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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

31 October 2007

you don't have to tell me what you did i already know :
My asshole roommates took that job. Then they wen tot work and told everyone about it but me. They waited until I got home that night because I, the person they're trying to leave living here paying for everything, was not important enough to tell. To add insult to injury they are now quietly going about doing things so I don't know what's happening until it's done. They had the cable moved without telling me today until it was done. They told me 2 days ago I could keep it because they have cable there already, basic at least. They didn't want me to change the precious package so it's gone now. Mostly because bitch covets my digital converter box.

They expect me to stay here and pay all the bills myself, they'll pay their part of the rent only. I can get a roommate if I want. Because that has worked out SO WELL in the past for me. Nobody fucking cares that my staying here and paying all the bills and having to get cable, phone and internet for myself effective makes it so there is NO WAY I can save money to move by the time the lease is up in April. A monster house like this and we have no idea how much the heat is going to be and I have to pay it all myself. GREAT.

I've called housing twice begging for emergency housing, the aren't calling back. No one wants to co sign for me to get an apartment so I'm screwed. The fucking asshole roommates will do it only IF a) they can break the lease here before the end of April or b)if at the end of April I have NOWHERE else to go. I'm basically living out my worst financial nightmare on Halloween and no one cares. The roommates think I owe it to them to stay here and pay for everything. People at work think I should just take off though no one is willing to help in the escape. Everyone wants to tell me how shitty this is. That I'm stuck in the middle of all this because they couldn't be decent and straight up and tell me what was going on, before anything happened.

That helps about 1% with the misery, but does nothing for the blinding panic that has me breaking out in tears at my desk at work or walking anywhere these days. I have NOTHING. No supplies to live alone, I 'sold' it all before moving here. "sold" because the bitch canceled the cheque to pay me for it so I didn't do anything but what I always do -> trust someone and get taken advantage of.

In desperation I put my mangled credit rating online to try to get into a nearby apartment. I await the response shortly -> the glaringly obvious NO we can't rent to you 2.5 years into bankruptcy me.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 1:48 PM

28 October 2007

can i face the day when i'm tortured in my trust :
It seems given enough time, I will hear everything.  People are currently in a rush to share every shred of gossip with me, that they have heard about my situation.  Even the lying liars who lie are getting sloppy(er) in their betrayals.

I came home last night to a house that had no lights on in the living room and opened the door to find the lights suddenly on on the girl friend of my married roommate walking straight at me.  If they were any less transparent in that cover up they would have been naked.  As it was the farce proceeded to their ordering food and pissing off the wife by not ordering her any.

For the wife's part she's decided to try to make friends with the girlfriend, which she steadfastly denies is his girl friend because he would never do that.  But he is doing just that, even if it's not about sex he's having an emotional affair with that girl and his wife just whines about how their sex life went.  Do I care that this is going on?  Not really.

I've told her what's being said at work about them and I've even warned her that this girls doesn't care about who she goes with, as long as she gets what she wants everyone is fair game.  All the wife can see is that this girl is fat and that makes her non threatening.  What an idiot.  In the mean time they're possibly grooming the big mistake to be the new roommate when I'm gone, and I say go for it.  It's a disaster waiting to happen and I'm so glad to not be there to watch.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 7:32 PM

26 October 2007

armed with scandalous frustration and grace too :
Sometimes you look at something and can see plainly that it's not right.  Sometimes you can look at something that is not right and miss that because you're blinded by faith, feeling grateful or loved or in love.

My life is about moving.  Moving places, moving people.  People move away from me and I them.  Sometimes we spend too much time together then have to back off, other times we banish each other and the remaining is lef to contemplate the evacuation.  It happens all the time.  Sometimes I can even tell you what exact thing caused the rift, but I never stop the chasm from growing.  I back off and wait to see how wide it gets.  Not because I want to jump in but because it amazes me how much people will avoid talking to you about things, even when you are friends or lovers.

People are not always ready to listen to what you have to say.  I can tell people things that are going to happen and they laugh and even treat me with scorn - but the things happen anyways.  If I could look at myself the same way and just know I'd be happier but I have little nagging doubts all the time, so I can't always tell important one from the run of the mill ones.  With others I can tell you a lot, and I don't really even neeed to know you well to figure you out.  It may be a talent, but it doesn't pay any bills.

In the grand scheme of things what is happening now - spreading rumours and lies throughout the work place, being lied to by my roommates, panicking over finances and having to move; well that's all temporary.  I have to try to hold it together and remember that I am better then the pettiness.  It doesn't matter what they tell people the truth is I decided in June I wanted out of the place, I guess I made that happen.  The next thing I have to make happen is the new fabulous place to live and, of course, the money to do that with.  It's going to hurt, especially not doing Christmas but I'm ok with that.  I splashed out last year and got bupkis so I'm not holding my breath for a different thing to happen this year.

To see who's playing what side of the fence I started a rumour of my own, to match the lie that I've been thrown out of the house that 1 of my roommates is supposedly telling his girlfriend.  The girlfriend his wife insists he doesn't have but we here at work all know exists, that is.  We'll see what happens with that.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 6:14 PM

25 October 2007

sweetheart bitterheart now i can tell you apart :
I've been cruising the boulevard of broken promises and shattered hopes. Dead dreams lay all over the place and the name of the day is to spill placations and platitudes to ignore that someone else has something going on.

It seems my roommates are lying liars who LIE. After telling me they weren't going to apply for this job (that they are in NO way qualified for or able to do (slobs being maintenance people?)) they not only did apply but have consistently lied about everythhing happening with the job since.

Now I have no credit being 2.5 years bankrupt so this freaks me the fuck out and all anyone is willing to do is say it'll be fine. I had to apply to the housing registry because they are the only p;ace that doesn't really care about your credit rating and even then I'm subject to credit checks once I get a place because all they deal with here are coops and I could very well not get anywhere to live at all. Does any one care? It doesn't appear so. I could be forced into a shelter if my roommates take off as it seems they may, and all I get is the uncomfortable side ways glances of those who can't be culled from the comfort zone to give a damn. No one even wants to help. I've gone from being the charity project to the dirty secret no one wants to think about.

All I can think is how I hate moving. I used to love it. I actually have had 1.5 addresses for every year I've been alive and I want it to stop. I thought this deal here was going to be ok, but they're selfish slobs who have decided whether they move or not I should go. So I'm back to trying to find a place to live, save first and lasts, get clothes for winter, train the dog, go to the gym, make friends, have a life, go to work, clean the house and listen to everyone go don't worry be happy.

Umm fuck you.

If it was the other way around I'd help you out> I can't tell you how many time when I had credit I cosigned for people. I got about a 50/50 return. I person did me right and the other stiffed me with the bill. No one will even consider doing that for me and I have a full time job I pretty much can't lose. It's nice to know I'm so untrustworthy no one will cut me a break.

Yeah it's the piss and moan blog. Get used to it.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:33 PM

02 October 2007

i have been saving smiles for you :
Have you ever owned a previously abused pet? Sure they love you to bits and they do so well for a week or weeks and then they go schizo and you're back at square one with training again. I have owned several abused pets. I like the downtrodden, it explains my exes too. Currently I don't have enough time to go to the gym and alleviate my guilt at having a life outside of my codependent dog so I haven;t been tot he gym. I'm going today because I need to go. Fuck it. My little carpet pisser will just have to survive without me while I go sweat to my mp3 player.

Then I get to come home and clean as no one else really does. The kitchen hasn't been swept or mopped in weeks, neither have the stairs or hallways. My roommate told me the other night he'd just been cleaning when I got home but you can't tell what with everything lying around like it was exactly when I left. If I wait for them to do it it never gets done so I do it and I get pissed because it seems they just expect it to get done wile doing nothing at all except playing Wii. They're soooooo broke but they bought a Wii. Whatever.

I did get picked to have a picture I took put on an online guide book. If you go to Schmap.com under Top destinations - North America click Ottawa, under Directory, Reviews & Photos click Hotels & Lodging, under By District pick Downtown and find The Lord Elgin hotel. I took that daytime picture, and I didn't get paid to have it shown but they did ask so I'm telling all.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:45 AM

MenTal fUrbAll