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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

01 January 2006

sometimes there is just no other way :
It's still Sunday. Barely. I have the Mental Playlist going on later, keep reading. In the meantime it's nice to be having a go at another year. I can think about this all my life and never figure out why, but I'm usually better off alone. It seems all the fun of relationships clutters up my trajectory and I fall short of the mark, whatever mark it is I'm supposed to make. If there was a shot for loneliness I'd be in that line right now. I've got no problem with needles. I let them take blood, get my boosters, have tattoos and I even give blood when I find the place and have gone without a recent tattoo. You have to wait a year after one to give blood again. Go figure.

I'm o- BTW. Not quite the univeral donor but loved by half the blodtypes in the world, nonetheless. I'm tired tonight but I went giddy instead of mean. I decided to laugh at all the freaks calling in tonight, instead of getting mad. I got mad earlier and the woman pitched a fit. She was totally too busy talking and being self important to even LET me hlep her and then she got surly and about 2 seconds later hung up. Oh well. I almost got snittified, but I decided what the hell - she has no power over me. What do I care really, may she never get online. And it was suddemly easier to breathe and laughing seemed like such a GREAT idea. It's my New Years resolution - to Laugh MORE. I think I'm making it work. At this rate I could have serious laugh lines by May.

I am not going to give up the blog. I've noticed some people are packing it in. I'm not trying (too hard) to be charming, witty or insightful here. I'm just venting my brain so I can sleep at night. It's really cut down on my rabid insomnia, the kind that makes you pitch a fit in bed because you haven't slept a wink and there's like 5 minutes til the day starts wether you want it to or not. It's all in my head I believe, and whatever that monster is that keeps me awake, seems to be too tired to even come out from under the bed after some blogging.

I have ambitions for this year. I'm gonna be 35 and I'm gonna get 2 tattoos (at least) and I'm gonna snag me a good man. I might have to work my way through some bad boys first, but it's going to be fun because I NEED som fun and I can't be totally cut off because I become a stranger to myself and I forget how to talk in non instructional (and sometimes VERY condescending) tones. After all I do spend my days telling other people what to do and I sometimes I just wish there was someone here at the end of the day to tell me what to do. I'm all thought out by 10 pm and just want to have things done for me. Left to my own devices I fly into the easiest courses of action and inaction. Generally tv and whatever is already cooked and edible in the fridge. I'm good at finding the funny tho, so generally I get at least 3 good laughs and a couple fine snickers in a day. I've been gearing up for 1006 Year of The Laugh.

Other than the usual, I'm single and hating it resolve, I've decided to pitch being a heightist. I'm going to give the smokers a break too, tho still push for the quit, and I'm probably going to vote Green this time. Well if I can bring myself NOT to vote NDP. I'm a Manitoban Socialist at heart - 1970's sensibilities in full swing and a bleeding heart do gooders desire to help all the world. I don't stand a chance of seeing my party get elected, but I'm all for stopping the defacto, no one else bothered, vote from happening. Yea I am a History major and I am so referring to Hitler.

Back to the fun. The Mental Playlist.

Tunes making the grade to start the new year edition:
10) something's missing - john mayer trio
9) ice rain - dj tiesto
8) please, please, please, let me get what i want - the smiths
7) sway - michael bublé
6) space cowboy - jamiroquai
5) precious - depeche mode
4) when the night feels my song - bedouin soundclash
3) let go - frou frou
2) brother down - sam roberts
1) this year - chantal kreviazuk

This Year

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

This year, I'll paint my masterpiece
This year, I'll be recognized
I can feel like I'll fall in love for real
This year, this year

January, I'll learn to fly
February, love's gonna find me
March, April, May, I'll get carried away
Oh, oh...

This year, I'll reach the pinnacle
This year, I'll get to the top
People will ask where she get that energy
This year, I'm never gonna stop

January, I'll learn to fly
February, love's gonna find me
March, April, May, I'll get carried away
Oh, oh, oh, oh...

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

I'm gonna have fun
Just watch me now
This year
This year
This year

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:57 PM

MenTal fUrbAll