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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

14 March 2008

it falls apart in little pieces on the floor :
There is always the other shoe. If everything is calm and peaceful and flowing smoothly there is always something that will happen to kink it up. The other shoe falls and things go wacky. We're losing our contract. If it isn't enough i just moved now I may be looking for a job, and I HATE that. I really don't love the idea of doing billing and having people scream at me day in and out and about whatever, because they can and we can't hang up. I don't like that idea one bit. I am already weighing my options.

Of course my options so don't pay what I make now. Leaving this job means MORE loss. A pay cut, a loss of benefits, loss of vacation, loss of friends. I can't forget leaving for anything but another call centre makes me a regular joe, and that pretty much ruins my schedule of vampirish nightowlism. I finally got into the graveyard groove and mow I'll be back on days. Not days I get to pick either, but I may get the weekends off by default. Maybe, because no one know anything for certain. No one that is talking to me anyways.

But I've been thinking of this for a while. Thinking getting a real job, an actual 9-5, regular office job would be awesome. I have only applied for one, because I want to go where I am interested in and not another stop gap job where I while away my days, watching my life disappear doing nothing I even remotely care about because it's easy. Because I'm too lazy to try to get something else. Something better, something where I actually may have value and a boss I like (haven't had but 1 or 2 yet).

So despite all the rigmarole I've been through lately, all the angst and annoyance, the total stress and bullshit of the move and making the money to afford this choice -> now I have to make another series of stressful and hard choices that could leave me unemployed if I get turfed in the 3 month probationary period all jobs seem to have now. Maybe I'll get lucky. I'll walk in and BAM we'll click and all will be AWESOME. Because I believe in fairy tales and I really need this last bit here to be the last shoe to drop. I have several complete sets now. So universe, if you're reading, be awesome.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:54 AM

MenTal fUrbAll