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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

24 May 2006

thing is time was :
Now I'm back to 300 posts. I went downhill after moving the poetry to another page. I was MIA. Making people believe in god - that's all I have to say :)

I'm kinda tired with allergies and all, plus I'm keeping myself up so I can be all on track for the next 5 days. Wherein I will be talking to all manner of annoying and arguementative, but-you're-just-a-girl types. Cuz it's summer and it's their long weekend and we never get to volunteer to go home early. I think there should be a Get Outta Dodge card. I'd work myself into the ground for that card. I wanna leave as soon as I get there. It's my kinda card. It's not like I'm the only one with that idea in their head, I'm just the first to say it. I know I'm definitely the first to say I don't care if using the card means I don't get paid. I'm cool with that, I can do math and I know when I need the money.

Since I'm a spending freak I've been shopping. I like to shop, mostly to get out of the house. I like my bed but there's only so much time I can spend in it comfortably. And I like going out and about with a purpose. I got crocs. For those of you who don't know they are these things, and they are shoes - kinda. It's like wearing squishy slippers and they're cool, but my feet are getting blisters - cuz my feet are in between sizes. So the M I got is too big but the S would be too small - as these 'shoes' have sock like sizing. They span a set of sizes. As I look at the link the pair there is red, exactly like the ones I have. How fortuitous.

I've been honing my psychic abilities. I am now able to judge how my day is going to go by thinking of who I want and determining how they will respond to seeing me. I got it 100 percent right tonight, I wouldn't be here now but the married friends are sick and I don't need to catch a cold. I want to be healthy, wealthy and wise. I got some of that covered. I'm slowly analysing what about me keeps me from the other. I'm also examining my defenses. I'm really kinda hard to get to know and I think it's less than fun for my current interest. I'm trying to get over it but it takes time to scale the walls I built. He has walls of his own, so we're evenly matched. And that can be a problem there right? When we're doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts and keeping the same distance. We're equally indecisive/easy-going which makes making plans a real exercise in generosity of spirit.

He wants to know about me. I don't know what to say that's real. What really matters? Is it important to just say what comes into my head or craft a real and truly fleshed out response? As time goes on I know he'll be like, where in the hell did that stoic girl I couldn't get to answer a question go? In the mean time I cheshire cat it into the best, not too weird, answer I can pull out of my 'closed for the holiday' mind. It's like those multi coloured feet on the do it yourself ballroom dancing mats, there's a certain pattern that is supposed to happen. Right? Or have I been confused by hollywood and television and storybooks again? I thought I had a script, and I thought I knew it all and now there's a new player in town. And he thinks I'm the cool kid. Truth is he's the cool kid => if only he'd listen to me when I say that.

So I'll work on speaking up and we'll see what happens next week, cuz dating is serialized currently. But I got the stereo to work. Turns out Nero updated and decided my burner should burn at 52x, which ISN'T supported by the cd's so they play weird. Turn the speed down and it's all sunshine and roses again. SO I am once again soumdly satisfied. I'm ok with the finale of Alias. Not so much caring about what happened on LOST. I do like that Desmond is back, or was => we'll see. Hoping that maybe Sark gets a spin off and that the summer season isn't so horible I want to barbeque myself instead of watch Big Brother :)

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 8:22 PM

MenTal fUrbAll