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What Came Before

2005.05 2005.06 2005.07 2005.08 2005.09 2005.10 2005.11 2005.12 2006.01 2006.02 2006.03 2006.04 2006.05 2006.06 2006.07 2006.08 2006.09 2006.10 2006.11 2006.12 2007.01 2007.02 2007.03 2007.04 2007.05 2007.06 2007.07 2007.08 2007.09 2007.10 2007.11 2007.12 2008.01 2008.02 2008.03 2008.04 2008.05 2008.07 2008.09 2008.10 2009.01 2010.01 2010.03 2010.05

From the ghost land of the easy life.

28 October 2005

stripping back the coats of lies of deception :
My madoration (man adoration for those of y'all who don't keep up), came to a screeching halt and today as I faced the glaring reality that I probably won't see Cutie again unless luck really shines on me. Now that we can sit where ever we like I ended up with another person I know from the old job, which so happened to be across the floor from EVERYONE else I was in training with. No Cutie sightings. SIGH.

I did however, manage to impress most of the guys I met by making eye contact. In geek land direct eye contact with a smiling face elicits smiles and general helpfulness - if they make direct eye contact in return. It's not hard to have charm with a smile and all, it's like shooting fish in a barrel here. I can't tell you how many sat up and took noticed's I got today. I started to notice because, well at the old job there was women galore and not much noticing going on. Here everyone get's the once, twice even thrice over. It's not a hostile workplace exactly, but it can make you feel kinda dirty.

I was thinking today, nothing deep like last night. Anyways I was wondering how it always turns out that I collect people that reflect how my life is right then. I was talking to this old friend last night. She was stoned as stoned can be, she generally always is outside of office hours. Her life not mine. She was asking me some pointed questions that made me wonder (I'm paranoid already about him since getting this job and all) if she was on a fishing trip for information to give my EX. I have no reason to think she'd run off and talk to him, but I have no reason to think she's being honest with me either. Time will tell on that one. It's not that I think she's a bad friend, it's just I know that people with habit's will do anthing to support them and if selling me out for a toke was an option - I can't say she wouldn't do it. I've had it happen, once bitten twice shy and so on.

I was thinking about this whole getting back to Ottawa thing, which is going well so far, amazingly hiccuplessly well BTW - if it isn't just something I have no reason to do. I can't help but wonder what my burning obsession to get back there has been. I'm not obsessive about the EX or his life now. I couldn't care less about the people I used to know or the job I used to do. I think I'm in love with Ottawa. God help me.

Stupid blogger just ate my post. I had a copule neato paragraphs here and now I have to try to recall what I wrote. I'm really pissed. Blogger is jealous of my love for Ottawa, or it doesn't want to have me reveal that I spent the day sitting beside frenemie girl. She was on all day about ther new boy frined, her old boy friend and who was cute or hot. She hasn't seen Cutie but she'd probably think he was ugly. Just like I think her picks are unfortunate and so not my type. I'm not sure if she's trying to be my wing woman or what, but she's not getting that a wing woman goes and gets the guys you want for you not the guys she wants but can't have for you. I think that's the way it goes, at least whan I'm doing it that's how it is.

I missed Cutie. I've gotten used to my daily fix of casual beauty. Yea I'm like that, all about the me :) I'm surprised how fast the days are all melting into one blur and soon I'll be sitting in a cubicle somewhere and realize it's 2006 and think - how'd this happen to me? It'll probably be about a week before my birhtday too, which will depress me because (unless my luck holdsand quadruples) I'll be buying a cake for myself and eating it alone. SO I'm going to say piece of cake now, because no matter how you slice it an entire birthday cake alone on your 35th is bad, wrong, sad and unfortunate. And I AM NONE of those things currently, and I don't wish to backslide.

This weekend will include updates to Soundbite Heaven and house cleaning junk chucking galore. If you know someone who wants a collection of red glass stemware or a Gamecube that has no power, tv connector, game pads or games - but does work has been plugged in and verified - let me know. I am a deadbeat so I can't get the means to sell any of this on Ebay. Saving you the typing that comment. I wish I had a dog today. I must have talked to a half dozen people in the last 24 hours who had a fun dog story and or anecdote to share with me or for me to overhear (aah phone work). I'm just lonely on a Friday with nothing but RERUNS to keep my company. Damn November sweeps.

Keep Blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 8:08 PM

MenTal fUrbAll