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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

31 December 2006

if you need to know while i'm still standing you just fade away :
It's been a few weeks. I'd say sorry but quality me time and healing was really all I wanted to think about. Not that I stopped thinking in the interim, gracious no - I just started to think how easy it is to get into situations that are somehow bad for you. I wonder if people somehow subliminally find places and people to foster the crap that they are most comfortable with? Mostly I wonder if I'm going to spend the rest of my life realising I've gotten myself into another bad living arrangement and wondering how to get myself the fuck out of it.

Case in point, my current abode of convenience. The whiteboard notes haven't stopped, infact there's a whole new level of toilet paper insanity goign on. Add to that Kid N and J didn't leve for 2 weeks thid Christmas they left for 4 days and had a stupid note posted almost the second they walked in and the tension here is kinda high. I know as far as they are concerned I'm just a tennant but I feel it's important to feel at home in your own house, and since my stuff is here it's my house. I don't need to hear snarky tirades about blaming people because I just made tea and left the remaining water in the kettle on the stove. Why did I do that? Because I wanted more tea and that water was already hot so using it up didn't seem like a bad thing. But what do I expect from them when it's note after note about the stupidest shit and yet they're ransacking the kitchen all night like total stoner burnouts with suicidal muchie binges on? Actually I expect the people who famously brought us the toilet paper activities note and the don't use the napkins and paper towels white board post to, oh I dunno, be as anal about themselves as they insist in being about others. Silly me.

Ok rant done. I had a 24 hour thing yesterday, I hope it was 24 hour cuz I need to be able to work for the next while so I get mey New Years stat pay. I don't know exactly what the problem was expect I was nauseous and my head really hurt and my sinuses were so stuffed I couldn't move. If I did it was like someone prying open my head, or trying to from the inside. Still kinda squishy today but I'm going in to work and braving the endless sicknesses others are bringing with them to do so. It's occassionally winter here so, of course, everyone is sick and they're coming to work cuz we're all sluts for stat pay. Every dollar counts when you're planning on moving to somewhere friendly and warm, at least in my case.

The foot is good. I had a huge honking chunk taken out of it and I got to watch this time as they had the chair all barca loungered instead of head to the floor feet in the air like last time. The Dr and the nurse made a joke about not being responsible for any nightmares I may have, it was funny and I didn't and don't have nightmares but I can describe what was done now in great detail and may be giving others nightmares :P I took the stitches out kind early so it took a week fot the incision to fully fill in and scab over and be ok. The ice rain didn't help, becuase I slipped and screwed up what had healed up so that's why it took a week. Usually I'm a fast healer. Given the slip and my insistance on walking around on it like it's fine, I'm sure my foot wants to kick my ass for being so mean to it and not babying it more but I gotta get around and aside from one day it's not had to go as the main mode of transportation for hours yet. I still haven't been on the bus, I'm holding off on that until I can be sure that the foot won't suffer. Winterish times do nothing to allay that fear, they just add water to the busses :)

I got some weird email from my sister the other day. She sent me a bitchy email about not phoning for Christmas and I bitched right back about having surgery. Now she's either shitting me or is possibly actually trying to make a connection. I've been fooled before. It usually goes something like let's be firends and then we chat a bit and then there's a fight or a demand to buy the family something couched in the 'if you love us' or 'aren't we friends?' crap that ever user who knows you're onto them uses. Usually the let's get a long thing is the introduction to really unsubtle questions about how much money I make and what I spend it on so she can make calculations on what to ask for. Seriously, I can see this coming now it's happened so many times before. I guess I'm jaded when it comes to family. Can't I just tell people I'm an orphan?

So there's the last few weeks in review. I have to go take some ibuprofen for the foot and then it's off to work I go. I hope the New Year is bright and Shiny for all of you. I'm feeling healed, we'll know if it took this time next month so I'll keep you posted :)

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:45 AM

12 December 2006

i drink alone with nobody else :
To bend to the public pressure I've been receiving today I went and spent a wack on a winter coat. I don't really have one I will wear all the time. I have a 3/4 length wool coat (and I itch just thinking about wool) but it has no hood. For the past couple of winters I've been making due with a shell and very old ski jacket liner. I decided to cave for 2 reasons. It's not even the 15th of December and all winter wear everywhere is on clearance sale and if I don't get it now I'll be without the option later and secondly because I'm trying to make a change.

I've been kvetching about my foot long enough for y'all to know it's a pain and I'm dying to get it all back to something resmbling working order. That is supposed to happen tomorrow. I says supposed to because I'm stressed about this. I've been mopre stressed about this surgery than the first one. When I'm stressed I eat and I've gone up a clothing size because of this and work. Why? Well work is hell but the real issue is the surgery. I know wht it's going to feel like. I can't say this time how bad will it be cuz I know how bad it will be. I'm worried he'll screw up again and I'll still be dealing with the glass in my foot next year. I'm totally terrified that as an add on to the end of the day I'm going to get there and be told the appointment isn't there on the schedule. That he's decided he doesn't have time to do this or that he does it, but is really peeved and I end up with complications.

Now that's far fetched I know but it's not inconceivable that things like that can and do happen. Shit happens. SO I'm tripping out and I'm wiggy and sleeping and I aren't so much pals anymore. I can't wait til 5 pm tomorrow when I know the ending of the story, at least until the swelling subsides :P

So to calm myslef I went to the movies where 4.25 Tuesdays ahs turned into you don't get a choice pop and popcorn. I decided to go see Deja Vu cuz I like sci-fi and it's about time travel (oh yes it is) and Denzel is a fine buddy movie guy. I'm always thrown off a bit by the bonded overbite, but he's the bomb for likeable guys. I see Denzel and I'm sure we'd get a long a ok in real life, even if he's a bit weird. Aren't we all?

Anyways I went and watched and remembered why Jim Caveizel is hot and wished I didn't have to pee so bad. I couldn't leave I was afraid I'd miss something. I really was. It was a good movie. A decent premise and the best hair I've seen on Adam Goldberg in ages. Add to that the puffy Val Kilmer and you've got 4 reasons I went to see a movie other than Jame Bond. Oh I want to see Bond but I'm saving him for later.

I like sci fi, which s why I'm loving the Lost Room on Space this week. That's a keep mini series for me. Now Deja Vu isn't quiet the same, it's a movie and all, but it's got a lot going for it and it does keep a solid pace going without too much head shaking and there's enough blow em up, blast em down stuff to keep the action fan happy. What I like best is it took the idea it had and made it seem real and powerful. The villain was really good, the villanous machine trying to keep Denzel from the girl was predictable and kind of laughable really, maybe that whole part was poorly edited - but in the end you were rooting for Denzel to white knight the hottie. She wasn't a very smart or integral hottie but she got the eye candy thing done and so I'm sure served her written purpose. This is not a cause movie really. At least I didn't find it was. For me there was a cause given, but it was more about what won't a guy do to get the hottie. Well Denzel was willing to have himself possibly deep fried (I'm so not giving anything away - see the movie) for that hottie he never met.

To me this movie stands out because it does what Paycheque didn't. It gives us a couple with chemistry, a bunch of smartasses trying to make a differnece and plausible contraption that explains some people's deepest fears. I'm also sure it's got a little rhetoric on the use of surveillance post 9/11 in it, but I can overlook that as it's a plot device. We have all the hollywood standards and with that is delivered a standard pop corn muncher with some sentimantalitly, some ego, some laughs and some sc fi effects. Throw in a few car crashes and it's a solid way to escape your fears.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 7:10 PM

05 December 2006

the devil went down to Gerogia he was looking for a soul to steal :
According to the rules…Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog. I was tagged by Sassinak.

1. I don't have 6 close blog 'friends' to tag. It took hours to figure out who to tag because I'm not a regular commenter and I don't get regular comments either. Some people are probably going to wonder who the hell I am leaving the tag on their blog after not commenting forever.

2. I get gamers rage. I hate to lose at video games and at one time had a collection of broken gamecube controllers to prove it. I don't think this is a bad thing as gaming is my stress relief. If I can afford to break it it shouldn't matter if I do is my gaming motto.

3. I'm so excited to have the glass out of my foot I'm positively jumping for joy. Even though it hasn't been long enought for me to forget how that felt the first time to have this done I can't wait to have done again. I'm not a sypmathy whore either, because seriously no one was even volunterring to help me out until I was fully mobile last time. This time it's a larger job and all I can think is my god it's going to be nice to have so much time off :)

4. I take people far too seriously. I'm a very literal black and white thinker. If you drunkenly tell me I'm hot or you're going to fix me up with someone I believe you. I will beleive everything I'm told until I learn that your are unreliable. If I learn that you are unreliable I won't believe a thing you say to me again, ever.

5. I'm beligerent to people who see me coming and get in my way. If you are walking and see me walking and walk in front of me so close I could and should kick or step on you or even better you stop infornt of me like I don't exist I will tell you to get the fuck out of my way you fucking ignorant cow. I try to avoid shopping over the holidays because of this :)

6. I have no class, tact or taste when it comes to men. I'm a total idiot and lack the social skils to even get noticed in a flattering way, so I've given up on dating. It's official you read it here first. Nice girls don't finish at all it seems :P

I tag Emily , Livvy , Factory Peasant , spared , Alex and RaJ.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 5:02 PM

MenTal fUrbAll