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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

16 September 2005

it's hard to even want to try :
Dear esteemed readers I am, according to all, an idiot. A big ass fool at least, to take part time work and sanity as my ideals. I am being maligned by coworkers as feeble minded and at best overly hasty for not waiting to hear about the incentives for outbound, the hours or the training. Excuse me, but do we work for the same place, cuz I'd swear we do and that place is full of shit.

Anyways I am not overly optimistic. I am just here, in the void, my absence of everything-I-thought-was-important. Here I am realizing that I don't need the fulltime work to get by. I have rent geared to income which, right now, allows me to live comfortably with the fluctuation. I may be filled with the evil firey glee of telling management what to do, but I feel in control of things right now too. And all the nay saying head shakers aren't deterring me from the feeling of power I have. Step one, take action. Step two, take charge.

So I'm wondering if I'll have a grand plan for self employment come to me in the next while, or just another part time opportunity that I can use to bolster my life with. I'm feeling good right now, hoping it lasts. I'm probably going to have fucked up dreams tonight cuz I watched Threshold. Seriously fun stuff there, I like. Ok so they have the whiny freshman from Felicity pretending he's some ubergeek scientist, but I can live with that. It's cool, my new Friday fave. Props to Carla G and Brent Spiner- the always cool. BTW welcome to Friday, since I firmly believed it was Thursday all day long (NO CSI last night did NOT sway me from this idea) I was happy to find out at about 7PM that it was Friday and I have only one more day of sales BS to contend with. Yeeha!!!!!!!

I'd like to say sales is my calling, I can sell people stuff because I'm a people person and a nice person and I know stuff about stuff, but as far as aggressive sales and the extra hutzpah you need to be a top notch raker in of the cash - I don't have it. I don't wanna have it and I consider the pursuit of it meaningless, futile and counterproductive. It's just me tho, I don't want it. I was born without tact and a need to compete. Oh sure I really need to get a need to compete, it would double my drive and determination and my desire to get things done would only get better with that. Thing is, I'm not so much caring about all the things the world told me I need right now. I'm suddenly really wondering what it is I really do need.

Right now I need sleep. And Lyvvie, so sorry it took so long to answer you - za is short for Pizza :)

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:29 PM

MenTal fUrbAll