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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

03 October 2005

you know i'm not dead i'm just the tears inside your head :
The beauty of this world is that there is always a way. I've been up for hours and done nothing much. I'll go to work soon and then come home, go to sleep get up tomorrow and do the same again. I know it's not a wasted life and it's not wasted time. I'm keeping my house clean, money in the bank and sanity close at hand. I've got things to keep me busy and plans to make and things to do. I've got friends, even if they do occassionally make plans and then ditch me. I've looked around and found a whole bunch of similarily reaching hands that want to help, heal and befriend. Now if only they can overcome my sudden and inexplicable inabilty to type coherently. Can't have everything I guess.

I'll be looking for another job for the rest of my life. No matter how many times my mind tricks me into thinking I hear the phone ring, it hasn't rung yet. Still hoping for myself that it will. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for mt best friend from college and her new search for a place to live with her family. Landlords are really some of the weirdest people and they don't really seem as interested in their tenants and holdings as they should be. Slaves to the almighty buck. What would life be like if that wasn't the case? If there was no such thing as class, hierarchy, status and symbols there of. What if life was really just there for the living and at the very end of there really was nothing more to it then what you experienced? Nothing hanging in or making uneven any balance. It's an interesting thinking point.

Anyways this is what a large cup of orange and spice black tea does to this girl. Makes me listen to XTC's Making Plans For Nigel and Dear God and wonder things like what if moral codes are relative and mutable depending on what you want at the time. Of course I could just be rationalising for the sake of not cleaning the bathroom. I do have a really important question though. Why is it that red headed men tend to wear a lot of green? I maybe-sorta-mighta dated this guy years ago who was a Nigel (really that's his name) and he had carrot red hair, he wore something green everyday. Infact some days he was dressed from head to toe in it, and he was red green colour blind. Now there's the redhead at work on my team who dresses in christmas colours. He's an auburn haired man always in shdes of green too, often with 2 shirts on, one green and one red. I'm specifically wondering if there's a dress code rule for men that says when wearing greens blend with red because, aside from it being a habit of many redheads I've known (men and women alike), it does seem that men do take more often to wearing red and green in tandim regardless of festivities.

Oh and I do have this thing for readheaded men, not just because I'm a strawberry blonde either. My first love was a strawberry blonde. My first crush a redhead and I'm still a little hooked on the colour I guess. I've dated all sorts and not a readhead in there since the first though. Blondes, brunettes, balds, greys. I'm an eye girl - I notice a lot. It's the eyes always, they're the things that capture my attention first. I know it's because I judge someone on whether or not they look me in the eye while I'm talking to them. I'm one of those steady gaze girls. I was told growing up it's polite to look people in the eye when they talk to you/you talk to them - so they know you're listening. It's my most continuous habit and it is THE number one reason people tell me I'm intense and scary. I find people with something to hide or worry about don't hold my gaze and feel I'm staring them down just by looking them in the eye. I guess I'm mean because even though I now know it makes people uneasy I still do it. At least I'm paying attention to them, truth is if I don't do it my mind wanders and my hearing turns off. So now you know a secret to me :)

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 3:19 PM

MenTal fUrbAll