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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

13 November 2005

i should be hoping but I can't stop thinking :
Been MIA. Sorry. Kinda been trying to find my way round the massive accumulation of the lives I've led. Through the only bowling trophy I ever got, my science fair award, report cards, reports, old journals, old day planners, old work stuff I didn't need then and should never need again. My mom ws here today. She came to fill out the paper work to help me get that apartment I can't afford but have begun to hallucinate about decorating. She took home bags of stuff I don't want to move with me. It was kinda fun loading her up. She usually does that to me when I leave her place :)

I can now circum-navigate the apartment without jumping any hurdles or hurting myself while causing an avalanche. I have so much crap tho and I'm having a hard time parting with it. My foot is doing great. Some of those silver healing elastoplast bandages, the occasional peroxide bath for cleaning and the general not being shoe bound is doing wonders for it. To give it a taste of the week to come I walked up the street and back today to get lunch/dinner/lunch for tomorrow. I'm going to be dreading the whole 4 days vacay for work thing until I know I can get where I need to and never miss the bus. I so don't want to get stranded anywhere. That would beyond suck. Yesterday for fun I did laundry and pawned of a couple more boxes of stuff on Y. I'm making her life very easy because whatever she doesnn't want she gives to her friends and now she has a stock of perfectly good presents to give.

I'm thinking this will all end up with me living in a room somewhere missing all my stuff while it sits in storage and that's sad but it may be the immediate future for me. That and that evil student loan woman is calling leaving messages again, and insinuating that I am NOT calling her back on purpose. But I DID call her back and I told her that she needs to talk to my TRUSTEE. So I called her back again and told her AGAIN to call my TRUSTEE. I know in a couple weeks she'll just call again. Soon my phone will be disconnected so that'll fix her for a little while anyways.

I've been thinking a lot about how apartment sounds alot like apart - meant to be that way. I'm not so much wanting to be apart. I want to be together. I want to hang, chat and in all myvisions of my near future I see myself sitting alone on a parquet floor trying to entertain myself. I may go mental and refuse to go to work anymore and have to be hauled out of the nearest closet (perhaps that really big walk in one but I can't hold my breathe I've seen the application) and strapped into a wraparound shirt. Well it would be a whole new way of life that.

I think at most times one is pretty much insane. You only get certifiable when you stop being able to resist the urges to do the wack things that cross your mind. At least it's my POV on the sanity issue. I talked with my manager yesterday and he says I'm doing just fine and it's all good. It was made clear that cutting people off and pushing them around on the phone is ok if you appologise and if it makes your calls shorter. It's nice to have goals right? Now if only there wasn't a ile of script that we have to say on each call, 2 minutes less right there if we never had to say that.

Scattered much? Well yes I am and I still have to do the Mental Playlist :-)

10) rock a little (go ahead lily) - stevie nicks
9) black horse and the cherry tree - kt tunstall
8) because of you - kelly clarkson
7) broken - seether featuring amy lee
6) the show must go on - queen
5) this woman's work - kate bush
4) down by the water - pj harvey
3) it's a good life if you don't weaken - the tragically hip
2) doesn't remind me - audioslave
1) anger as beauty - hawksley workman


Gather at the church
Say a quiet prayer
Hold each other's hands
Praying that you might be there

In honesty and peace
With the whispers of your god
Falling on your ears
Falling on Your ears

This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty.
This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty...

Melt your silver down
Kiss your lover's face
The sirens start to sound
And you're caught up in the only place
Where the honesty of fear
Makes a battle like a song
Falling on your ears
Falling on Your ears

This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty.
This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty...

Fighter soul alive
In a whiskey fueled rage
The tears burn in your eyes
The saddest of the souls to save
Sings lovely in its fear
With a voice that's Broken/strong
Falling on your ears
Falling on your ears

This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty.
This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty...

Lover don't you wait
Lover you'll be safe
Strangest quiet in the streets
Fighters for the love dug deep
They're under paved ports
Gently lifting up a song
Falling on your ears
Falling on your ears

This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty.
This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty...
This is anger as beauty, anger as beauty...

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 6:17 PM

MenTal fUrbAll