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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

07 May 2006

i was there and you were my baby :
I went out and mad groceried early. I start a half hour later this week so I had the time. Since I got my hair done and all that I've been feeling intensely different. I'm not sure why but I do and I like it. I feel the sunshine again. I smile with ease and I sing along again. I found my way out from under the weight of my world and I plan to stay there. Be happy for me as I soldier into the new question mark of my life.

I came home and performed more surgery on my stereo. One speaker wire has a short in it. Egads. I got the Neverending White Lights cd and I'm going to enjoy it this week. It's easier to embrace the melencholy of my soul then fight it, I love sad songs. They make me happy.

Since I'm a new person, since I felt that shift and the start ofthe slide to change => I have realized that I don't really have a game plane for my life. I've been playing by other people's idea of what my life should be and now that I call the shots I see I have no direction. I wonder if it's a really bad thing to begin coasting 15 years away from 50. I wonder if I should bother wondering and not just let things happen.

Mental Playlist

10) summer son - texas
9) the grace - never ending white lights featuring dallas green
8) belle of st. mark - sheila e.
7) rough boy - zz top
6) killing me softly - the fugees
5) i wish - jem
4) blasphemous rumours - depeche mode
3) london rain - heather nova
2) extraordinary - liz phair
1) sick of myself - matthew sweet


Sick Of Myself
Matthew Sweet

You don't know how you move me
Deconstruct me
And consume me
I'm all used up
I'm out of luck
I am starstruck
By something in your eyes that is keeping my hope alive

But I'm sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world that's ugly and a lie
It's hard to even want to try
And I'm beginning to think Baby you don't know

I'll take or leave
The room to breathe
The choice to leave you
I'll throw away
A chance at greatness
Just to make this
Dream come into play, I don't know if I'll find a way

'Cause I'm sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world that's ugly and a lie
It's hard to even want to try
And I'm beginning to think Baby you don't know
I'm beginning to think Baby you don't know

There's something in your eyes that is keeping my hope alive
But I'm sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world that's ugly and a lie
It's hard to even want to try
And I'm beginning to think Baby you don't know
I'm beginning to think Baby you don't know

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 1:10 PM

MenTal fUrbAll