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From the ghost land of the easy life.

30 May 2005

Human Concentrate. :
There’s a certain convention that dictates that paying attention to something, to the exclusion of all else, is bad. Okay maybe that’s the slacker convention, but really I have the attention span of a gnat. I make stuff up. Welcome to me.

I miss Sparky (the ferret) the most. She was a fabulous pal and smart as a whip. She loved raisins and died one weekend while I was in Toronto. She has been missed.

Cats are just little dogs if you ask me. I have trained all of mine to know there name and I have one currently who actually loves to play fetch. He’s a jumper too. You can get him to jump for play toys and treats. If they made catnip Frisbees I think he’d learn to fly. Even if he didn’t he’d be an excellent Frisbee cat, I guarantee it. He won’t be mine for long, my allergies have gotten the best of me so shortly he will be finding a good home with this couple. It’s really bonus for him because there’ll be someone around all the time, which is way more than I am. He’ll have the constant attention he craves. Really I’ve never met such a demanding cat. He must have been a famous in another life and just can’t stop begging for the spotlight now he’s moved down a notch.

This is all true by the way.

I got myself those new maple flavoured frosted mini wheats. I haven’t tried the giant whack of maple flavoured candy bars and other such thing that have appeared as of late. I did enjoy the Star Wars dark chocolate M&M’s; the creepy pastel shaded milk chocolate peanuts really aren’t my thing though. I like dark chocolate, always have and it has those yummy anti oxidants so it’s now a sort of health food. Just knowing that gives me the whole “Look at me being the good girl and all” buzz while I’m eating them. Like all the sugar is in anyway ‘good’ for me. Really I’d still eat it if it came with a giant warning saying I could get cancer from it. I could get cancer from being near a computer all day too – I’m taking my chances and living dangerously.

Back to the whole Idea of concentration. I’m an entirely different person when I concentrate. I get tunnel vision and my hearing tunes out everything else around. I can’t sustain this kind of concentration for more than a few hours. My body gets tired way before my brain does and then my body demands that I take it, at least, out of the horrible card table excuse for a chair that I borrowed – I don’t own any furniture outside of some shelves, a dresser and a bed – if not take it out for a walk.

Once my concentration is broken by said demands I then need a few hours/days/weeks to be able to get into the groove of fine focus again. I’d love to say the act of concentrating becomes all encompassing but as far as that goes it’s not. I have to work at. I’ve become very aware of when I’m concentrating too much on some unimportant thing and I pull back from it and remind myself I need to save that energy up not spend it willy nilly. It can be hard to come by and harder to hold onto but it really gets the results.

There is this thing that happens to me sometimes. I get this expression of complete and utter concentration and people will actually come up to me and ask me if I’m alright and why I look so serious. At those times, and this is a huge secret that no one I tell it to can believe, I’m actually thinking nothing. If you were to open a door and look into my brain you should be seeing a giant empty room with tasteful light hardwood floors of course. It’s what I see when I think of total emptiness; you can see what you want to see. Insert your idea of emptiness here.

When I concentrate for real I tend to make faces. Any girl worth her salt knows that applying mascara has a trick to it and being that I have a small depth perception problem I need to concentrate to do it. This usually involves making a face of some sort. Usually mouth open, varying degrees of tongue sticking out. I bet at any given time you can get a glimpse of my tonsillectomy scar as I tilt my head around trying to colour, curl and separate. It’s not as hard as getting my contact lenses in, I swear I have flat eyes the way those suckers keep popping out – but it’s close. Usually concentrating feels like I’m reacting to a conversation that really isn’t happening. I can feel my face moving around from smile to interested to whatever other looks. I’m not that interested in watching myself so there ends the list.

I used to concentrate on tv. There really is no better way to turn my mind off. Really it’s so sedating and I like my tv to be all fantasy. I don’t watch the news if I can help it. I’m old fashioned that way, I prefer to read my news that way I can give it the emphasis I want where I want it. I can’t do much for bias, except read many different accounts of the same event. Just like listening to reviews of movies or music I think, never take the first thing you hear to be the ultimate truth. And let me tell you I’m a full on personal-experience-rules person. No one will ever be able to convince me of something because so and so said or because they didn’t like it. The first time I had Mahi Mahi (a type of fish by the way) I ordered it Cajun style. I broke out in hives from it, and I am not allergic to fish - it was the coating it was in, I’m sure of it. I’d still eat Mahi Mahi again just not Cajun fried. I’d tell anyone who wanted to know if it’s good to try it themselves. I don’t remember much about the meal other than I broke out in body hives about an hour afterward. I was concentrating on something else, also known as the third date.

I’m trying to limit my daily tv to a few hours; since I used to be a marathon coach potato this is a big thing for me. It’s like losing a good friend in a way. Something that has always been there to fill up my wasted time and life with colour and some ludicrous but funny stories. Let me just say I make no apologies for liking tv. I like tones of tv. I adored Buffy and Angel. Lived for the X-files from season one ‘til the very last episode of season 9. I saw the movie and I will see whatever else comes out to do with it. I am a fan. I enjoyed Sex and the City, got Lost this year, spies are a thing for me so I keep up with Alias. I liked Eyes; it was my kind of humour – figures it got cancelled. I like Star Trek – all of it. I like Star Wars 4-6; I’m hoping that #3 redeems what happened to the franchise. Star Wars 1and 2, for me it’s been all about the droids and Yoda so far, and that said there hasn’t been enough of them. I hear Yoda kicks ass in this one and since I’ve seen the rest why stop now. How long ‘til it hits DVD? This place doesn’t have a movie theatre.

I’ve been told that a person can’t like both Star Trek and Star Wars. I don’t see why not. They’re both about space and people and aliens and spacecraft. Loads of similarities here, not much reason why not. I think the people that say that are narrow minded. To me it’s like saying you can’t like pizza and beer. They are very different things that can be enjoyed together or alone. I’m sure saying this is some sort of sacrilege to Star Wars fans, maybe Trekkies too, but hey I’m being honest so don’t come out of the wood work to school me in my naiveté While I welcome your opinion, it will never be mine. I like NCIS, Marc Harmon rocks, Tony Danza brightens my am and if I’m home and it’s on I play Jeopardy. I’ll watch anything in a pinch and have worked French tv into my life in an effort to help me learn some of the other official language. I won’t be getting a PPP rating on fluency anytime soon but it can’t hurt right?

I find it best to not concentrate when I watch French tv. I pick shows I know from watching them in English, but if I concentrate all I end up doing is trying to lip read the actors and determine what they said. I totally stop listening to the spoken French and that is the entire point of watching in the first place. I figure if I get really good at it I can graduate to original French programming and learn from it. I do understand more than I did, now if only I ran into people who spoke in tv cadence I’d be set

Once in a while I find that concentrating is like kryptonite to me. I try to stick with it and keep going but the harder I try the tougher it gets and then comes the sandy eyes and the low grade headache that tells me I’m seconds from being fried brain dead. And the cat sits here waiting patiently for me to get back to playing fetch. Go figure. I throw the toy and the cat skates across the floor to get and then brings it back to me. That’s fetch right? Or am I hallucinating? No I’m concentrating too hard on getting all this out into Word to be hallucinating. Well I was and now I’m multitasking again. Type then toss, type then toss. I hope the new owners can keep up with him.

Ah yes kryptonite, well the fact is it takes all my power away and I have to go climb into my coffin to rise later on in a better condition. At least that’s what it feels like. I don’t actually own a coffin though technically if I get one of those burial plans I’d own one eventually.

I digress.

Concentration takes time, effort and stamina. All of which I possess, in varying degrees, on different days. Today I’ve about run out of steam. See you tomorrow and happy concentrating.
ghost writer Ambrrrr at 11:02 AM

MenTal fUrbAll