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From the ghost land of the easy life.

06 August 2005

sometimes to be near you is to be unable to feel you :

You all should know by now I read my horoscope at the Free Will Astrology website. Rob Brezsny says this:.

If I ever produce a self-help manual called The Reverse Psychology of Getting Everything You Want, it will discuss the following paradoxes:
a. People are more willing to accommodate your longings if you’re not greedy or grasping.
b. A good way to achieve your desires is to cultivate the feeling that you’ve already achieved them.
c. Whatever you’re longing for has been changed by your pursuit of it. It’s not the same as it was when you felt the first pangs of desire. In order to make it yours, then, you will have to modify your ideas about it.
d. Be careful what you wish for because if your wish does materialize it will require you to change in ways you didn’t foresee.

Write the following on a piece of red paper and keep it under your pillow. "I, [put your name here], do solemnly swear on this day [put date here] that I will devote myself for a period of seven days to learning my most important desire. No other thought will be more uppermost in my mind. No other concern will divert me from tracking down every clue that might assist me in my drive to ascertain the one experience in this world that deserves my brilliant passion above all others."

So after putting this into my head this morning this is what happened today:

I went swimming. I haven't swam in years. I'll be feeling it tomrrow, but right now I'm trying hard to entertain myself so I can stay awake late and therefore maintain my habit of being tired enough to go to bed early on Sunday night.

I got this offer today. One I'm not being quick to refuse. This girl, I barely know which is good because strangers are easier to live with then friends I find, wants me to be her roommate in like October. She has a huge apartment close to work and the palce has a pool and she has a truck so moving would be a breeze. My reservations are few but huge. Reservation 1 - If we become friends between now and then we may not be able to live together long. Also I like living alone, being responsible to no one and not having to share anything are SSSSSSSSOOOOO nice perks of my current lifestyle. For some reason I've always had a horrible time of living with my friends, it always destroys our friendship, but living with strangers has always provided me with more friends afterward.

Reservation 2 - She smokes. Besides my athsma and allergies, I have this total disgust for smokers that I can't explain. The rent would be cheaper, I'd be closer to work, access to transportation and pets (dog and cat) a large room and someone around to do things with/meet people through. But she smokes and so do almost all of her freinds. I'm not sure I want another run of lung infections like I had with my last smoker roommate. I'm all of the idea that if I don't mention it it will go away. But I'm also thinking about it because I'm cheap and I'm in need of a social circle, even if it would be someone else's and therefore borrowed. This is still months off though, so I have time to really get myself into a precarious position.

I'm not looking to sign up for second hand smoke cancer either and she has no intentions of quitting. I asked. She does, however, want me to be her gym buddy - good for me I was looking for a gym buddy, and is already busy giving me the hard sell. For instance, the idea was only brought up today but I have already been given the full tour, met her pets, heard all about her previous roommates, met her parents and siblings and received the engraved 'be my rommie' invitation. Err but I'm like sickened by your smoking habit. Even put bluntly it didn't make a dent in her bravado. I have become the Chosen One. She who will be Canada's Next Top Roommate!

Because of all this fun and excitement and eating of barbequed food at ribfest - I was unable to get to Brezsny's to do list seriously. I have my work set out for me. In the meantime I was wondering if it's bad karma that one of the rays of sunshine in my life is that my EX says I ruined him for other women, he can never trust or love again. I know it's bullshit because he's a liar but I don't feel one ounce or even whiff of guilt when he trots that statement out. Oh no. I feel heaps of satisfaction that he means it when he says it. That it doesn't even bother me that it's meant to hurt me and all, I want him to tell me that for the rest of my life. Is it wrong? I am worshipping the false as god? Will I be reincarnated as a slug for this? Should I just shut up : P

Keep blogging.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:28 PM

MenTal fUrbAll