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From the ghost land of the easy life.

08 September 2008

is it any wonder i don't know what's right :
I finally got the gumption to start looking for a web host service and emailed a local place that offers domain services and hosting. Of course they didn't get back to me. It makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with these places? Ok I'm not a business and I won't be making a lot of money from my site, but I'm willing and able to pay not only for the domain name and hosting but all I want is the ability to run a wordpress blog and I get zip.

I'm getting to the point where I'm too pissed to care. I just realized my second last post didn't post it was stuck in drafts for no reason. My job SUCKS and I'm getting numb about it, I am literally only there because of the money now and every day it's an argument I have with myself that I have to go there and do the work to get the money so I can have the things I really want. Of course that doesn't include a life because I am a shift worker and socializing doesn't factor in when they decide to make you work weekends 10 hours a day and with random days off that you won't know about more then 2 weeks in advance. While they will positively batter you within an inch of your life about the time you want to retire, they seem to feel that disabling your ability to plan in advance will in any way hamper your desire to remain with the company. Don't even get me started on the fact that being a woman in this dump guarantees you less ability to move up on the now non existent ladder from agent to anything else. Oh I HATE my job.

I'm at the point now where I am starting to panic about how worthless my entire life is, my job stress dripping into every part of my existence. I want different, better or at least someplace where being appreciated isn't just a lip service event. I am starting to fear that I'll just quit, fuck the pension, the benefits the above minimum wage pay. I almost want to cry with frustration when my alarm goes off and I know I have to get up and go to that damned job. I'm seriously contemplating calling in to join a generalized depression study since for months now I don't want to even leave the house and see others, work day or not. Well actually I've always been generally anxious, paranoid and suspicious. I had a bad childhood you see.

I am not at all happy that I haven't kept up with this blog, but I will make the excuse that despite the mental trauma my job is causing me and the physical suffering that has induced, I am making other efforts to be kinder and fuzzier to myself that are making other area of my life better. Since taking a firmer grip on my diet and eliminating almost all artificial colours, flavours, sweetners, tartarzine and msg I feel better and am forced to actually cook for myself (egads!). I've had those food allergies for years and never thought much about them but have noticed since I started eliminating that from my diet I am losing weight and having fewer allergt headaches (sinus related). Not that I inhale my food but I swear somehow eating it would cause sinus issues for me. I'm not 100% allergy free as I'm still allergic to the rest of the world but it's helping to lessen the overall drearyness of the allergy seasong for me and that is always a good thing.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 9:56 PM

MenTal fUrbAll