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From the ghost land of the easy life.

26 October 2007

armed with scandalous frustration and grace too :
Sometimes you look at something and can see plainly that it's not right.  Sometimes you can look at something that is not right and miss that because you're blinded by faith, feeling grateful or loved or in love.

My life is about moving.  Moving places, moving people.  People move away from me and I them.  Sometimes we spend too much time together then have to back off, other times we banish each other and the remaining is lef to contemplate the evacuation.  It happens all the time.  Sometimes I can even tell you what exact thing caused the rift, but I never stop the chasm from growing.  I back off and wait to see how wide it gets.  Not because I want to jump in but because it amazes me how much people will avoid talking to you about things, even when you are friends or lovers.

People are not always ready to listen to what you have to say.  I can tell people things that are going to happen and they laugh and even treat me with scorn - but the things happen anyways.  If I could look at myself the same way and just know I'd be happier but I have little nagging doubts all the time, so I can't always tell important one from the run of the mill ones.  With others I can tell you a lot, and I don't really even neeed to know you well to figure you out.  It may be a talent, but it doesn't pay any bills.

In the grand scheme of things what is happening now - spreading rumours and lies throughout the work place, being lied to by my roommates, panicking over finances and having to move; well that's all temporary.  I have to try to hold it together and remember that I am better then the pettiness.  It doesn't matter what they tell people the truth is I decided in June I wanted out of the place, I guess I made that happen.  The next thing I have to make happen is the new fabulous place to live and, of course, the money to do that with.  It's going to hurt, especially not doing Christmas but I'm ok with that.  I splashed out last year and got bupkis so I'm not holding my breath for a different thing to happen this year.

To see who's playing what side of the fence I started a rumour of my own, to match the lie that I've been thrown out of the house that 1 of my roommates is supposedly telling his girlfriend.  The girlfriend his wife insists he doesn't have but we here at work all know exists, that is.  We'll see what happens with that.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 6:14 PM

MenTal fUrbAll