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What Came Before

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From the ghost land of the easy life.

22 June 2005

ranting, raving and the rules of music ownership :
I ran into this girl I used to know yesterday and it pissed me off for about 4 hours. Why? We first met over ten years ago, and even though I’m desperate for friends right now, I’d rather put my foot in a meat grinder and grind it off myself than be friends with her again. She was, and it turns out, still is the most selfish self-centered person. Back in the day I lost a good many friends because she decided to tell everyone horrible things about me as payback for me spreading rumours about her behind her back. She later found out it wasn’t me spreading said rumours and her solution to all the strife she had caused? Just pretend it didn’t happen. If she apologized I’d say thank you but I still wouldn’t be her friend. Running into her was like a blast from the past – even though she doesn’t look the same.

See the funny thing is I still look pretty much the same. Still about the same weight and then there’s my tattoos. Anyone who knew me then would recognize them. So like I said, it ticked me off for hours. Mostly because it was like we time warped back and it was all about her again and even though she followed me and made a point of introducing herself – “Do you know me? Probably not I’m bigger now. I have all these neighbours that are always saying how I was so skinny and asking what happened.”

For someone that went to such great lengths to let me know she was there I have to wonder why. It wasn’t to find anything out about me. She didn’t ask how I was or what I’d been up to or if I wanted to catch up sometime. It was just talking about her. Mind you there happened to be some one else there that knew her when, and co-opted the conversation about their good old days. I got to notice how manly this girl’s hands had become; accented by the fact she was wearing a man’s watch. I learned that she has a kid, is doing well for herself, will be around the building (oh joy) and her mom works at Wal-Mart. That means I used to work with her mom. Wonder who that was?

So it threw me off. Mostly because I am a great believer in providence and opportunities and was suddenly wondering what the world was thinking by putting the last person I ever thought about from my past when the word friend comes up – and putting them in my path again. Is this a challenge to my ability forgive and finally forget? Am I supposed to demonstrate how I’ve learned from past mistakes and not take this dare to repeat them? Was it just a freak accident? Should I try to be nice or make every effort to avoid her and become a virtual prisoner to my own apartment? Not a clue here. Not a single clue.

Some might ask why I even care? Well I have learned that things like this, if left to themselves, can only get worse. Where as having a plan of attack minimizes the surprise factor and makes things easier to deal with. The basic laws of packing apply well to relationships that aren’t that good. Yes I would about kill to have someone around town to do things with but even that doesn’t stop me from wanting to slap her flightly subject smiley face and demand an apology for all the shit she caused me back then. Ok maybe this is all about forgiveness and I need to just act like all that went on before didn’t happen, but then how do I learn from my own mistakes?

Answer that grasshopper and the world is yours to command.

I bought the Killer’s cd the other day. I figure it met the requirements I have in place for new music. I had heard and liked three songs and the cd was there, it was well pried. Now I’ve only listened to half the cd but so far I’m really reminded of Robert Smith of the Cure by the vocals and the synthesizers remind me a bit of Duran Duran, the Smiths and the Cure. Err maybe I’m stretching here but I don’t think so. This is all after only half the cd so my opinion may change and I don’t know all the words yet so I can’t say who/what the writing reminds me of.

I do have to wonder what’s up with Eric Roberts though. Now I’ve known about Eric Roberts since I had a brief love affair with Chuck Norris-esque martial arts movies in the 1980’s. I still can’t see the family resemblance between Eric and Julia but then I’ve never seen either of them together at the same time. And what –pray tell – does this have to do with the Killers? Well Eric plays the cuckold in the Killer’s Mr. Brightside video. He also plays the same role in 2 Mariah Carey videos, most notably We Belong Together (ok I don’t remember the name of the other song). I’m thinking it’s good exposure to a new audience being in all these glossy videos for hip music makers but really why always the dumb guy? First the self absorbed Will on Less Than Perfect and now the cuckold? How The Best of The Best has fallen.

Being that I have this hard and fast rule about liking and knowing 3 songs off an album before getting it, does anyone know if Athlete is worth the risk? I’ve only heard one song so far, on MuchMusic to boot. I liked it but can’t get the name of it to stay in my head. My rule has saved me from owning every cd from every artist that I ever heard a song I like from. This is why I love compilations, I can get the songs I like without getting stuck with an entire cd of stuff I have no use for, just for one song.

It doesn’t work so well for bands I really like. It didn’t save me from getting the last 2 U2 cd’s. I grew into liking All That You Can’t Leave Behind. I don’t know if I’ll grow into liking How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb. I know U2 rock live, they could set their laundry list to music and it’d be awesome live. Cd’s just don’t compare. Next time I’m holding out for the rule though, won’t get fooled again.

U2 happens to be the only band I haven’t bought the greatest hits from. I was such a fan at first that I got everything I could, every album, cd, vinyl single, cassette and interview disk I could get. I didn’t need to get the greatest hits I already have all of them. I have bought greatest hits for everyone else though. I keep getting the Fleetwood Mac greatest hits, let’s face it I’ll probably never see them live so that is a must and then the other greatest hits have different hits on them. Yeah I know I’m a musical pack rat. I’m already planning on getting the new Def Leppard Greatest hits, The Offspring’s and Pearl Jam’s, I have the Leppard collection Vault but the new one has more songs all in one package. It’s almost getting to the point where I’m seriously questioning my commitment to my vinyl collection. Do I really need to keep it, it’s so heavy and hard to move and store and I can’t even play it for I have a 40 dollar stereo with no turn table. It’ll be a while before that happens, gotta get the e-bay account first :)

One last thing, as I sit here doing the laundry (again? I know and I'm not even a clothes horse) and revisiting season 1 of The Pretender, I understand why I like learning so much. The idea of the show is there's this guy who's super smart and he can be anything all he needs to do is a little reading and he can bluff his way through with confidence and panache. I knew Michael T. Weiss from Days of Our Lives and so it wasn't hard for me to follow him to primetime. A soap hunk and a good premise, I was there. I don't know who I wanted to be more, the pretender, the one who could do anything at all just by trying - or Ms. Parker. I wanted to look like Andrea Parker and I still do. She's maintainded herself well and she does for the power suit what Scully never managed to IMHO - she makes it look cool. That's me: always looking for role models on television. No wonder I'm so LOST :)
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 10:46 PM

MenTal fUrbAll