my peeps The Boys

RaJ
Tayster
factory_peasant
Surfer Mitch

Scared Bunny
Jake
Hof

my peeps The Girls

Sass
Steff
Crystal

Lyvvie
Cate
OEN
--spared--

Rachel
bitchy

Pajiba
Dlisted
Janet Charlton
MPH
Go Fug Yourself

the pretty pictures

Tristan Roy
Owen Billcliffe
No Traces
Sam Javanrouh

the professionals blog

Radiohead
Matthew Good
Margaret Cho
Rick Mercer
Tony Pierce
Whil Wheaton
Waiter

shameless self promotion

: Name: Ambrrrr; Location: Ontario, Canada

blue eyes, crooked teeth, intellectual, goofball, slacker, socialist.

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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

07 March 2010

if your heart is nowhere in it :

I hate Hate HATE job interviews. I feel they are like horrible bad dates where the suitor may try to kill you with an axe, only in an job interview only your ego gets shredded. I've never walked out of one feeling better about myself, which is not to say I didn not get the job I usually always do - but the process sux. We're not officially laid off yet either so the business of making time for one is arduous. Skip a day, don't get paid, don't get the job (potentially) and feel beaten and downtrodden for at least a day. My good friend at work says I'm a very funny writer and I should try doing it professionally, adsense my blog up and see if I can score the mother load through ad-clicks. It does sound intriuging but I hesitate because I don't KNOW I'll actually make money.

I wanted to start a baking business. Talked about it a lot last year made a few cakes, everyone loved them it was a good time but my potential partners are running scared because of this lay off and I'm not sure I can do it alone. I need some backup, some poking and prodding to keep me going. Otherwise I just nake for myself and give all my coworkers free stuff and listen to them bitch about getting fat. I actually started cooking it all myself on the off chance that my allergies to artificial colour, flavours and tartarzine as well as MSG were adversely affecting my health. I feel better without all of it and I am losing weight so it seems to be working, albeit slowly. Slow and stead wins the race they say. Hope 'they' are right.

So in the things I didn't mention before category, for a while I was seeing a shrink. My family Dr, also known to me as Dr Useless sent me to get 'help' because he said even though my old Dr sent documentation that I did indeed have PTSD he didn't want to keep giving me the anxiety meds unless it was shrink approved. So off I went to Dr Crazy, she reallt is. Our first meeting she tells me I have authority issues (duh) and we will never connect so she didn't understand why I was there and she probably wouldnt keep me as a patient. I especially like the part where she told me she had no interest in hearing about my 'gorey' past and that that wasn't what therapy was about. She said therapy is about changing the life I have now. Well don't we have to look at how I got here I asked. She said talking is good but it's not necessary. At the end of the session she tells me to think about how I want to change my life and come back and tell her next time. Okey dokey.

I go the next time and she tells me I am an angry little kid blaming everyone and taking no responsibility for myself. She says I'm not really trying to get what I want out of life. She could be right. I haven't resorted to violence to achieve more money, status and power. It works in the movies and it's about the ONLY thing I haven't done - well that and whore myself out. She didn't like that response. She basically wrote me off as a quitter who spends too much time looking for flaws in my superiors rather then working to my full potential and ignoring them. Her real nugget of wisdom form that session was that smokers are seriously unhappy and I should go out of my way to cater to them and be nice to them as their life is so much harder then mine as they have an addiction. Well technically I'm addicted to air, food, water and shelter. Where's my love? Also she told me people with tattoos are sadists, the realized that means you like to hurt others and chaged that to masochists (pronounced by her as machoists). She said that tattoos are a desecration and that people who do that to themselves are deeply troubled. I said it's my temple I'll decorate it as I see fit. She wrote that down to 'remember'.

I didn't stop there. I went back for more german accented Oprah rehash. The third appointment she told me I had wasted most of my life being overweight and it was almost too late for me to change. She wanted me to have Dr Useless refer me to an endocrinologist as he must be either missing something apparent or just skipping over finding a way to make me thin. I also told her I had gotten free tickets to Sexapalooza and took my friend for her Birthday. She told me anyone that thinks sex is funny is depraved, that people that go to sex shows are deeply sexually dysfunctional and need help of the highest sort and that I was a deviant and going to suffer from loneliness forever because I saw nothing wrong with that kind of show or the fact it had a dungeon.

About that time I decided I had had enough with the judgemental Dr Crazy and saw Dr Useless where I told him that she was offended by my weight and wanted me to see an endocrinologist. He got pissed and said she is a medical Dr she can order it herself and then he asked why Iwas going to her at all since we didn't get on. I siad it was because I thought I had to to get my meds. I told him some more of her 'insights and he said the magic words. I will refer you to someone else if you want you don't have to go back there. I haven't been back since. I do so enjoy my life without BS platitudes.

I'm really going to miss all my friends from work when we don't get to see each other anymore. If only someone out there would hire me for a hot office job I'd be set. Keep blogging :)

ghost writer Ambrrrr at 4:20 PM

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