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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

03 July 2005

this is me, kicking your ass :
Walking to work today, on a perfectly serviceable sunny day replete with breezes and such and quite enjoying myself I realised something. Time is ticking away. Life is passing me by.

I see life as this little thing that got away from me once and it has snowballed into this giant out of control thing I can't get my head nor hands around. I'm stuck in a relationship with time that is not unlike the one that Indian Jones found himself in after inadequately weighting the pedestal after snatching the golden idol. Only in my life the booby trap known as life repeatedly crushes me. Sisyphus has nothing on me.

I'm saddened to find that all those 'old' people who told me that time only goes by faster the older you get were right. I swear I was just sitting there thinking how 6 minutes felt more like 17 years and then I blink and that moment happened a week ago. I start wondering if maybe I've lapsed into a deep depression and have started lapsing into fugue states. That I can remember what I’ve done for all the time passed pretty much rules this out. I'm so not liking the new speedier version of life I'm living. How can time fly by so fast when I don't really enjoy my job? How can the hours just disappear in the tilt of my smile?

I can see Time now, that uppity punk on a skateboard zooming by and in the blink of an eye, stealing another 24 hours. I didn't used to see Time at all, now I see Time everywhere. Sweeping up the remnants of some one's youth, my June, your nightmare. Time likes to walk around with me and tell those long winded "remember the time..." stories. I can't always do so anymore and Time rejoices in this, rubbing its hands gleefully and sneering, "I told you so." Time sits with me and wheedles on about how fun things used to be. Fuck off I say.

Time's been kicking my ass since time immemorial. Time doesn't give a shit about me in any real sense - I'm just a clock-watcher and so more aware of it. That's the rub. If I had some happening things going on I'd be so not having any time for Time. As I sit here and write there is a FREE STUFF extravaganza going on down the street. Someone's moving out. Time was I'd be there picking through everything looking for trinkets. I should go grab up what I can of the furniture but I can't bring it back here by myself. There are no comfy chairs/decent couches though. I already looked.

I'm in no hurry for yard sale shopping. I'm in no hurry at all. Which, you see Time, is how I'm kicking your ass.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:58 PM

MenTal fUrbAll