. 1 break coming up Sunday and I'm planning to (maybe) just stay in bed all day because it used to be my Sunday thing but I haven't been able to do it in Months. I'm dreaming of a catered lie in tho. Not like that's gonna happen.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:32 PM

MenTal fUrbAll