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What Came Before

2005.05 2005.06 2005.07 2005.08 2005.09 2005.10 2005.11 2005.12 2006.01 2006.02 2006.03 2006.04 2006.05 2006.06 2006.07 2006.08 2006.09 2006.10 2006.11 2006.12 2007.01 2007.02 2007.03 2007.04 2007.05 2007.06 2007.07 2007.08 2007.09 2007.10 2007.11 2007.12 2008.01 2008.02 2008.03 2008.04 2008.05 2008.07 2008.09 2008.10 2009.01 2010.01 2010.03 2010.05


From the ghost land of the easy life.

06 August 2006

i'll drive so fucking far away that i never cross your mind :
Sometimes you find an ally. In an ally you find a mirror and somehow what you see reflected back isn't the best and brightest of yourself. Somehow it's a twisted form of bitterness that you hear and see and recognise as your real problem. Once you have that knowledge what are you supposed to do with it? What are you supposed to take away from it besides the fact you have a pavolvian response to a negative stimuli that brings out your inner bigot?

I've moved into a bigger room, it feels kind of like a cave and I'm liking it because Kid E moved out and Kid M is camping so I'm the only one here. As the only one here I can do what I want. I can do what ever I like for now cuz Kid M will be back tonight I'm sure. I'm being assured he is moving out, and all the rooms are rented and I can't stay in the room I'm in now as I said I wanted the bigger room and now I have to take it. It's not the money thing so much that's bugging me but the fact that I said I wanted to think about it and in the meantime my fate was sealed and no one asked and no one even bothered to tell me what was going on at all. In point of fact no one knows right now what Kid M is doing, where he's going or when. So I could be here in this room when the other person shows up to move into it. My worst fear really because it's too much traffic and Thursday I get that foot incision.

In the mean time I want to take a lot of the stuff from this room, some of it not mine, to the next room. Of course it's going to leave the next person with less stuff. Kid N and J say they don't know how or where the new girl is going to get furniture. Her dad has a furniture company, so maybe I can get a deal on the bed but I don't know her yet or anything about her. I think the landlords are kind of worried about her being black. I don't think they're racist, but they aren't adventurous and worry that someone too far removed from their culture will be hard to live with. They're afraid of having someone cooking odd food in their kitchen, ultimately all the woes in this house boil down to bad kitchen behaviours. Outside of the whiteboard war being waged over camping tools that is.

I'm kinda thinking I want to not move to that other room. Not just because I'm lazy but because I'm thinking it's all carpted and all small windowed and not that much bigger and why is it 50 bucks more? Kid M doesn't pay fifty bucks more, so how is that fair? I'm just whining. I can totally afford it, but right now I can't see it and I just want the move over with. Since all the kids aren't talking no one has any information to give me and my friends say to just ask Kid M, Thing is he is He of Little Information. I know he's not going to tell me if he's got plans, because he hasn't told anyone who matters to him. This is the same guy, who money hungry as he is, won't pick me up from the hospital because it's got nothing in it for him.

All I really know is I'm tired from moving two rooms of furniture on Friday. I kinda got light hearted shit for not telling anyone what I was doing, but I don't care. I'm hoping kid M leaves the table they gave him to mod Xboxes on, as I can do puzzles and tarot readings on it. Yeeha. In the mean time the room I'm supposed to take smells like mouldy boy and I don't want to go live in it. That's my real problem I think, it's that the room smells like dead feet or moudly boy. Something strong enough to have me smell it and to make me want to puke. I think that's part of his evil plan though, to totally disgust whoever gets that room next.

Oh yea and I get the final divorce papers as of the 17th. I'm going to party and have a cake because I'm free and clear and I can win the lottery now without sharing anything with him. I'm so happy about that. I'm kinda random I know and I'm kinda absent, but I'm trying to get back here with something to say, y'know? Onto the previously absent top ten.

10) hate me - blue october
9) split screen sadness - john mayer
8) atomic - blondie
7) warmer climate - snow patrol
6) king of new orleans - better than ezra
5) don't leave me - blackstreet
4) put your arms around me - texas
3) it's a sin - the pet shop boys
2) laid - james
1) give back the love - the philosopher kings

GIVE BACK THE LOVE

i would never give back the love, you gave me
i would never undo the past, that made me
even when the memories hurt
it woud only make me feel worse
if i were to give back the love, you gave me

you were never more than fifteen minutes away from me
growing up on the very same street never you without me
i was there when you crashed and you burned and cutoff your hair
it was me that helped you find your way back from nowhere ohhhh
time flies and wipes away all my regrets
so young how could we know what we have but now that i know
i woun't forget nooo

so i would never give back the love, you gave me
i would never undo the past, that made me
even when the memories hurt
it woud only make me feel worse
if i were to give back the love, you gave me

always say it like you say something no one else could see
there were nights when you burnt so bright i thought that you would blind me
i was there when you cried through the night and you let your guard down
i was there when you steped off track and started running around ohhh
time flies and wipes away is a regret
so young how could we know what we had but now that i know
i won't won't forget ohhh

i would never give back the love, you gave me
i would never undo the past, that made me
even when the memories hurt
it woud only make me feel worse
if i were to give back the love, you gave me

when your promise was boken
thats when your love was stolen
from me
i'm on my knees
all i have laft to trust, your memories

i would never give back the love, you gave me
i would never undo the past, that made me
even when the memories hurt
it woud only make me feel worse
if i were to give back the love, you gave me

i would never give back the love, you gave me
i would never undo the past, that made me
even when the memories hurt
it woud only make me feel worse
if i were to give back the love, you gave me

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:12 PM

MenTal fUrbAll