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From the ghost land of the easy life.

09 December 2007

what you’re here for, what you bleed for, what you live for :
It's all right now. I have, in the bizarrest and most panicked fashion, gotten exactly what I wanted. I realized this the other day. I wanted those roommates to just disappear and they did. I wanted a new place to live, and I got one without anyone else's help or co-signing of leases. I managed to get exactly what I thought I wanted.

I wanted to live alone again, I wanted a dog for company and I wanted to make as much money as possible. Now I have another apartment I'm not crazy about to move into 1st February. I have a psychotic dog that can't remember who is in charge and I have the graveyard shift at work again, because it's all what I wanted right? I've got it all.

I also want friends who want to spend time with me. People I can call up and talk to, make plans with and actually do those things with. I need friends not related to work, people who aren't tired of me because they see me all the time already. Right now I have no one to call, no one to talk to. No one to shop with or see a movie with. Everyone I know already has friends and lovers and family and plans. I'm the one scrambling to work for the holidays so I don't have to be alone, again.

Some may argue that having a dog means I'm not alone, but he's a terrible conversationalist and lacks social skills. He can't go to the movies with me or shopping, I can dress him up but he's never going to replace people entirely.

So now I have to find a way to be more social. To make friends and meet people to go out with and have fun. I've reached my quota on rearranging my circumstances, now I'm onto changing my life. I don't know if I'll start small but I'll make this happen too; because I am important to me. I am worthwhile to know and good enough to associate with. It's time I stopped waiting. I can go and do things alone, been doing it for years, but now I think I can find accomplices who aren't afraid to join me.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:39 AM

MenTal fUrbAll