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From the ghost land of the easy life.

12 November 2007

so don't you lose sight of me now :
When I look back at the various decisions that I have made that may
have brought me to this point I wonder if I had made one differently,
or 2 or 3, would I be here now? If there are alternate realities are
there other me's who did make different decisions in the same kind of
pickle - or are they all much happier and I'm just the schlub alt
who's stuck in a shitty time line? Whatever the case, the assholes
who caused the current mess are not leaving fast enough.

I did manage to get a call from housing for a below market rent place
last week. I was kinda shell shocked about it. I mean how perfect is
that? In my time of need I get a rescue call. Being hard on the
pragmatic side these days, I refused to get excited about it. I hoped
it would be awesome but I didn't want to believe it was the thing to
go to, just in case. So I take the 2 buses there and get lost because
the mapquest and google maps don't have the street broken up by a make
shift parking lot. I finally found the place and the guy showing it
to me isn't there. He doesn't answer his phone or show up on time
either. I'm already not happy when he gets there 15 minutes late and
then rushes me through the place.

First off, I don't care how hard up I am, I refuse to rent from a
company that thinks good business is showing an unclean apartment to
anyone. At the very least they could have cleaned the shit off the
bathroom wall before having someone in. Despite all his assurances
that the place would be cleaned, painted and the holes in the walls
fixed there was NOTHING selling me on that place at all. The
neighbourhood creeped me out and I have lived in some rough
neighbourhoods in my life. I lived for almost a year on Sherbrooke
Street in downtown Winnipeg. 2 blocks from my house someone was
beaten into a coma for their shoes. We were a block from the drug
dealers at the corner pool hall and the huffers and rummies littered
the streets. I didn't feel a t all threatened there. I had such a
bad feeling about this place I was kind sure the elevator would just
plummet to the basement and kill us as we went to the 7th floor.

As it was the guy pretty much forgot he even met me. Called the next
day to appologise for not meeting me. I told him we met the day
before and then he couldn't get off the phone fast enough. After that
I thought I should have lied because he was so nice before I told him
we'd met. Oh well.

In other news my roommates girlfriend, the one he doesn't have because
he's married, well she volunteered to my friends that she would cosign
a lease for me to move out of that house. She refuses to say any of
this to my face though, so I don't know if I believe that she meant it
at all or if she was just trying to make friends with people and using
me as a charitable in.

I can't say that I'm interested in her offer because,even though I am,
it hinges solely upon my emailing her which seems like a really good
way for her to forward everything back to him and make my life hell.
I can't understand why she would offer that to my friends then
literally stand in front of me and say nothing. Not one word about it
to me. It's so fishy eve I can smell it.

In the mean time I have to get my shit together and get my secured
credit card, because I need to get my credit back on track enough that
I can be an ok risk all by myself. Obviously I can't rely on other
people to go out on limb for me or do what they say, the time to have
that blind faith in others is gone and it was killed by the current
people who are #1 on my FOAD list.


Because of them I have an uncertain financial future, AGAIN. Because
of them I don't know where I'll be living this time next year AGAIN.
Because of them I currently can't help but wonder how much of anything
that anyone tells me is a complete LIE. Seriously. You can stand
there and give me a 20 dollar bill and I'd think it's probably
counterfeit - that's how utterly paranoid I am about people and their
word. And it's pissing me off. How do I manage to find all the
shitty back stabbers? Really, why is that my gift?

I'll be alone again, for Christmas. That means I'll be working. Not
that I was willing to spend the holidays with them, because I didn't
want to; but I didn't want to be going home to another festive season
where I'm the only one there either. I do have the dog this year, but
it's cruel to dress him as a reindeer then go to work just so I can
enjoy it when I get back. He'd probably eat the costume while I was
gone anyway. All the stress in the house is making the dog nuts
anyways. Poor abused baby he is, he doesn't take change well and is
de-furring his left leg out of stress. I have 3 kinds of bitter stuff
to deter it but he still does it. I don't know how he'll take being
the only thing in the house when they are gone. I mean it's gonna
make for all kinds of fun and quiet and relaxation for me, but for him
it's going to be interesting to see what happens. Hopefully this
doesn't make him uber possessive of me. He already has a bit of that
in him and I don't want to encourage that.

Hope you all are enjoying the new bitch blog. Keep blogging.

ghost writer Ambrrrr at 5:04 PM

MenTal fUrbAll