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From the ghost land of the easy life.

08 June 2006

the ones who love us least are the ones we'll die to please :
I have a thing for singer/songwriters. The Replacements released another Best Of Tuesday, it has 2 new songs. Paul Westerberg is the bands' singer, he's a drunk by all his own addmission and accounts. He's sober right now and accordingly afraid to go on the road with the band - cuz old habits die hard. One of the best things about Replacement records is wondering if the surlyiness and slurring is caused by drink or something else. Everyone has their demons - mine's donuts :)

I served the EX today. It's a grey menacing day with a chill in the air. I was early (as always) and without back up. My backup was waiting for Leon's to deliver his new furniture and a/c today. I ended up with universal backup, 2 guys waiting for the bus. As it was it was uneventful. The EX looked like shit. Which made me evilly gleeful. Not that I went looking like a swimsuit model - but it's kindanice to know I'm getting the living right is the best revenge. He was on his way to work so he blathered a bit and went off looking for all the world like 3rd rummy-hobo from the left, in any of Rideau Street's panhandling productions. Yay me.

I'm feeling the need of an occassion. Birthday season is upon me but eveyone I know is the Grinch wo stole the Party from Birtday Party. I tend to think of a birthday as a reason to celebrate the fabulousness of the person, not as a grim reminder of marching toward the grave. I am the girl who ordered and went out in an ice storm to get her own Birthday Cake. I got like 2 peices and everyone else here ate the rest - and they didn't even wish me a happy birthday. If I had my way all birthdays would require cake, possibly an arrangement of helium balloons, presents, pictures and the off key song styings of a group of people you may or may not know. No clowns, but maybe a stripper if you're good.

I don't get that for my virthday, cuz I must suck. No one wants to celebrate me being around, so I do it myself. Fuck y'all. On the other hand I'm more than willing to do it for my friends. They are more than willing to be beligerent about it. It's so much fun to get a present and cough yourself blue while making and baking and icing a cake (cuz you have undiagnosed bronchitis) and not even get a thank you or any acknowledgement you tried to make it a heppy day. I especailly love going to the trouble of all that and then NOT getting invited to the planned party. Oh I have so many frenemy stories I could make you hate people. But I tried. I came out too celebrate the fabulousness of you. I may have worn a skirt/dress (cuz I don't really have any reason to or desire to wear one to work EVER). Why isn't that counting for something. If I had a million dollars for every gift I gave someone that went to waste, I'd be Overlord of the Universe right now.

I really want to do the cake, I will even go to DQ and get an ice cream cake if your frosty little heart desires one. But I must look like some sort of Evil Birthday Fairy. I keep getting shot down. I get relegated to the maybe a card or can't we just twiddle our thumbs instead line. Why does no onw in the world love an occassion? Why does no one want to be fussed over? I get not everyone wants to be taken to The Lonestar and put in the the Giant Sombrero and sung to. I'd secretly love it. I would be all red and embarassed and stuff on the outside, but inside I'd be so impressed. Mostly cuz no one ever cared enough to do anything like that EVER. I have a family best at ripping each other apart not good at celebrating one another. I know I'm the exception and not the rule. I know most people had all the birthday fuss sll their lives and are tired of it. Not me. Maybe it's because I'm a Capricorn (on the cusp of Aquarius) and we age backwards. Maybe it's because I embraced my inner moppet and she wants to party with confetti and pin the taiil on something. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to wear a dress and look nice.

I don't get to really do that. I don't do it for work, I'd freeze to death and I don't need the annoying guys to appreciate me in a dress- I don't need the wrong attention ego boost. I don't get to pwrty for Christmas or New Years. I have no couple occassions that warrant a dress. I can't get anyone to go out for Halloween and for Beltane you're supposed to go naked. Got you didn't I? I don't generally have a reason or a whim to wear a dress. I apparently REALLY want to wear a dress. I think I may have to take myself out on Saturday, in my NEW dress and do something occassional and get it out of my system. Then people will stop rolling their eyes at me when I get all excited about their birthday and start rapid fire inquiring about the party. I'm so uncool. But really, I don't want to be made to feel bad about wanting to celebrate my friends any more than I want them to feel bad about slapping me down (cuz they do and I think they like it really). I could go all emo and just throw their presents at their heads and stalk off. Bet that would make them wonder.

The condo corp, for lack of mowing ability due to forecasted rain tomorrow, came by at 8.45 to dig up the front garden. The landlords just planted it last week and today all the greenery is in a garbage bin while 2 freaks from the condo corp dig up the garden to put in drainage stone. This was an unannounced excavation. If they had known the landlords would have waited to plant. Cuz let's face it, maintenance goons don't give a rats ass if they ruin you perrenials while they do their job. They are not gardeners and you are psycically obligated to know they are coing like some kinda garden plague. Your green thumb should have been aching.

Yesterday on the way to the courthouse I was on the MacKenzie King Bridge and I saw a rabbit. Just because I am Anya in the Buffyverse, doesn't mean I ran screaming in the other direction. It was more like "Look. Aww cute bunny." I talk to myself cuz I'm a good listener. So the bunny was running headlong towrds the bus lane. I said "Bunny stop. You don't want to go out in the traffic and get squished." And the bunny did. I didn't stop dead, it slowed and hopped for ward once or twice as I walked closer, but I passed it by and as far as I know bunny did not take on and lose to a bus Wednesday. It's my wildlife story du jour.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:14 AM

MenTal fUrbAll