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From the ghost land of the easy life.

08 May 2006

i go to waste all my time is missing :
I had a 'rough' night last night. Sometimes I have nights where I'm pretty much awake every hour on the hour. Lately I haven't been sleeping solid. I've been kind of excited, but it's all imaginary excitement and I'm letting it affect me in the wrong ways. It's hard for me to sleep at the best of times. I have a few less than admirable traits like a bad sense of smell, no tact, a high tolerance for pain and the inherent inability not to think. Shutting down the facility is more like re directing the energies to somewhere else. It's why my dreams have soundtrackas and I generally remember what they are about. Last night is no exception.

Aside from the typical stress dream where every one I encounter has a computer problem for me to fix (and someohow the ISP I work for has obtained global domination) I had to forcefully make myself think of other things to dream of. So then I'm dreaming of taking a giant travelling office building to another town with my mom, sister and a bunch of older people I usde to live with in low income housing. As much as I'm trying to get away from them I need them to help me out and get me into the building/car. I can't get left behind, and I'm not => but I'm kind of confused and lying to the Big Brother type voice driving.

Why? Because suddenly I'm remembering in the dream that I've actually dreamt this all before. So when the voice asks where it knows me from I first answer it doesn't. I then remember I've dreamt this before and back pedal and fluf because I don't really know if it knows me or not, if it remembers we already did this before and so on. If I was good with paradoxes I might have had a fighting chance of not coming out of that conversation feeling like a moron. But it was a dream and I went from being the Queen of Tech Support and all wanted, to being just another low rent schlub feeling like a loser on a short bus.

Yea so waking up every hour on the hour last night led me to wash my hair and now it's full on fluffy and it looks not so sleek and cool and I'm wishing I had my own stylist. Mostly I'm wishing to not be so tired at work that getting home gives me my second wind and I'm up late an still not sleeping right. I don't want to spend my first 2 days off in a row in a while, lying in bed trying not to be a zombie because I apparently have caught the insomnia that's goign around. At least if I have caught it, it's because of good feelings and thoughts and smiles. I'm a late bloomer so I'm just getting my first losing sleep crush ok?

I had The Grace stuck in my head ALL night. I had to look the lyrics up and everything because it's all kinda muffled when I try to hear it on brain radio. I saw the video like a week ago and since then it's become a pervasive song in my days. It's like Keep Myself Awake by Black Lamb => it keeps creeping into my head at the weirdest times. And then there's just my all time favourite Queen song that keeps spinning and making me dance => I Want to Break Free. I make a lot of mixed cd's, because I just have to hear these songs when they got on my mind. Of course some of the same songs keep showing up, but they get higher rotation in my brainpan I guess, so they get the repeat treatment. I'm going to be obsessed with The Grace until I learn all the lyrics inside and out. Then it won't be the loudest song in my head, because my brain can't tease me with knowing it better inside then I do on the outside of my dreams.

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:25 PM

MenTal fUrbAll