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From the ghost land of the easy life.

04 February 2006

i take a look at my life and realize there's much left :
Yea though I walk through the valley of the chatter of doubt, I will fear no word.

I thought of that tonight as Coolio spun through my head and I took in my 21st friends' rap about people. She a) hates people and b) doesn't believe in having friends. She says she was fucked over by people one too many times. Now she's having none of it. I think it's all hype bullshit because I'm not living down to her lowest expectations. I'm sure I'm failing somewhere, because there's gotta be a balance right? - but I'm not sure where. She’s not much of a talker more of a statement maker. There's an air of myth making there, but the legend in your own mind kinda myth.

If blogger eats this post again I'll pout I swear !!!!!!!! Ok I'm pouting because it ate it again. So I'm being smart and copying and pasting everything again to word and then trying the damn thing. It's funny, today is my day off and I'm all alone left to my own devices and all anyone wants to know is what I'm doing. Why aren't I at work, why am I here. Gee do I throw a little wrench into the works? I think it's dawned on the house that I so don't have to worry about hearing them ever; I have quite the set up in my room and can more then create a solid wall of noise for myself. And all the kids are infighting and I'm slightly amused at the over all level of passive aggression displayed all over because if they just talked about this pidly shit, they wouldn't have to be mad and slighted by it all the time. Good idea for us all I guess.

It's a long day when I have nothing to do. I feel lost and adrift and I've so totally lost my taste for adventure. Because lately it seems like adventure comes with more baggage than I do. It has to be the stars, making me wonder again. It has to be something else to have the wheels come off and still keep going and then get re-wheeled and keep going. If they could do that in formula one those cars would never have to worry about the length of a pit stop. If I could patent this I'd be rich and terrified of someone wanting me for my money :) Now I'm broke they pretty much have to want me for me :)

And ALL I wanna do is lie in bed and watch some new movies - but I can't rent any cuz I don't have a membership and I don't want to spend the money. I've also decided I'd rather never shop on the weekend. I was at Walmart. That Mecca of the cheap and poor, and I was spinning a thought. Since I worked there Walmart has lost a lot of its glitter. I still adore that there are things there I can't get elsewhere, and the process are decent. But it's really get what you paid for there, in that you may have to go again in a couple days, weeks, months and get that thing again because it's cheap at Walmart because it doesn't have the best quality. Not that this is some sort of revelation but I know so many people who are so disappointed at the low quality there. It's that whole want the whole cake and to eat it too thing I guess. You can't have it all. Well maybe if you are Oprah.

BTW if you were really surprise that the old O tore that writer a new one, then whose show have you been watching? Oprah started doing live sacrifices as soon as she lost weight. Since that happened she has become someone I can't stand to watch. Money has changed her, into the perfect all knowing all fearsome career killer she is today. It's sad that she went on for a while backing the guy up just so she could have him on the show and eviscerate him - but I knew it was coming. Because sadly, Oprah is a bit drunk with power and felling superior and if someone makes you look stupid - killing that buzz - look out. So don't cross O. Don't watch her either; she's boring and unoriginal. I haven't seen her really REALLY listen to anyone in years and I'm not sure she's not been replaced with a robot. If she has been she can just exercise all the time, wear her expensive favourite thing pyjamas and eat whatever she really wants before working out again. That's what being a billionaire is all about right?

There's nothing wrong with working out. I like it. I just think being smug about doing something that is really really hard is ok, for a bit. If you totally forget how hard it was to do and can't have any sympathy or compassion for people going through what you did then - THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. I think it's a sign of forgetting the past in an I DIDN'T LEARN ANYTRHING from it BOUND TO REPEAT IT kind of way. That's just me. I am a history major; I know what forgetting the past does.

In the mean time I have the downtime necessary to paint my toenails and contemplate my belly button. I'm going to enjoy it and stop caring about Oprah. She can pay people to worry about her problems :) See ya!!!!!!

Keep blogging!
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 4:32 PM

MenTal fUrbAll