Today's Honoured Guest

my peeps The Boys

RaJ
Tayster
factory_peasant
Surfer Mitch

Scared Bunny
Jake
Hof

my peeps The Girls

Sass
Steff
Crystal

Lyvvie
Cate
OEN
--spared--

Rachel
bitchy

Pajiba
Dlisted
Janet Charlton
MPH
Go Fug Yourself

the pretty pictures

Tristan Roy
Owen Billcliffe
No Traces
Sam Javanrouh

the professionals blog

Radiohead
Matthew Good
Margaret Cho
Rick Mercer
Tony Pierce
Whil Wheaton
Waiter

shameless self promotion

About Me

Name: Ambrrrr

Location: Ontario, Canada

blue eyes, crooked teeth, intellectual, goofball, slacker, socialist.

View my complete profile

Stuff and Nonsense

MY POETRY

My influence
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I humbly appologise for any and all spelling mistakes I make while leaving comments on your blog :) You LOVE Me THIS much

What Came Before

2005.05 2005.06 2005.07 2005.08 2005.09 2005.10 2005.11 2005.12 2006.01 2006.02 2006.03 2006.04 2006.05 2006.06 2006.07 2006.08 2006.09 2006.10 2006.11 2006.12 2007.01 2007.02 2007.03 2007.04 2007.05 2007.06 2007.07 2007.08 2007.09 2007.10 2007.11 2007.12 2008.01 2008.02 2008.03 2008.04 2008.05 2008.07 2008.09 2008.10 2009.01 2010.01 2010.03 2010.05

From the ghost land of the easy life.

29 January 2006 how soon is now? : I have enough free time to really get into my own head. It also affords me time to ponder things I read like the news and my horoscopes. We all know I love freewillasrology.com, and every week it gives me something new to think about. It's nice to feel like someone gets you, and more than that, like there is work you can to do to better get yourself. Read it, see if I'm right or a fool. I do, still, read the daily horoscopes that I can get at work online. I wonder why they are so rarely right and I think it's because, even with the full sun sign breakdown and astral explainations - they aren't specifically for me. They are for the sign. Millions of people have this sign. Millions more will be celebrating the start of the yera od the DOG sunday. I'm a metal Dog. I did a whole post about that before, you can see it if you wanna. I love that I can have many facets ddepending on what you look at in my background. Let's face it people are complicated so all you can ever really sum up is a point in time. I'm going to get around to refining the blog a bit, going to change the honoured guest again. JC's stayed so long cuz he's so darned whimsical but I know it's time someone else stopped by and I did promise the guys a girl so I'm working on it. I got some new tea light holders and plan to crash early and head out early sot that I'm not harassed by the living of life around me as I try to avoid it on a Saturday morning. That's the real truth. I'm a night owl tho, one who needs 8 hours of sleep to feel fresh and less zombie-ish. The living dead thing comes from really having no social life and that's no ones' fault but my own. I am loathe to do much about it, so it's all on me. I'm working on that. I did my good deed for the day. I saw someone had dropped a whole sheet of bus tickets in the mall. So instead of being a selfish person I picked them up and gave them back. The person was stunned that she dropped them and that I was giving them back. I'm so enjoying benevollence whil I have it. On the otherhand I'm having a Cousin IT hair day. I just washed it and I put all this no frizz stuff in it and blow dried it a bit and it poofed up. I dropped into my face and is making me insane. I'm either Cousin IT with a short bob or that girl from the ring with a short bob. Either way I'm hair annoyed. ********************* So I got the annoying hair cut today, again. This hairdresser told me I couldn't have the cut I wanted because it would make my head deformed. Then she proceeded to give me what I asked for Kinda, but turned it into something reminiscent of Ricki Lakes' hair in Hairspray. God awful. I've washed it twice since I got home because it's fugly and she washed it with brunette enhancing shampoo so now my hair is brown. I'm going to go tomorrwo and have a giant bleach blode streak done across the bangs and sides. I'm going duo toned. So I can put some punk colours in my hair if I want. I'm so bored and it's all I can really change right now. Can't change my amazing bad luck with people. It seems people lie like breaathing. Sat there and listened to my married friend lie to my 21st friend about my playing Donkey Konga. I played until I won and then I stopped, it didn't take too long but my hands hurt from clapping and hitting and such fro over an hour. I guess this disappointed him and that became apparent with his remarks to my 21st friend while we were hanging out. It was kind of insulting because I had no problem with the game until he made those remarks. Now I'm not sure I'd play again because I may suck but at least I tried, no need to make out like I threw a fit and refused to even try. I digress. It's Metal Playlist night. 10)crucify - tori amos 9) i will survive - gloria gaynor 8) passive - a perfect circle 7) prescious - depeche mode 6) baila me - the gypsy kings 5) ordinary people - john legend 4) ready for love - india arie 3) we might as well be strangers - keane 2) i defy you - the offspring 1) better days - the goo goo dolls BETTER DAYS "Better Days" And you ask me what I want this year And I try to make this kind and clear Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings And desire and love and empty things Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days So take these words And sing out loud Cuz everyone is forgiven now Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again And it's someplace simple where we could live And something only you can give And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive And the one poor child that saved this world And there's 10 million more who probably could If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them So take these words And sing out loud Cuz everyone is forgiven now Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again I wish everyone was loved tonight And somehow stop this endless fight Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days So take these words And sing out loud Cuz everyone is forgiven now Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again KEEP BLOGGING. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 9:33 PM 0 Bright Shiny Things 27 January 2006 i used to carry the weight of the world : I think someone may have found my blog. It doesn't bother me that some of the Kids in the house may be reading this, what irks me is that if they are, I'd rather they come out and say it then try to casually work it into conversation. Now the truth about me is I'm flawed. I know it. I will talk about your flaws with venom, because they are things I hate about myself. I write here because I need an outlet for all the weirdness that sets up shop in my brain on a daily basis. I don't write this to offend anyone. I'm not always funny or happy. Infact a good part of what gets up here is my immediate perception of something, and it's usually negative - I'm all through the looking glass darkly. It has to do with the whole of my upbringing and experiences. I was always to blame, the outsider, the disliked and the whipping girl. It's a hard thing to throw off when a good chunk of those experiences came from people that are family, and who are still around bringing that stuff to the fore. Anyhow I did post yesterday. I did it on my OTHER blog. Wanna read it? Go here. Thank god for back ups because I've been sliding backwards into my internal bullshit these days and dragging people with me. Because I'm a perfectionist and a faker I can hide it, you don't always know it to look at me, but talk to me and it crawls out. I hear the ugly accusatory tones in my voice, I feel the acridity of bitterness, and I can almost see myself morph into something like that 'habit' in the ice mint nicorette commercials. It's an ugly feeling and it got so strong right now because I wallowed. I let myself get right in there and pity myself for all the rejections and barriers I've encountered. I took them on like pieces of armor and they dragged me down to the lowest level of my psyche where I'm mean and petty and judgmental 24/7. There is so much paranoia there and self hate. I get a lot of exercise jumping to conclusions, chasing down the ideas, building up the assumptions and tearing myself down. But it really is no fun. And, usually, in that place I get very spiteful towards others. It's true on my blog I've called people names, tho I don't use their real names at all. I call people names in real life too. Just the other day I called my friend a moron because he couldn't grasp that I was saying I was going to treat him and his wife to a lunch. I HATE moron, that word has so much negative power and yet I used it all the time on myself and occasionally it flies out of my mouth at others. He's forgiven me but I still feel bad about it. I am evil to others because I am evil to myself. It's true. If I put every last thought I had here it would be dark and gross and not really worth reading. It's my curse and I'm hoping y'all will work with me here to let me know that even evil, assuming, judgmental, name calling, funny, bitter, mean, happy, outgoing, learning and growing people can conquer their dark sides and be shiny happy too. It's really what I want and I thought a lot about it last night. While I was at work, out of the blue, I started to think how I had to cast off these robes of shame and degradation I've been wearing for so long. They cling and are dirty and obnoxious to me. They are breaking me down and crippling me, and the more I snuggle into them the less I am in the real world and the more I am in the past living the events that caused me to be who I am today. When I look at the world with those eyes it's an ugly mean place that wants to destroy me and I'm unable to do anything but let it. It's really depowering for me. I decided last night that that was so the wrong thing for me to be doing. I actually noticed the choices I was making and the thoughts slipping into my head triggering all this. SOME of it is caused by a lack of sleep, I get bogged down because the sensors in my brain don't bounce as well as they should and stuff I can normally weed out gets in and parties and it gets messy in the brainpan. It's the reason I alienate people. I know I do, but seriously IF I CONTROL MY PERCEPTION then I want a better world to live in. And I'm working at seeing it that way EVERYDAY. Honest I AM. HELP ME OUT OK? So this was much more eloquent in my head but I never write when my brain is swinging on the grooves of language because I have to go to bed and sleep before a die hard gamer gets up and starts living their life and disturbs this lighter than air sleeper. I used to sleep like a log and I wish I still could, now I sleep very lightly and any, ANY noise will wake me up and if it's constant enough it will keep me awake and that is something I can solve, I may have to run my fan tho, to make some white noise. I did get myself some excellent swag for being a good agent yesterday. Good enough to make my friend jealous. Hell It makes me jealous looking at it, that's the kind of swag the whole place should get but I know they don't, never seen anyone with this kind of cup. It's stainless steel with little finger grips so you can't burn your fingers on the hot stuff inside. Most excellent. On the side notes, the hot doctor decided that pissing me off and feeling the wrath of me - I get MAD and then move on. Was reason enough to lie to me again. He PROMISED to make it up to me and has since TOTALLY disappeared. Say it with me people - chicken! I'm going to play video games this weekend and I'm going to eat chicken wings and meet people and maybe go to yoga. I'm going to ask Kid J if she wants to come, because yoga is better with a friend. Keep your fingers crossed for me as I try to be a better me. Keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:18 AM 2 Bright Shiny Things 25 January 2006 goodnight and take care : The 'new' grocery store's here! The 'new' grocery store's here. And I guess there was a 7 am party this morning, that no one told me about, because the entire lot fo Kids in the house got up and made copious amounts of noise. Infact no one got the idea I was even here til I left, when (unfunnily enough) some dipshit locked me out. I always have my key because they are really annoying my ass these days. My most immediate roommate Kid E, cranked his stereo up and SANG ALONG at 9 am. I SO DIDN"T WANT TO BE AWAKE BEFORE 10! I have a plan this weekend to probably get my hair done with some big ass over bleached streaks that I can dye other colours. That way I can have orange, blue, purple or whatever colour I want streaks. I'm so not even remotely interested in what everyone is going to say because I'm surrounded by the idiot selfish and habitual liars. At this point in time I'm thinking if reality is a construct of the mind then this reality was created for me by the mind of my EX or my EVIL twin. Whatever the case it sucks ass and I want it to stop, LIKE , now. I've really got to wonder why being a nice person is such a crappy thing. People lie to me without even thinking about it. The act like I don't exist and when they do know I'm here they ignore me. I keep trying to be nice, to chat them up and all I get for it is ignored. It sucks. And I keep trying. And it keeps sucking. I need to take a nap, because life sucks. If it sucked anymore I'd be lost in the Bermuda Triangle with the entire cast of any reality tv show. It would make me a stark raving homicidal loon. So how are things with you? Stephen Harper is the new Prime Minister. Boo. Yea you know the WEST came out to vote with a vengence, now lets see if he gets anything done at all. I'd like to see that law appeals the stupidity ruling on student loans. There should be way more grants and the ability to NOT be forced into bankruptcy to pay them. I have my soap boxes and I'll stick to them until it's all moot. I'm feeling all run down and so HOPING the people take it easy on me tonight cuz I might cry, for lack of anything else to do. I've been saving it up. Mostly because it doesn't want to come out and play except when I'm in public and I'm so not looking for humiliations galore. I get them everytime I think my blog is going well. Like I hit 3030 visitors the other day and yet most of my fave bloggers don't read me, my blogroll hasn't generated reciprical links INFACT I've lost MORE. I'm bot even a blip on the radar in the blog world and my comments sections consists of mainly RaJ, who aside from being a family man ith a job, has taken on being my cheerleader and cheerleader for several others as well. Thank god for him or I'd be complaining about how all I do here is talk to myself. Keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:10 AM 0 Bright Shiny Things 23 January 2006 if you want me you can find me left of center off of the strip : I have no problems with recurring dreams. They usually have some deep meaning that I don't get the first time around, catch onto the second time and totally obliterate by taking them over and changing them to my whim after that. Lately I've been having this dream about a rather large Spiderman tattoo. Apparently I go to get this huge thing on my upper right arm, shoulder to elbow. It doesn't seem to matter that I already have a tattoo there, in the dream it doesn't exist at all and the artist is all excited to give me this giant tattoo of Spidey sitting on the side of a brick building. With the angle the windows on the building are smaller than normal, but they all have information in them. Stuff like my birthday and astrological signs and possibly my tax details, I don't recall. So I get this tattoo and I love it and then, for no real reason, I have it removed. It's removed fast, easily and painlessly. This is where the dream ends the first time. The second dream picks up with the removal of the tattoo and continues on. It's gone, but I can still see it. I want to get it again, just smaller than before. Since my arm is in like zero pain and doesn't need to heal at all, I'm all gung ho. Then some friend of mine, who I've never seen before, asks me why don't I wait to make sure I really want it. I already had it once, why do it again and get it removed again. It's not really a good idea, the person says, to keep doing the same thing again and again with the same results. And while this friend it talking I'm looking at my arm. I can still see the tattoo, it's faint, but it's part of me and I'm wondering why do I want to get it redone, I can see it and I like what I see and if I get it done again it won't be the same and I might like it even less. What if I can still see parts of the first one and that makes me dislike the revised version. Then I'm wondering why there are no scars from the removal, and why it didn't hurt to get rid of something I wanted so much and really loved. Then I woke up all conflicted and wondering why I'm dreaming about a tattoo that in reality I would never get. Yes I have tats. I have nothing remotely as large at that one was. In the dream I have a veritable Schwarzenegger arm, which is so NOT true. I have wee little arms compared to the muscly governator. What's bothering me is twofold. Why does it matter to me what my 'friend' says? It's common sense but nothing I haven't already considered myself. I'm nothing if not analytical, even in my dreams I've thought long and hard about it, and I already know what I want to do - though to everyone else it seems spur of the moment. The other troubling thing is why am I having such a dream? It's not literal, so if it's coded, what does the Spiderman on the bright orange brick wall, with my personal original information in the tilted windows, mean? What is my mind trying to tell me? Why must I keep dreaming this weird and film noir-ishly lit dream that seems to take place in both an underground area with torches and an office building during a blackout? Why am I the only girl in my dream? If I'm going to be given fashion advice, I'd prefer it from someone I know and someone who has a real idea about fashion - also known as someone not dressed like any hockey fan or skater boy around. It’s really bugging me that I’m having such a weird recurring dream. I’m not being hunted, which is what most of my recurring dreams were about when I was younger. I was always being hunted by someone trying to kill me. In schools, houses, shopping malls. I was the master of the next door, secret exit/room/hiding place. I never got caught and I never took control and stopped the hunter either. Then I had a shopping mall dream where I was being stalked in the mall that was several malls I’d been too all in one. I took control of that and it became me living in the mall in secret places and such, with a bunch of people I knew in college. I haven’t had one of those dreams since. It can be tiresome being pursued like that night after night – but that usually went on for only 2-3 nights a week then was gone for months or years. The weirdest dream I ever had was the one where I was married to Kevin Bacon and for whatever reason, his sister lived with us. His sister, who I never laid eyes on, hated me and was some kind of monster that tried to kill me on a regular basis. I knew she was watching me all the time and waiting for her chance so I never left the house and regularly had Kevin talk to her about not stalking me, because he needed a wife that could go out and get groceries and such. I hardly ever saw Kevin, I spent most of the dreams trying on clothes and looking through my parents’ basement that was magically attached to the trailer Kevin and I lived in. I didn’t do anything else, and I was always watched. I had this dream for years. Then it just stopped. So any ideas why I’m dreaming about giant Spiderman tattoos and having them removed and replaced over and again? Wanna take a stab at decoding what seems to be a dream I’ll be having again, possibly tonight – because I’m lost. I have no insights into this what so ever. I don’t know the people in the dream or any of the places. There is no danger, no emotions or any good lighting. It’s really got me wondering if I’ve run out of things to dream and am having someone else’s now. Do you think that can happen? Keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:20 AM 1 Bright Shiny Things 22 January 2006 say what you mean, mean what you say : I've been away on reccommendation of my sanity. All this living life was wearing me out and frankly I needed a break. Bet you did too. I spent Friday in very uncomfortable lingere waiting for someone who, as usual, didn't show up. I'm losing my mind on this. Really. AND all the 'helpful' people in my life keep saying well it's going to be so much easier for you to get a man for whatever - when you lose some weight. Yea and IF I hear that one more time I'm gonna kill somebody. I'm not an invalid and I'm in pretty good shape, even my doctor agrees. SO this weight thing is everyone else's hang up NOT mine and it's a stupid hang up. Let me tell ya. I don't even care what insight people may have into my perdicament because I'm done. I'm joining a nunnery. I saw Underworld Evolution. I hate to say it but either Len Wiseman was/is in Love with Scott Speedman, and he's hot so I get it, or his camera man and editing team were. I took the interview Friday morning and it went well I feel. I so don't remember what they asked me or what I said. I'm supposed to know tomorrow and it's creeping me out a bit. I don't want to hear the 'you give good interview but...' speech again. Too many kicks to the ego this week, I think I'd break down and need a rest in a home for a bit. Some person can get 50 bucks for putting me in the home around here, or so I'm told. So it's mental furball night again and I hope you enjoy it. 10) halo - depeche mode 9) idestructible - matthew good band 8) trip - hedley 7) ever the same - rob thomas 6) better together - jack johnson 5) when she believes - ben harper 4) your eyes open - keane 3) i'll take you on - howie day 2) the remedy - jason mraz 1) tear in your hand - tori amos "Tear In Your Hand" All the world just stopped now So you say you don't wanna stay together anymore Let me take a deep breath babe If you need me Me and Neil'll be hangin' out with the dream king Neil says hi By the way I don't believe you're leaving Cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream I think it's that girl And I think there're pieces of me you've never seen Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen well All the world is all I am The black of the blackest ocean And the tear in your hand All the world is dangin'... Dangling'...Danglin' for me darlin' You don't know the power that you have With that tear in your hand Tear in you hand Maybe I ain't used to maybes Smashing in a cold room Cutting my hands up every time I touch you Maybe maybe it's time to wave goodbye now Time to wave goodbye now Caught a ride with the moon I know I know you well Better than I Used to haze all clouded up My mind in the daze of why it could've never been So you say and I say You know you're full of wish And your "baby baby baby babies" I tell you there're pieces of me you've never seen Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen All the world is all I am The black of the blackest ocean And the tear in your hand All the world is dangin'... Dangling'...Danglin' for me darlin' You don't know the power that you have With that tear in your hand Tear in you hand With that tear in you hand Keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 9:50 PM 0 Bright Shiny Things 19 January 2006 i've never had this taste before : I went out the the Highlander today. Gee Amber, you may say, it would be a shock if you DIDN'T go out to the Highlander on your day off. Bite me I'd say. Cuz I LIKE to say Bite ME. I went because I knew that I could get a shot of 35 year old scotch there and I was right. 24 dollars later I know what 35 tastes like. It's actually great. Really smooth and sultry, with an nice smoky wood afterg;ow that lasts. It leaves a mark, but one you don't mind. It burns just enough to let you know it was there with 43% alcohol and it doesn't fade. It lingers with a whisper of memory that is warm and inviting. I think I'm going to LOVE 35 and what comes after it. I did not manage to find a new pair of house pants. The chair I have in my room ate that gorgeous red pair I had so I took it's arms off (that'll teach it). It was an interesting day for overheard bus conversations. I heard a couple of maybe 16 year olds talking. One was saying she's going to burn in hell because she has a life inside her that she doesn't want, doesn't want to keep, won't give up for adoption (I can't carry it for that long and just give it away)and won't sell (what kind of person are you? to her friend's suggestion). Then there were the obvious University students politely discussing the euthanisation of one's dog due to (debilitating I assume) pain, and then how cruel it is to keep dogs in the city if you don't have a back yard or at least a parking lot(?). I did see Liam Neeson again at the Highlander. I live in my own world so I think he likes me. I also think the waitress turned green with envy when I told her I had the scotch to see what 35 tastes like, because I just turned 35. I was pissed tho, before I went there I went to East Side Marios in the St Laurent Mall. I was ignored until this heavily made up girl came and stood with me then the 'hostess' asked her first what she wanted. The waiter was so annoying that I just ordered a drink and then left. The drink was a rootbeer, which East Side's is supposed to give free refills on and instead of brining me that 20 oz. one (that I wouldn't have finished anyways) he brings me a glass of ice and a warm can. If I was eating and needed another I would have paid double because of the can. After that I said fuck you. It's bad enough to go out alone to a restaurant but to be ignored and badly treated because of it is BAD for business. I won't go there again with or without other people, and I know lots of people to tell NOT to go there too. And some will listen :) I did promise Glo to post a poem that I wrote about sounds and such. I will later, at midnight so it's its own post. I'll probably post 2 just because the one I have thought of is only started by sound it doesn't have an entirety of it. Going to go listen to Tori Amos now. Keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 6:40 PM 1 Bright Shiny Things 18 January 2006 you say it's your birthday : I got a big ass cake and shared it with everyone around. My so called plans have gone to hell but I've got a few things going on that will make up for it. I applied and got an interview for a teamlead position at my office. I take the interview/test Friday morning. Friday afternoon I am taking myself to the movies to see Underworld Evolution and that night the hot dr I met is coming to town to take me out for a steak dinner and maybe I'll get lucky. It's good to dream. Today, as is wont for my birthday, the weather was EVIL and dastardly. We had ice rain over night and then it was topped off with copious amounts of rain, making the world of cake getting a super soaker wet and wild ride for those intrepid enough to venture out. I was out for the cake at 10 am and thankful I made it back here without need of any hip replacement surgery, but 10 to 11. It was annoying that the weather sucked, really off putting that my taxi driver du jour was deaf and irksome that everyone who wasn't wishing me a happy birthday, were asking me my age. Kid M (jokingly?) told me I was too old to drink tonight. I told him to bite me. I was having some tarantula with pepsi lime. I've got a bad stomache lately so I have to take my libations lightly because I can't afford to miss work and I want to enjoy my two days off. Sure I have laundry to do and I have things I should do and people to say, money to spend and such. I just wanna sleep in and race cars. I wish someone had gotten me a maid for my birthday. It's a nice thought. I was so ill feeling the other day I came home early fom work and went straight to bed. My stomache isn't much stronger yet and I don't know if I have a touch of the flu, even though I had my flu shot - but I think I ate something bad and it's lingering. I maybe subconsciously stressing about the job interview - because I really want the job, but I am wondering if I'm not kidding myself about being able to convince the people in charge I'm the ONE. I have been told repeatedly I give good interview and yet I never get the job and I'm worried I'm getting ahead of myself and getting my hopes up for something that might not happen. Always trying to be the realist, because it's sucky feeling cheated after you get all convinced something's gonna happen that doesn't. Yea cuz I don't convince myself a little, I go whole hog and set up shop in an alternate reality IF I let myself. So I try to stay balanced. Easier said than done. I owed it to you to drop by and say hello. I didn't die and everyone is well, full of cake and eagerly holding out hope for the next best thing. Keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:59 PM 1 Bright Shiny Things 17 January 2006 bring your chains your lips of tragedy and fall into my arms : I went for 'coffee' all alone. The musician is online but not talking to me. I hate dating. Men lie and lie and lie. It's obvious and true, that '6 foot' means short. 'Gorgeous' means my mama likes me and 'I want soemone who knows what she wants' means I'm afraid of girls and if you approach me I'll run away. Does no one mean what they say, says waht the mean and isn't the least bit bullshitting for the sake of having a laugh at my expense. Am I the only perosn who feels this way. I guess so since it's been cricket central here again. Oh well. So men as the tease - have any thoughts? Anyways I'm peeved. I ran off there to meet someone, who IF he showed up, was totally NOT as advertised. I don't lie. I tell the men I'm married, still, but am getting divorced. I say I'm plus sized, and I mean it too. I don't lie and I don't play that much. I do a little. There's this one guy I've got on the backburner that I haven't been able to meet up with and I'm sure he's thinking I'm a prize bitch. It seems my birthday party may be going down the drain so I can probably fit him in Thursday or Friday for a 'coffee'. If he's not written me off. Ah the karma of dating. I just want the fairtale ending I was promised when Disney and the card companies poisoned my brain with the movies Sleeping ABeauty and Cinderella and Valentines' Day. I have the sickness. I admit it. I need a program. Know any good ones? Hopeless Romantics need a 12 step too. I need someone to throw me in a bootcamp so I can lose weight and these useless romantic notions I have. I need Dr Phil to follow me around dispensing tough advice so I lose my rose coloured glasses about people and how they are. People lie, an awful lot, to me. I don't know what it is baout me that screams LIE to me. But right now. IF I had a superpower, it would be the ability to make someone lying to me explode. Yea, it'd be messy but it would be SO satisfying. Keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 12:19 AM 2 Bright Shiny Things 15 January 2006 going to california : Not much going on here. The weather is trying to freeze us all into Meat popsicles and everyone tonight at work was coolio. It's good that way because then you're not so mentally challenged from not flipping out on the mentally challenged, that you feel like your brain has been stomped like a bunch of grapes for wine. I maybe getting played here but I'm apparently really attractive these days. I'm all about the top ten, it's why I stopped by tonight, so here goes 10) vultures - john mayer trio 9) waiting for the night - depeche mode 8) get a room - the psychedelic furs 7) volcano girls - seether 6) everybody else's girl - tori amos 5) beautiful - james blunt 4) believer - chantal kreviazuk 3) let go - frou frou 2) i can't wait - stevie nicks 1) down by the water - pj harvey DOWN BY THE WATER I lost my heart under the bridge That little girl So much to me And now I moan, and now I holler She'll never know just what I found That blue-eyed girl she said no more And that blue-eyed girl became blue -eyed whore Down by the water I took her hand Just like my daughter See her again Oh, help me Jesus come through this storm I had to lose her to do her harm I heard her holler, I heard her moan My lovely daughter I took her home Little fish, big fish, swimming in the water Come back here, man, give me my daughter Little fish, big fish, swimming in the water Come back here, man, give me my daughter So I have a lot to do between tonight and tomorrow night. I need to have my head examined but I'm going to go meet another guy for 'coffee' and I'm planning this even as I'm speaking to a doctor who wants to meet me. I got popular all of a sudden with the men. It's a good feeling but I'm trying not to let it get to me. The promise of spending some time with a hot guy always does tho. Keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:06 PM 0 Bright Shiny Things 13 January 2006 i drove for miles and miles : If I know one thing I know that getting my hair cut takes hours. Literally. We know that I suffer from indecisiveness when it comes to choosing a movie or a cd. I don't have that problem when it comes to my hair. I dislike my thick, fine, stuck to everything hair. I know it works for catching the mens and all, but other than that flies to honey aspect I'd rather have it all off. So I gave in and decided to have my dead ends lopped off. I went over to the learning school in the mall across the street and let them have a whack at it. Now I'm not sure that it's possible for someone to have bad hair luck but I do . I have this improbabilty aura there that causes hair dressers of all ages and experiences to loose their ability to cut a straight line, follow directions and give a decent hair cut. I have a lot of issues with hair dressers. Mostly it's that I go in and I say I want an inch off, I want some layers on the sides and leave the back. And 3 or more inches later I don't have layers, I don't hve the back left and I so don't have an even haircut. After over an hour and a half today I had a haircut that was 1 inch longer on the left then on the right. Now the good thing is that I complained because I'm not blind with or without my glasses I knew the cut was crooked. Not a little I'm being picky crooked. A whol wahck of I must have tried to cut it myself crooked. Now to be fair I paid 20 bucks with tip for the cut, so I wasn't expecting much. But even after the salon teacher came over and fixed the problem it was still wrong. I had to cut more off tonight when I got home because there were visible chunks of 1/2 hanging out from under the rest. It sucks to be me needing a haircut. Most times the cut is longer on the left, I think it's because I have more hair on that side of my head and so it throws the stylist off. It's usually noticible to me only because I use my jawline as a measure and the stylist and most people judge by my ears and one is slightly lower. I'm an asymmertical bighead. Whatever there was no wayt I was gonna let this wanna be stylist tell me I was fine and my hair was even on both sides. A fact she tried to demonstrate by standing infront of the mirror and pulling my hair out to show me under my chin. Yea because my telescopic eyes are in the shop I couldn't see it and I just kept saying "It's crooked I don't like it." Aside from that I got my shopping groove on getting clothes and other necessities. I should be embarassed by the moeny I spent today but I am so NOT. I have so little fun. I got 'picked up' by the cab driver who brought me home from Loeb's tonight. He gave me a coupon for a free hour of pool at Dooly's for my birthday, because he said such a pretty girl shouldn't be at home all the time and bored. Yea it happens that way cuz I'm shameless, talk too much and to strangers and I know that musician just isn't that into me. He's making no effort and he's always on Lavalife so I'm thinking I'm just the backup entertainment. Which sucks because I'm the BIG act really. I'm not just the opener. The bench warmer. I guess it's closer to the game then the guys who won't give me a shot because anyone plus sized just doesn't exist. Give everyone a fair shake I think, but I know that attraction is key and there's the rub. Fun fun fun day. I did have fun even though, after all the speculation and proclamations to the contrary about my foot - the Dr's secretary called today to tell me the thing in my foot is a BRUISE. Apparently I can have a bruise for like 3 months and it can keep going on forever with no end in sight. My Dr doesn't feel the need to see me about it so I guess that is the get over it eventually rub. So I decided that I needed to stop babying the foot and take a good hard look at it. Yes it's a distinct bump that swells and bulges, aches and throbs and turns from regular foot colour to deep purple when most annoying. But, maybe it's just a bump. Maybe I've got a slow healing deep internal wound that will be a memeory by April but now is keeping me from having fun and being the sprite I should be. So I went out and pounded the pavement in earnest today. I was out 8 hours and I'm thinking I may go out early tomorrow too, I still have to order my birthday cake. I think I want chocolate with red icing and white writing. Think they will do that at Loblaws? Kepp blogging babies. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:49 PM 0 Bright Shiny Things 11 January 2006 one more for the lovers : RaJ did it and asked where mine was so I'm doing it too. I woulda done it first but I've been not reading blogs as much as I should. I did manage to get that musician interested again tho. He may now have a sex sprain but it's not my fault, I never touched him :) Four jobs you’ve had in your life: * babysitter/nanny * video store clerk * telephone tax specialist * waitress Four movies you could watch over and over again: * The Replacements * Deep Rising * Underworld * Ocean's Eleven Four places you’ve lived: * Gillam * Ashern * Winnipeg * Ottawa Four TV shows you love to watch: * X-Files * Grey's Anatomy * NCIS * CSI Four places you’ve been on vacation: * Daytona Beach * Calgary * Niagara Falls * Thompson Four websites you visit daily: * Waiterrant * yahoo.com/astrology * My blogroll * DListed Four of your favorite foods: * steak and mushrooms * chicken wings * french fries * chocolate croissants Four places you’d rather be: * New Zealand * Spain * Ireland * Ibiza Four albums you can’t live without: * Underdogs - Matthew Good Band * Arena - Duran Duran * Rock A Little - Stevie Nicks * Should God Forget - The Psychedelic Furs Most of these are far too small a sample of what I like and actually do watch/can't live without. Keep Blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:55 AM 0 Bright Shiny Things 09 January 2006 i wanted to know you : First thought. How many of you commenter would like to see me reply to your comment in the a) next post or b) in the comments? Just wondering. We all know what I do now is either a or I go to you blog and comment, usually not about your comment, but I return the favour. I was off to see the wizard. Or at least the ultra sound technician. To start the day off right I was putting on brown paper slippers to go in the no boots office, and several people followed my lead (I'm such a trend setter) after one on looker asked me WHY I was putting on the little paper slippers. It just proves my NOBODY reads theory. The Tech I saw was very worried she was hurting me. I took ibuprofen before going, I've got quite a dependency now that the glass is being honry - so I didn't feel a thing. I don't appreciate that poor thing look of abject horror when people feel like you should be in A LOT of pain and you aren't. I just don't feel pain that way. Maybe I was brainwashed of it I don't know, but it has to be pretty bad to make me say it's painful; otherwise it receives only the bugging me status. So the official reading on the glass is its 2.9 centimeters. I read it on the ultrasound myself since I sat up cross-legged for the proceedings. It was nice. The poor tech was having palpitations fearing she was causing pain and went to check after taking to 'scans' to see if it was necessary to take more. So I have over an inch of glass in there. I'm hoping the operation comes sooner than a week plus from now, but the closer we get to the birthday party, the more I'm convinced I will be getting the glass out after it. We'll see. I played video games all afternoon, cursing and swearing. I gave thrashing the controllers up for Lent a few years ago, but I use to have definite game rage. My 21st friend says she will sell me her Xbox so then I could play it all the time. Now that Kid M is talking about moving out to live with his g-f, there maybe a need. I'd not have any reason to get one all for myself, but to share it with the house is a whole other story. I also did laundry. The gaming is over but the laundry is soon to be finished. It has another hour to go. Everyone is making dinner and hanging out but I came up here to finish the blog and say it's been a slice today. I'm off to be quiet and have no fun, as I am a dull girl. Keep blogging. (spell check is a beautiful thing I blame it on the contact lenses) ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:21 AM 2 Bright Shiny Things 08 January 2006 we be burning : I'm so tired just thinking about all I have to do tomorrow I can't imagine how I'd fit someone else in, but I want to he's just ignoring me now - oh well. I get the foot ultra sound tomorrow am, early and I already don't wanna get up. Eeek. And then again I really want to get it outta my foot so I will go, I'm mean to myself that way :) It's time, yet again, for the random music that lives in my head to hit the blog as a a top ten. No surprises really. It's all the same music all the time. Top Ten: 10) god intentions - toad the wet sprocket 9) we be burning - sean paul 8) songbird - eva cassidy 7) my boo - alicia keys and usher 6) apparitions - matthew good band 5) hard road - sam roberts 4) idioteque - radiohead 3) someday - nickleback 2) if i had a boat - lyle lovett 1) something's missing - john mayer trio I'm not alone, I wish I was 'cause than I'd know, I'm down because… I couldn't find, a friend around to love me like, they do right now they do right now….. And all is well, I can't complain well okay, I guess I could I got my place, I got my name I chase my tail, all the same and I cant think about what's keepin' me down Something's missing, and I don't know how to fix it Something's missing, and I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is I don't know…. And it all comes, it doesn't last It just walks in, with a bad you lash And you never know, when it starts until this fog inside the glass around your summer heart Can't put my finger on what's keeping me down Something's missing, and I don't know how to fix it Something's missing and I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is I can't be sure that this state of mine, is not of my own desire I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness, for loneliness like this Something's missing, and I don't know how to fix it Something's missing, and I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is Friends check, Money check good times check, guitar check all check, all of you, check everyone, check havin' fun And I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is at all…. Oh yea I finally SAW Carpool guy today. He was all happy and nicely insisted I keep 20 bucks so I only paid him 30 for the bed. It was a nice thing from someone usually so crusty, I guess I'm crustified enough for everyone these days :) ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:25 PM 1 Bright Shiny Things 07 January 2006 are we middle class gangsters : I'm kinda perpetually tired these days. My body is trying to fight off a head cold but then my sinus allergies are on high mucous, so I'm feeling all persian up the nose right now and I don't know when it will ever end. It's the only thing I detest about winter, there is no use in opening the windows because the heat is gonna dry out the sinuses anyways and make all of this worse. What I wouldn't give for a nice warm breeze. I'm wishing it was March, but I'll get over it as it's just 11 days to my birthday and I'll be having cake. I haven't officially arranged the party for my birthday. I don't think anyone else is either, but I have a friend (21st) or 2 this year who have birthdays around the same time so we're trying to coordinate days off and have a joint party, that way it's more like we're celebrating with each other and throwing the party for the other. A little less pathetic that way. I made a brand new set of best friends yesterday. We were at lunch and my 21st friend is daring these guys to guess my age. For whatever reason they decided that I was only 16. 16 with 19 years experience soon, but hey it was funny. So my 21st friend is all like she's the youngest old person you’re ever gonna meet. It was funny. It maybe a 'had to be there' moment but I thought I'd share it anyways. As for the manhunt, I'm working on a musician, we'll see how that goes. I'm all for the pick up, but I do have a private method for choosing guys and I never juggle them. It's all about me here and it could have them losing interest but I don't care; there are a lot of horn dogs to choose from so I can take my time. There's one thing I've learned over the years - there is no such thing as no one to date/mate with. Carpool guy is being such a bitch these days. He won't come and get his money and I know if I spend a penny he'll be there going where is it. I need sandwich meat because the fridge here sucks and it doesn't last at all in there. I'm all in for the pick up the necessities but I'd need to travel to get the meat and there comes in the spending of his money. Bus tickets aren't cheap. He doesn't seem to care and all so I should just go ahead and spend it and pay him Thursday. I just wish he'd stop being such a baby and just come take the money. I'm screwing up my ankle enough these days walking to and from work and all; I don't need to spend 40 minutes looking for his deranged ass in the call centre. I do have one serious (sorta) fashion question. Does anyone know why there is a trend to buy really long boots and then roll your pants up, or just wear clamdiggers or summer pants, with them to show off most of the boot? I think it looks stupid. I love long boots, I can't wear them as I have large calves but hey I know they are great in the winter and if you have to walk anywhere through any kind of snow they are fabulously dry. It just looks stupid to have you pants rolled, cuffed, cropped or cut off at the top the long boots, in the middle of wintertime. Most of the girls wearing this look are also sporting mini jackets and shaking uncontrollably on the mildest of days. I think Carmen Electra and anyone else who were ever photographed wearing this look need to make a public apology and beg these idiots to dress properly for the season instead of LA style. Does LA ever get subzero temps and snow? Yea yea I know not a little ray of sunshine but I'm trying. Wish me luck my pretties and keep blogging. ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:25 AM 2 Bright Shiny Things 06 January 2006 blame it on the RaJ : You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three. Captain Jack Sparrow 88% Neo, the "One" 83% James Bond, Agent 007 75% Batman, the Dark Knight 75% William Wallace 71% Maximus 71% The Terminator 71% Lara Croft 67% El Zorro 67% The Amazing Spider-Man 58% Indiana Jones 58% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

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