<!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(https://www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d13240712\x26blogName\x3dMenTal+fUrbAll\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://amber7211.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://amber7211.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d7038441246555938682', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script> Today's Honoured Guest

my peeps The Boys

RaJ
Tayster
factory_peasant
Surfer Mitch

Scared Bunny
Jake
Hof

my peeps The Girls

Sass
Steff
Crystal

Lyvvie
Cate
OEN
--spared--

Rachel
bitchy

Pajiba
Dlisted
Janet Charlton
MPH
Go Fug Yourself

the pretty pictures

Tristan Roy
Owen Billcliffe
No Traces
Sam Javanrouh

the professionals blog

Radiohead
Matthew Good
Margaret Cho
Rick Mercer
Tony Pierce
Whil Wheaton
Waiter

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blue eyes, crooked teeth, intellectual, goofball, slacker, socialist.


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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

13 July 2005

I love to feel the rain in the summertime :
Hello all. Nice to see you, you're looking well :)

We had lightening storms last night and most of this morning so I was kept offline out of fear of frying my only connection the my new social circle :)

What did I do?

I thought of course.

I thought perhaps the people upstairs (there appears to be at least 3 of them living in that bachelor) could be running a meth lab, that would explain all the noise every hour of the day and night. Today the meth lab sounds like a nursery school so maybe I'm wrong somewhere. All I want is no banging on the floor between 6 am and 10 am ok? Pretty please. I may have to write a letter ...

I thought about how I was in my relationship with my ex. Mostly because I've got this little work social circle of guys right now, and it's all them talking about girls and how hot/not hot they are, or how they believe in open relationships (at 23), how they have issues, what said issues are and about lying. Guys seem to hate it too. Go figure?

I realized a couple of days back that I was committing the cardinal sin of relationships in my marriage. I was trying to change my man. The reality was he totally faked me out, had me convinced he was this uber great guy who was honest and caring and wouldn't hurt a fly. After the I do's things changed a lot and I was forever hearing how I knew what I was getting into when we got married and I was just a selfish harpy trying to make him change. I denied it at the time but he was right. I was trying to change him.

I wanted to change him back into the man I thought he was when we were going out. The man he pretended to be was the man I loved and missed and wanted back so much I was willing to go through whatever because I was sure he was there, somewhere. It was a mirage and I almost died in that desert, but I'm getting healthy now. Thank you for reading this, I know I talk about it a lot. I'm trying to learn from it so I don't do it again. A repeat mistake could land with me with a real bad ass that would kill me. I like living thank you very much.

Oh depressing, blame it on the rain.

I thought about rain songs too. Songs that have rain in the title or lyrics are:

blame it on the rain - milli vanilli
rain in the summer time - the alarm
i wish it would rain down - phil collins
let it rain - amanda marshall
rain - madonna
i can't stand the rain - tina turner
rainy days and sundays - i don't know the carpenters maybe
raindrops keep falling on my head - manic street preachers
why does it always rain on me - travis
november rain - guns 'n' roses
purple rain - prince
i made it through the rain - barry manilow
who'll stop the rain - creedence clearwater revival
red rain - peter gabriel
here comes the rain again - the eurythmics
prayers for rain - the cure

ok I've gone on a bit here, sorry. It was fun trying to think of all these tho, trying to keep the Alzheimer’s at bay.

I went to work for 6 hours and wondered if anyone would comment on my blog. I've been wondering all day about which gym in town to join. I'm sooo very close to the Y but the place that is less crowded and offers my employers employees a discount is farther away over a large non side walked hill. I have to find out if there's an alternate route there. With that done I'll make a commitment to bettering my health. I need to exercise more, I'm hating this couch potato lifestyle - mostly because it doesn't alleviate my total boredom. Sad when you miss your ex, crazy ex (read Scared Bunny the link on the left for more of this) - because at least it wasn't dull. Oh I'm messed up I think :) really I'm just bored/tired of the cyclacality of my life where I end up alone and wondering how to find a really honest and good man.

Being single in a small town sucks if you're not a major drug addict or slut. Trust me on this :) Clean living is overrated and BTW Rob Lowe I'll buy your car for a dollar, maybe then I can get to where people with similar interests to mine reside.


Also I'd like to appologise, I temporarily lost all ability to spell or spell check yesterday morning and left a few rather un-writerly comments. I also appologise to everyone I spoke to Monday, funnily enough I forgot how to speak English all together that day and since it's the only language I know how to speak well - everyone was confused :) I lead an occasionally hilarious existence, not portrayed by this entry.

Cate - thank you very much :0)
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 2:47 PM

MenTal fUrbAll