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From the ghost land of the easy life.

10 October 2006

let it play out buy the rights to endless love if your friends don't like it you can tell them for me to fuck off :
When it starts to get cold I start to notice how much I don't get touched. I didn't grow up in a friendly environment, we didn't hug much and as I grew up I learned to be physically stand offish. My evil twin is as touchy feelie as they come, but it's a natural thing for me to touch someone and not wonder if they mind that I touched them. I mind when people I don't touch me, it just sets off alarms galore in my head; but sometimes you want to be touched. You want a hug, a kiss, some affection. I dislike being single for the total lack of touching and affection. I can do almost anything else I need, since I'm a girl with a toy box - but the touch thing.

I think it's that this time of year is when you cover up more. Since I have sensitive skin I have to moisturize almost all the time, but in the winter it's so much more important to moisturize then in the summer. In the summer you can sort of slack a bit without consequence but not in the winter. At least not me. All that slathering lotion, looking at the parts of me that will miss the warm aire and sandals and the sun makes me long for someone else who'd enjoy applying the lotion. It's the kind of day today where it feels like that someone will never come. Worse still, it's shaping up to have been that kind of year.

Sure there was that Summer fling, but it was a boring guy and a boring time that I hesitate to repeat with anyone. Mostly because it was just a lousy time. It's hard to be with anyone who doesn't make an effort to get to know you or care to recall anything about you. It's the littlest bits of attention that stick with you, that make a difference. The difference between someone you'd really want to get to know and someone you'd make time to get to know is how imporant they make you feel right? Catching the details is what defines that difference. Unfortunately NOT everyone gets the same time of day considerations and we all know it.

I'm divorsced now and no longer dating on a sliding scale of imperfections. Speaking of imperfections -> when do you let the details flip you out? Do you freak when the guy who says he doesn't smoke has nicotine stains on his fingers? When the single guy who says he doesn't have kids starts telling you all about his son's birthday or when that not married guy's wife shows up? It's all in the degrees and everybody lies. My lie? Omitting my age. Oh I know I have to give it up and take the risk that the younger guy will still wanna talk to the older girl, and no matter how many times I tell someone my age they so forget anyways so I don't know why I feel so WRONG about my age and younger guys. I guess I caught the bad attitude from society. Now how do I lose it?

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 2:52 PM

MenTal fUrbAll