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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

12 March 2006

melancholy and cool, kind of bitter sweet love on repeat :
I enjoyed the warm and sunny days we had. It was a nice weekend for me and now I'n for a split up of 2 days on one off, 3 on one off. It'll be nice to be home to watch NCIS, that's all I can say about that. It was a nice change, the break in the weather. Thursday I had to crawl up the lane to the front door, because we had ice rain and it was so slick that I couldn't walk up it. I managed to get on it but started sliding backwards right away. I decided I'd rather crawl then take the risk of my bad ankles and trick knee giving out and landing me on my ass with some real pain.

On the other hand this guy at work called me gorgeous. I know it's a work guy and I said I wouldn't date anyone from work again. I'm not dating him, he's just the random office crush guy. I don't have a crush on him. He seems to have one on me.

So on my days off I was absent here. I got the paperwork for my divorce and started filling it out and got kinda depressed on how much of it the EX has to fill out for it to be a no contest/joint application. I could just serve it on him but it'll take longer and I kinda like the idea that I maybe totally gone of him by August. I sent off for the marriage licence yesterday. At least I'm on top of that.

To celebrate the impending dissolution of my mistake (which BTW an old friend tells me all marriage is, and then says that it's also HELL and a nightmare) I ate and drank a lot. I feel ill now, I'm so sick of it that I wish I'd never had the mini party to begin with :) Not that I'm hung over, I just feel stuffed, constantly now.

I have to say I'm so disappointed witht the Outback Steakhouse these days. I sold my wedding ring and some other attrocious jewlery that the EX gave me, yesterday. Got more than I thought but less than it was worth. I wasn't going to argue or dicker so I just said ok when it came to the price. SO with the celebrating monay I went off for a steak. I ended up having the Mad Max burger. It came out well, but with tomato, even thought I said no onions and tomato. At least they got it half right. I went becasue the Outback used to have a great selection of steaks, now the list is less than half a page and all way over priced. I can get the same strip steak at the Highlander for more than half off their price. And it's just as good. I'm goign there next time.

To add insult to bad dive bar atmosphere, this creppy couple with kid came in. I guess my sitting there with myself in a booth having dinner pissed her off in some way. He came over with a giant stupid grin and way overhyper 'hey hey hey - ok' attitude. He wanted to measure my booth. He brought both place settings to check to see how wide the seat to table ratio was. He then went back and demonstrated to the creepy bitch that indeed I was sitting at a similarily sized table. The made a gesture about how another place setting was needed or how it looked as if it was just one setting wide.

Shortly after my food arrived vreepy bitch and the man and kid either left or moved tables. Apparently I was grossing her out, as she was watching me like I was some kind of side show freak. Now that wasn't exactly what I went out for, and it's been a long time since I was embarassed of my size (which is still shrinking btw) but I wanted to go rough that creppy woman and make her feel small and low like she was trying to make me feel. Some poeple are so rude.

I shopped a lot and now I have a new digital camera. Which some guy stopped by me to tell me he was a professional photographer and all digital cameras were pieces of shit and worthless and film was is and will always be the bomb. I'm so standing there thinking unless you're going to give me a canrea shut up. He pretty much talked me into getting something because I wanted to take pictures. I suddenly wanted to take pictures of everything. And the camera I got was onsale, it was the last display model and works fabulously. I also got a new comforter - which is huge and colourful and makes me feel like I'm sleeping in a giant parachute. I found out the hard way it's needing to get taken to the laundromat to be washed and dried as it's so big it overpoweres our machines. They can't wash it or dry it properly.

I got to put it into service last night as it finally was dry. It's nice and overpowering. I actually feel like I'm being eaten by it, in a friendly warm kind of slowly hapily disappearing kind of way. I'm indulging in my own The Pretender Season 3 marathon. I'm also working on figuring out what the Mental pLaylist should be. Here goes =>

10) a kind of fairytale - tori amos
9) my fathers chair - rick springfield
8) all i want - toad the wet sprocket
7) you wouldn't like me - teagan and sarah
6) you stepped on my life - the philosopher kings
5) kim (she said) - concrete blonde
4) hear me out - frou frou
3) smoke baby - hawskley workman
2) in my head - anna nalick
1) take a walk - neil finn and friends

No lyrics for that yet - I may get them up later once I get them all written out. Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:44 AM

MenTal fUrbAll