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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

09 September 2005

i close my eyes and i'm dreaming right where i belong :
Aside from quitting outright I can opt to try to switch campaigns so that, while I'm still doing outbound, I'm not doing sales. In the other campaign I'd be harassing people for a car company, to set up and review their required maintenance appointments for their vehicles. It's only 36 hours a week and would require a work week of 6 days. If I wanted an extra day off I'd have to pay thirty to fifty percent of my benefits and I'd probably be less than trilled with the financial aspects of it. It would give me a chance to look for and get another job because I'd be working mostly evenings. It would give me all Saturday night to myself and Sunday, of course. I'd be paid for all holidays but not have to work them - because the campaign doesn't dial holidays.

I'm seriously considering anything that leaves me with a job and lets me feel like I'm not the devil incarnate. I don't want to develope a thick skin about the spite people pour on me as a telemarketer. I hate them too, and it's just awful I've been reduced to this. I need to just get over myself, have a yard sale and take the fuck off for the nearest city and try to get a job there. I'm gonna make it but I'm not sure if my heart can take the excitement. I also know my stubborn streak would prefer I sit here and rot then take a huge risk like that. In the end I'm a slave to the guarantee. Guaranteed paycheque, place to stay, food, job - I've become a settler and it ain't pretty.

I've not given up on Montreal. Infact I'm still rabid about it, even if I never get a job there I'd wanna hang and see if I can pick up the language. Chile has cooled down about her offer tho. Now she's saying come for a visit, not move there with me. Whatever. I know she wants me to go because she's going to be alone in the city while her man is on the road. She also doesn't want me to go beacuse she wants to be alone with her man when he is home.

In my dreams lately, there are no more costume parties. Now they're all dreams where I'm running from something. I'm a wee bit tired from being constantly pursued. In all my dreams too, there's a group of us being pursued for a variety of reasons from feeding a neighbours cat (gross use of force by the SWAT team) to crashing someone else's prom type workplace, where we made slaes our way but got caught. Yea I've got issues.

Pt, who gets her car today, is constantly telling me not to be a quitter. Which pisses me off, she's like 10 years younger and doesn't have a handle on the enjoy your job thing. She doesn't seem to get the idea that I've gone through a stream of less then great jobs and right about now the job of bodily waste cleaner at the general hospital is the most interesting job I've heard of. I'm a desperate employee.

I'm off to get interested in lunch, that thing that gives me a reason to get throught the first 4 hours of work. Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 9:24 AM

MenTal fUrbAll