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From the ghost land of the easy life.

28 May 2006

i've got to hang out all my hang-ups :
I'm a definer. A labeler if you will. I like to know what something is so I can figure out how it fits in. It's not that I'm not a fly by the seat of your pants kinda gal => cuz I so am. But there are parts of me that need organized intelligence to function without breaking. It's partially because I know there's a difference between what people say and what they do. It's also because I've more than once gone along for the ride to find out I was the extra who gets cut out in the second reel. I don't like not being comfortable with the natural unraveling of a story, yet over the years one learns fast to find the signs of what's to come. Some peole are inscrutable. And that's a problem.

I get along with certain people like a house on fire. It's fast, it's easy and it's always a good time. In most instances that's fine but when it comes to others it speaks only to fast death of the situation. Going too far too fast can be a killer. Live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse right? Not always the best way to handle relationships. Friendships either. I find in any case that those who are all on the tops with intros and the plans and the your buddy, my buddy, we buddies - are the kind who stay around and are inclusive. Then there are the negatives. Those people so busy telling you what's wrong with themselves, how badly they treat others, what a bitch/prick they are (or used to be). They act like it's hard for them to trust but they're really sucking you in to fuck you over. In the end they've taken the time assessed your weaknesses and decided what they can get from you. And I usually give it, I'm a giver. I get taken for a ride a lot.

It doesn't help when people say what they are like. You have to spend time with them to see them in action and if you don't get to pick where and when, then seeing them in action can be skewed to seeing them at their best in an environment they are comfy in. Sometimes you gotta venture beyond the comfort zone. That's usually where the ideas of the person breakdown. The calm and cool break and flounder under pressure. The pretty turn ugly when uncomfortable. Sometimes you end up showing off your unprettyness in trying to get to know other people, but that's the thing. If someone likes you - for whatever reason - they've gotta take all that you are. Some people don't think that's true.

That guy at work, the one I scare. He's gone the other way with his interested. He's decided that play ground tactics are the better route to go. So instead of chatting me up he calls me names. He comes by and say flip things to people I'm with, and they don't think he's funny. But he does. He thinks it's cute to 'playfully' punch me. He's done it several times now, in the shoulder => but I've asked him to stop. He seems to think I'm joking. I'm not. When seemingly good guys get mean is always beyond me - but first off it hurts. For whatever freakish reason my upper arms are really sensitive and even a little poke in jest will bruise them and it hurts. And he thinks I'm joking. I do reflexively say OW to things that don't hurt because I know they should - but in most instances only something that actually HURTS will get me to say OW. Ususally it's more like OW fucking OW shit that hurts.

I don't know what it is about guys and the sneak attack either. Flirt guy will sneak around the cubes to tap me on the shoulder while we're on calls. Now that's cute. I can live with that. Being whacked in the arm, or having my chair checked while I'm talking PISSES me off. Now that I'm going to chat I won't have to worry about saying something rude to the customers but c'mon. What's up with that? Wasn't smack the girly ou like something that boys did in grade school? I'm too old for this shit.

In the mean time it's not like I can threaten him with anything less than harassment. Which seems kinda severe but I may have to pull that loudly out to get him to back the fuck off. Of course I could tell him I'm married and lie and say my husband will kick his ass if he doesn't lay off. I don't advocate violence, but sometimes the 'boyfriend' card gets these skeezie dudes to take a walk. Cuz that's what they are when they get mean => skeezes. They don't want a confrontation with another guy, cuz they're all about feeling powerful and unless they other guy is a 5 pound midget - they aren't going to feel too powerful. Women though - well they're just there to entertain. I've got my back up, if he whacks by tonight I may tear a strip off him.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:49 AM

MenTal fUrbAll