<link rel="me" href="https://www.blogger.com/profile/09115407204292666806" /> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(//www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d13240712\x26blogName\x3dMenTal+fUrbAll\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://amber7211.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttps://amber7211.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d1431219103088438155', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script> Today's Honoured Guest

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

13 May 2010

I'm not perfect But I keep trying :
It's been a while. I've been running around looking for a job, relaxing, enjoying the actually low stress of not working in a call center anymore and praying for a lotto win or just some epiphany on what I want to do now. Everyone keeps asking me what do I want for a job, what makes me happy and all I know is it's a variety of different things. I love baking, laughing, cleaning and taking pictures. I love listening to music and writing. Is there a job out there that incorporates all that? Let's not forget helping people and animals and I have some varrief and incongruent interests.

Oh I know what I don't want. I don't want a call center job, I don't want to be tied to a phone and have the rules of conduct changed on me second by second whim by whim. I want consistency and loyalty from an employer. I have yet to find that dream job, the one where Ii work hard and am appreciated and promoted. I am not that ambitious, but I'm loyal and trustworthy and I want to work somewhere for the rest of my working life. I'm tired of this finding a new job every 3 years BS that's been happening. And now too, in the middle of a recession I'm trying to find work with the other 600 people laid off from my workplace and everyone else who is also looking.

I have little money and a worse for wear wardrobe and I need a sugar daddy or an inheritance fast, but I'll make it work - I have to. The fun starts June First when I can't pay rent and continues on until I get evicted or a job, whatever comes first. Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 3:31 PM

22 March 2010

You are such a jerk :
I don't get the 'kids' today. I don't necessarily mean people of a certain age either. it seems this particular form of ego centric assholery isn't strictly reserved for the young, but many of the youth of today partake in it with a licentiousness that is frightening. It's beyond disgusting what they feel passes as 'being a friend' these days. Some people don't know any better, treating their 'friends' ans Marie Antoinette treated the rabble is their modus operandi. Their friends a\k\a followers accept this treatment and ignore most of it for whatever reason, as they feel that what they get from being around this person is worth it.

The Jekyll and Hydes are the worst. Ususally they want something from you and while they are getting it they are sweet as pie. After a fashion thinly veiled barbs and insults appear and eventually all conversation devolves into a feud with them, because they are so very insecure that they use whatever they can to bellittle others to make themselves feel better. I'd like to say I feel sorry for this lot, however I know the road to self love doesn't come from being petty, viscous and absolutely rude to everyone including themselves. There is a subset of these types, the openly two faced, who, while torturing some with their 'friendship' are actually nice to anyone else who happens by, to demonstrate again, their superiority and how inferior the brunt(s) of their bullshit is\are. While somewhat less distasteful to the masses, who are generally blinded by the passing whim of kindness, this subset is as objectionable as the first sentence of this paragraph suggests.

I have yet to find any real value in putting someone else down to make myself feel good. I can be a bitchy and catty as the next, but I'm usually just a mirror. I really feel satisfaction in giving them the same bullshit they are feeding me. They don't like that, it usually makes them worse, however it's karma baby. If they think I suck for doing that wait til the real karma kicks in and they're asking me if I want fries with that in their next job\life. It hardly takes karma that long to start kicking your ass.

Keep blogging !
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 6:54 PM

07 March 2010

if your heart is nowhere in it :
I hate Hate HATE job interviews. I feel they are like horrible bad dates where the suitor may try to kill you with an axe, only in an job interview only your ego gets shredded. I've never walked out of one feeling better about myself, which is not to say I didn not get the job I usually always do - but the process sux. We're not officially laid off yet either so the business of making time for one is arduous. Skip a day, don't get paid, don't get the job (potentially) and feel beaten and downtrodden for at least a day. My good friend at work says I'm a very funny writer and I should try doing it professionally, adsense my blog up and see if I can score the mother load through ad-clicks. It does sound intriuging but I hesitate because I don't KNOW I'll actually make money.

I wanted to start a baking business. Talked about it a lot last year made a few cakes, everyone loved them it was a good time but my potential partners are running scared because of this lay off and I'm not sure I can do it alone. I need some backup, some poking and prodding to keep me going. Otherwise I just nake for myself and give all my coworkers free stuff and listen to them bitch about getting fat. I actually started cooking it all myself on the off chance that my allergies to artificial colour, flavours and tartarzine as well as MSG were adversely affecting my health. I feel better without all of it and I am losing weight so it seems to be working, albeit slowly. Slow and stead wins the race they say. Hope 'they' are right.

So in the things I didn't mention before category, for a while I was seeing a shrink. My family Dr, also known to me as Dr Useless sent me to get 'help' because he said even though my old Dr sent documentation that I did indeed have PTSD he didn't want to keep giving me the anxiety meds unless it was shrink approved. So off I went to Dr Crazy, she reallt is. Our first meeting she tells me I have authority issues (duh) and we will never connect so she didn't understand why I was there and she probably wouldnt keep me as a patient. I especially like the part where she told me she had no interest in hearing about my 'gorey' past and that that wasn't what therapy was about. She said therapy is about changing the life I have now. Well don't we have to look at how I got here I asked. She said talking is good but it's not necessary. At the end of the session she tells me to think about how I want to change my life and come back and tell her next time. Okey dokey.

I go the next time and she tells me I am an angry little kid blaming everyone and taking no responsibility for myself. She says I'm not really trying to get what I want out of life. She could be right. I haven't resorted to violence to achieve more money, status and power. It works in the movies and it's about the ONLY thing I haven't done - well that and whore myself out. She didn't like that response. She basically wrote me off as a quitter who spends too much time looking for flaws in my superiors rather then working to my full potential and ignoring them. Her real nugget of wisdom form that session was that smokers are seriously unhappy and I should go out of my way to cater to them and be nice to them as their life is so much harder then mine as they have an addiction. Well technically I'm addicted to air, food, water and shelter. Where's my love? Also she told me people with tattoos are sadists, the realized that means you like to hurt others and chaged that to masochists (pronounced by her as machoists). She said that tattoos are a desecration and that people who do that to themselves are deeply troubled. I said it's my temple I'll decorate it as I see fit. She wrote that down to 'remember'.

I didn't stop there. I went back for more german accented Oprah rehash. The third appointment she told me I had wasted most of my life being overweight and it was almost too late for me to change. She wanted me to have Dr Useless refer me to an endocrinologist as he must be either missing something apparent or just skipping over finding a way to make me thin. I also told her I had gotten free tickets to Sexapalooza and took my friend for her Birthday. She told me anyone that thinks sex is funny is depraved, that people that go to sex shows are deeply sexually dysfunctional and need help of the highest sort and that I was a deviant and going to suffer from loneliness forever because I saw nothing wrong with that kind of show or the fact it had a dungeon.

About that time I decided I had had enough with the judgemental Dr Crazy and saw Dr Useless where I told him that she was offended by my weight and wanted me to see an endocrinologist. He got pissed and said she is a medical Dr she can order it herself and then he asked why Iwas going to her at all since we didn't get on. I siad it was because I thought I had to to get my meds. I told him some more of her 'insights and he said the magic words. I will refer you to someone else if you want you don't have to go back there. I haven't been back since. I do so enjoy my life without BS platitudes.

I'm really going to miss all my friends from work when we don't get to see each other anymore. If only someone out there would hire me for a hot office job I'd be set. Keep blogging :)
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 4:20 PM

MenTal fUrbAll